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Abby turned, saw the name on the bag, and grabbed it off the countertop. “Are you crazy?”

I smiled. “No, baby, I just wanted you to have the full experience.” I sat down next to her and let her deal with the satchel.

Abby looked at me from the corner of her eye, trying to hide the bag between her and the wall. “You’re mad?”

“Nope.”

“What took so long?”

“As if you don’t know?”

She turned to face me, her expression blank. “I don’t.”

“Don’t lie, sweetheart, Cheryl gave you up.”

Now it was Abby’s turn to blush. “I’m really not sure what you mean.”

“Let me explain it.” Just then Jillian, the bartender, stepped up. “Another Coke please, and some wings for two.” I turned back to Abby, lowered my voice. “Not only did Cheryl have to measure me, but then she proceeded to strap me in and demonstrate how every fucking thing you bought is used.”

Abby tried to smother her laughter.

“I’m not amused Abbs.”

“She really demonstrated it. Everything?”

“Oh, yeah.” My temper finally kicked in. “I can honestly say I feel quite confident that I can pack any dildo into the harness without a hitch, that I know exactly how to wash and care for the models you purchased—three, is that right? I also am positive that I know how and where the tongue and finger vibrators go and how to use them. We have lubricants in three flavors, all water-based, and I know that the raspberry flavor is the most natural-tasting one. I am assured you will be safe stimulating yourself while out in public with your little Pocket Rocket… oh, and I need to buy bigger jeans. How’s that for a synopsis?”

Too late, I realized my voice had risen in my fervor to make Abby understand my complete and total mortification. I hadn’t paid attention to the fact that the volume on the TVs had been muted, that all eyes of the other patrons were on us, or that Jillian was there with our appetizers.

A thunderous round of applause broke out at the bar as I concluded my speech. Abby did what I had wanted to do earlier; she ran out of the bar as fast as she could, leaving me to carry the bag back to the hotel room.

“Oh. My. God.”

I lifted my head and smiled up from between Abby’s legs.

“That was the best sex ever.”

I swiped my tongue one more time up through her folds, then climbed up next to her and kissed her on the lips. “Pretty good, huh?”

Abby grinned. “Better than good, perfect.”

I rolled over and pulled her snug up against me.

Abby nuzzled my neck. “Feeling pretty good about yourself, aren’t you?”

“Absolutely. And it was all me, no damn gadgets.”

Abby laughed out loud. “Yes it was, and it was wonderful.”

“See, I told you we didn’t need this stuff.”

“I’m sorry I laughed.”

“Yeah, well, I guess if you didn’t know what to expect, it was a little silly-looking.”

“It was as if it had a life of its own.”

“I guess I didn’t tighten it enough. But you didn’t need to laugh.”

“You looked so miserable.”

“It’s not that bad, just takes some getting used to, I guess.”

Abby started caressing my chest. “Does that mean you’re willing to try again?”

“Not if you’re going to laugh.”

“I promise not to, not now that I know how it looks.” She kissed me. “Please?”

“I guess. It’s not like I have to go shopping. We already have everything… might as well get our money’s worth.”

Abby sat up. “Come on, I’ll help you this time. You can show me what you learned.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now.”

“But we just did it.”

“And now we’re going to do it again.”

“Twice in one day?” I looked at her incredulously. “At our age?”

“Do you feel old right now?”

I jumped up and went across the room where I had flung the harness. “So which model do you want tonight, my dear?”

“Let’s try the Bandito, shall we?”

“You had to get the lavender one… you couldn’t get the black one?”

“Are you going to complain or put it to use?”

“I can’t wait to have your mother find one of these in the dishwasher.”

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

MICHELLE BRENNAN is a queer artistic Pisces who likes to cause a ruckus in the Midwest with her surly butch unicorn and their gang of feral kitties. With an imagination too big to fit into a bread box, she can’t help but write dirty stories and incite desire and sexy adventures for the masses.

AMY BUTCHER is exactly that and when she isn’t wrestling with the responsibilities of that twist of nomenclatural destiny she writes, facilitates workshops and does massage in San Francisco. Her murder mystery Paws for Consideration was published in 2011. Find her at amybutcher.com.

DEBORAH CASTELLANO (deborahmcastellano.com) made her erotica debut in Violet Blue’s Best Women’s Erotica 2009. She is a freelance and romantica writer by trade and also blogs about kitchen witchcraft and radical practicality.

DEJAY’s work has appeared in anthologies by Bedazzled Ink, as well as in Lesbian Cowboys and Lesbian Lust: Erotic Stories (Cleis). Her books include Redemption and Strangers. DeJay and her lovely wife of thirty-three years live in the mountains of Pennsylvania when they are not traveling around the U.S. in their RV. Contact: dejaynovl.org.

LEA DELARIA, the first openly queer comic to perform on television in America, has starred in two Broadway musicals and has five records out on the Warner Jazz label. Lea has an Obie and Theater World award, has twice been honored by the Drama League and her book Lea’s Book of Rules for the World is in its third printing.

KIKIDELOVELY is a queer femme performer/writer whose work has appeared in Best Lesbian Erotica 2011; Salacious magazine, She’s Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex; Take Me There: Transgender and Genderqueer Erotica and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica. Kiki’s passions include artichokes, words, alternative baking and taking on research for her writing.

JULIA NOEL GOLDMAN is a native New Yorker, a political activist and a graduate of Sarah Lawrence College. Her lesbian erotica has been translated into Russian, French and Spanish, and is available on the Internet. This is her first story to be published in an anthology. Find out more at julianoelgoldman.com.

ILY GOYANES is a Latina lesbian who lives to learn. When she isn’t writing for the Miami New Times newspaper, she likes to get dirty in her kitchen and in bed. Her fictional debut appeared in Lesbian Cops (Cleis). Visit thesideshow.info and share your most sinful recipe.

ANNE GRIP lives in New York City with her girlfriend. She is a newly beginning yoga practitioner.

NANCY IRWIN is an out, queer, S/M activist. She has given sex and S/M workshops locally and internationally, organized events and play parties and published articles in the queer and kinky press. Nancy is a street biker who loves the dirt and a bad dyke who plays well with “others.” A Leather Pride flag marks her Toronto home.

Editor of Carnal Machines, Spank, The Sweetest Kiss and the Lammy Finalist, Where the Girls Are, find D. L. KING’s stories in Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, Girl Crazy and Broadly Bound, among others. She’s published two novels and edits the review site, Erotica Revealed. Find her at dlkingerotica.com.