Cheryl stepped out of the room, so I grabbed my jeans and slipped them on. I’d be damned if we were going to discuss anything with me undressed.
I was just buckling my belt when she stepped back in.
Cheryl looked at me. “Is something wrong?”
“No.”
“Why did you get dressed?”
“You said you knew the size I needed.”
Cheryl held up the item in question. “I need to see it on you, show you how to use it, load it. Make sure it’s tight enough to hold, but loose enough for comfort.”
“Oh.” I undid my belt; Sponge-Bob would make another appearance.
“I’d like to suggest a larger size in jeans from now on.”
“What? Why?”
“You need to allow room for the harness and accessory.”
“Huh?”
“Well, I assumed you’d be wearing it on dates and such, or on special occasions.”
“I don’t date. I’m married.”
“I meant when you and your wife go out.”
“In public, you mean?” The room was definitely getting hotter.
“If you went up a size in your jeans, no one would know but you and your lady.”
“In public?”
She looked at me pityingly. “Lots of butches do.”
Cheryl turned and started unpacking a shopping bag the size of a small minivan.
“The three attachments your wife picked out all work lovely with this belt. As I told her, leather is the way to go. Much sturdier and so many options.” Cheryl glanced up and smiled.
“Uh-huh.”
“Now this particular one is a favorite of mine.” Cheryl removed from the bag what looked like a penis with a long handle attached. What would… how would. Holy crap, that is not a handle.
“Your wife was very excited that we had it in stock.” Cheryl held up the dual dildo. “This is our best seller. It’s called the Nexus. As you can see, the two of you will simultaneously receive enjoyment from this model.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Here, let’s get the harness on you, then I can show you how to load it.”
“What?”
“I want to be sure it fits properly. Then we can experiment with the various attachments.”
The room was getting warmer and smaller all at once. “Fine.”
As Cheryl painstakingly fit the harness over my boxers, she continued her lesson. “Your wife was such a joy to talk to. She had done her research and knew exactly what she was looking for. We spoke on the phone for an hour.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Seriously, you’d be surprised how many women have no idea, and then I have to show and explain all the options.” Cheryl tugged on the now-secured harness. “I think that’s got it for you. How does it feel?”
“I’m not sure how to answer that.”
“It’s got to be tight enough to sustain the thrusting motion, but not so tight as to cause chafing or sores.”
“We can adjust it, right?”
“Oh, yes, this model is perfect for that.”
I looked down, gave it a tug. “Okay, I guess.”
Cheryl turned to the table behind her and picked up the Nexus, the double dildo, the mutual satisfaction one. Crap.
“Now this one should be inserted this way into the harness first, then be sure to lubricate your end and slip it in as you’re tightening the straps on the harness. Shall I demonstrate? I have some lube here.”
“No! No… I’ll… figure it out, thanks.”
She shrugged. “Okay. Just let me show you how to secure the dildo into the harness then. Oh, I better use the other model.” She pulled out a shiny pink wobbly one and inserted a battery pack in it. “This is the G-Pulse Dildo attachment. It’s battery operated and sure to give you both a little extra sensation. Plus, it’s perfect for the G-spot. Also, it’s made of soft gel versus the silicone models. It won’t last as long, but it’s wonderfully soft and pliable, as you can see.”
The damn thing was wiggling like a Jell-O mold. I was afraid it would melt.
“Always be sure to get the rim flush against the harness here, see?” She had loosened one strap and inserted the attachment. It now hung in front of me like a body extension.
“How many of these did Abby buy, exactly?”
Cheryl looked up and grinned. “Just one more… another popular one with the femmes. It’s called the Bandito. She chose lavender, but she especially liked the contour and shape of that one.”
“She did, huh?”
“As I said, your wife was a delight, very knowledgeable. It’s a shame she couldn’t make the trip with you.”
“Yes. Yes, it is.” Abby might be a tiger in bed, but she turns red at off-color jokes. On the other hand, she knows her shortcomings ; this place would be like a candy store to her. She would want to look at everything to learn how it works.
“Now, you’re aware that the two silicone models can be put into the dishwasher for sterilization, right? For the soft-gel model we recommend you use prophylactics to ensure cleanliness.”
“You mean rubbers?”
“Yes.”
I just shook my head. I was going to kill Abby. Kill her dead. After twenty minutes of me proving I could properly load and unload the various dildos, Cheryl finally let me take off the harness. “We’re doing so well. Now have you ever used the Tongue Joy vibrator?”
“I’m almost afraid to ask.”
Cheryl chuckled. “It’s a vibrator for your tongue.”
“Can I get electrocuted?”
“No, it uses batteries and is quite safe and small.”
“I’ll probably end up swallowing it.”
Cheryl just smiled. “Here, let me show you how it works.”
“I think I can figure that out. Is there anything else in there?”
“Yes, we still have the video your wife thought you should watch, and I have two models of vibrators she ordered. One for your finger, the Fun Fingazs Vibe; and one she inserts, the Pocket Rocket model.”
“Inserts?”
“Yes. Some women like to keep stimulated while working or shopping.”
“Is it safe? You know, for a woman to stay stimulated like that?”
“It’s wonderful. I have one in right now and love it. So does my wife when I get home, if you know what I mean.”
I closed my eyes to the image of children having sex. I now knew I had definitely broken some kind of federal law. I was waiting for the store to be raided and me whisked away in handcuffs.
“So shall we head to the viewing room?”
“The what?”
“It’s where you can watch the video in comfort. Afterward you can ask me questions and I’ll answer them for you.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but what kind of video is this?”
Cheryl gave me a patronizing smile. “An instructional one, though we do have others if you’re interested in that kind of thing.”
“No. No, that’s fine. In fact I think I’ll let my wife watch the video with me, and if she has any questions she can always call you later, right?”
“Of course. I’ll take this up front. When you’re ready, come to the counter and I’ll ring you up.”
After she left, I banged my head on the wall three or four times. I could not believe Abby had set me up. She knew. She knew and still she sent me in here alone. I slipped back into my jeans and headed to the front of the store.
When I stepped outside, I took a deep breath. My insides were shaking and I was more determined to kill Abby then ever. I was now saddled with a small human-size shopping bag that had the name of the boutique emblazoned in red letters across it. I looked both ways, trying to figure out what to do, where to stash the bag.
I trotted into the restaurant. Abby was engrossed in a football game and cheering along with the other women alongside her. I walked up and placed the bag on the bar. “Here’s your purchases, sweetie.”