“What do you think they’re doing there?”
I covered my ears. “Fuck, I do not want to think about that.”
“Stop being ridiculous. I think it’s wonderful people our age are willing to experiment.”
“Please tell me what’s really going on here?”
Abby leaned in close and kissed me. “I don’t want you trading me in for three twenties.”
Each time she hit another milestone in age, she decided I would trade her in for X number of younger women. At thirty, it was two fifteen-year-olds. I pointed out that would be jailbait. At forty, it was two twenty-year-olds; I asked what the hell I would do with them. At fifty, she announced two twenty-five year-olds, because I was older and needed to slow down. Now at sixty, this.
“I love you, I can barely keep up with you. Have you talked to a twenty-year-old of late? I don’t even understand their language.”
“It’s not you having a conversation with them I’m worried about.”
“Abbs, I’ve never given you reason to worry, have I?”
She kissed me again. “And I intend to make sure you want to come home to me and only me.”
“Now who’s being childish?”
“Please, it’s important to me.”
I sighed, knowing I had lost this battle. “Quick in and out, right?”
“Let’s get going, you have a one o’clock appointment with Cheryl.”
“Cheryl?” I was towel drying my hair after my shower.
“The store, Wild Hearts.”
“I need an appointment to shop?”
“Well, it’s their personalized service. I thought you would like that.”
“Oh. Okay.” I grabbed my T-shirt.
“Make sure you wear boxers today.”
“Huh?”
“Just do it.”
“Why?”
Abby was applying mascara; she looked in the mirror at me. “So I don’t have to worry about you.”
I walked toward her, my jeans in one hand, naked from the waist down. “I thought you liked it when I went commando.”
“Not today.”
She had been in a funny mood ever since we arrived in P-town. This morning after breakfast, instead of going sightseeing, she had wanted to come back here and make love. I was up for that, but she still seemed edgy.
“Okay. Boxers it is.”
Abby grabbed a pair out of the duffle bag and handed them to me.
“You’re lucky I packed some,” I told her.
“No. You are, or you’d be wearing a pair of my panties.”
“Like hell.”
She just giggled and returned to putting on her makeup.
Once I was dressed, she turned to me. “You look nice.”
I was only wearing jeans and a T-shirt. “Thanks?”
“I just wanted to tell you.”
I put my arms around her and kissed her. “I love you, with all my heart. Thank you.”
“Come on, I want to get a seat at the bar.”
I glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand. “It’s only twelve thirty.”
“I know, but you know I like sitting where I can see the TV. I want to get there before it fills up.”
Abby was a sports nut. She always wanted to be in front of the big-screen TV so she could watch the latest action, no matter what the sport. “I’m ready.”
As I held the door for Abbs outside the restaurant, she practically squealed. “Oh, look! Two seats right up front. Excellent.”
We ordered drinks. Abby asked for a draft, while I got a Coke. I was doing a reading at Gabriel’s later that evening and didn’t want to screw it up by being tipsy or, worse, drunk. I glanced at the menu. “Want to get something? I’m kinda hungry.”
“Eat when you get back. You can’t be late.”
“Jesus, why not? Won’t our money be just as good if I’m late, say twenty minutes or so?”
“You can wait and be back here in the same twenty minutes.”
“I thought you said quick in and out.”
“I’m giving you time to walk across the street and back again… you are getting older.”
I love Abby with all my heart, but something had the hairs on my neck on end.
“I don’t have to ask for anything special, right?”
“Absolutely not. Just let them determine the right size harness and you’re out of there.”
“Okay. Keep the chair warm for me.”
She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You’re my shero.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I took a deep breath and headed to Wild Hearts.
Outside the store, I took another deep breath and sent up a prayer that no one I knew was inside. I walked in and gasped. Dildos lined the walls, dildos in all shapes, sizes and colors. On the top shelf, a sign announced VIBRATORS OPTIONAL. Another sign declared JUST RIGHT FOR THE G-SPOT. Some were remote control, some glowed in the dark. I didn’t know where to look, and everywhere I turned, I was barraged with other sex toys—instruments of lust in all shapes, sizes and, lord help me, for all purposes.
“May I help you?”
I turned to find a child/woman standing before me. “What are you, ten?”
She grinned. “I’m actually twenty-two. Is there something I can help you with?”
“Appointment… I mean, I have an appointment.”
“Do you know with whom?” She said the words slowly as if I wouldn’t comprehend.
“Yes.” I nodded my head.
She smiled at me knowingly. “Do you know her name?”
I nodded again. I did know. “Cheryl. It’s Cheryl.”
“Good. I’ll get her for you. Don’t go anywhere.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried not to stare at things.
“Hello, I’m Cheryl, can I help you?”
Another child stood before me. This one appeared even younger. “Are you Cheryl?”
“I thought we had established that. Yes, I am.”
“I have an appointment.”
“And you are?”
I took a ragged breath. “Your one o’clock appointment.”
“It’s your first time isn’t it?” She took my arm and pulled me toward a counter in the front of the store. Once there she opened an appointment book and looked down. “You’re Ms. Michaels then?”
“Dani. Dani Michaels.”
“See, that wasn’t so hard.”
I tried to relax, but it was useless. “My wife, she told me you have everything ready, just need to be sure of the size of the belt, right?”
“Belt?”
I felt my cheeks turning red, starting to burn. “Harness, I meant harness.”
“Yes. Let’s go into the dressing room. That way we can have some privacy.”
“Privacy?”
She led me to the back of the store. “Well, I can’t very well measure you over your jeans.” We had just passed an entire display case of edible clothing—bras, panties, nipple covers. I averted my eyes. Before me stood a rack of ladies’ underthings; corsets, lace bras, nippleless bras, satin and lace camisoles and garter sets. On and on it went.
“Right in here. Please take your pants off.”
It was futile. I turned beet red. This girl had to be a teenager and she was telling me to take my pants off. I had to be breaking some law.
“Uh, I could do the measurements and just call them out to you.”
“Don’t be shy, I do this all the time.” With that she sat in the chair, staring at me.
I knew my fate had been cast. I unbuckled my belt and opened the button, then slid the zipper downward and stepped out of my jeans. In the mirror I caught a glance at myself. I was wearing my SpongeBob boxers.
“Yes, I can see why your wife was concerned. You do have big thighs.”
“Does this mean you can’t fit me?”
“Not at all. I just need to get a different size, then I’ll bring your purchases in and go over them with you. I’ll be just a moment.”