“Jesus Humphrey Christ, Tish. You sure as hell ain’t no damn Korean.”
“America’s time of beating down, starving, and oppressing other countries is over. A great power is rising from the east, and it’s going to make the world a better place.”
“North Korea starves its own people,” Tish, I said.
“Propaganda. Your media and leaders lie to you.”
Sam was seething. “It’s all just fuckin stupid. I can’t believe you dumb ’nough ta believe all ’at.”
Curious about something, I asked, “Have you ever been to North Korea?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Tell William were you originally from, girl. Tell ’im.” Sam paused for effect. After she didn’t answer, he said, “She’s from the ninth ward in New Olreans. North Korean my hairy ass.”
Seeing that Tish offered only a vacant look in reply to what Sam said, I asked, “How do you know what is and what’s not propaganda if you’ve never been there, much less lived there?”
“I said that’s none of your business.”
“How can you square this stuff?” I asked. “Weren’t we always kind to you?”
She thought about it for a moment. “Yes. But you elect leaders who oppress people – my people. There are North Koreans who are starving right now because of American policy. If you were good people, you couldn’t support leaders like you do.”
“That little short, fat sonofabitch who’s runnin ’at shithole… you reckon he’s doin without anythang? You thank if he’ll let people who live ’ere starve, that he’ll give one rat’s puckered-butthole ’bout one who ain’t even been ’ere? You been fooled.”
“Your president lives in the lap of luxury, is driven around in bulletproof limousines, flies in jets that cost who knows how many millions of dollars, yet there are millions of Americans who don’t get enough to eat. Your entire system is geared towards the wealthy, and everyone below the elites works like drones for them. Capitalism is evil. Your society is evil. All of you are evil. You have no room to talk.”
“Your brainwashed mind might not see the difference, but there’s a clear difference between our two countries,” I said.
Her tone sharpened. She was really getting into the rhetoric. “Sam’s right, I did grow up in Louisiana. You remember Katrina, right?”
She was looking at me, so I decided to respond. “Who doesn’t?”
“I saw white people carrying stuff out of stores. They didn’t end up on the news. All you saw on TV was black people carrying big-screen TVs and jumping up and down like idiots. It’s the same narrative that’s gone on since, well, a long time ago.”
“And that’s bad. No one claims we’re perfect.”
“You’re sugar-coating it.”
“No. I know things have—”
“You might not think I look Korean, but they’ve given me something to believe in and fight for. My family is Korean, though. So, I might not look like what you think I should, but that means absolutely nothing for me. I’ll die knowing exactly who I am.”
Sam busted out laughing. “Really? There’s some racist shit goin on in ’is country, and ’cause of ’at, it’s alright ta kill us and turn us in ta ’em gray bastards? Ain’t a racist bone in ’is ol’ boy’s body, but a damn racist don’t hold nothin on you murderin sonsofbitches.”
Chapter 4
“Anything you feel like saying?”
She continued staring out at the expanse of darkness that enveloped the Ripsaw. After several moments of silence, and without the slightest hint of emotion, she said, “All of us are going to die real soon.”
“Maybe.” I tilted my head towards her window and what lay beyond. “My guess is you’re going first. It’s freezing out there.”
“I can say I died for something. When you die, and you will, can you say the same?”
“I’m going to try really hard not to, but if I do, it’ll be me dying to protect people I care about.”
“We’re both fighting for something, then.”
Curious, I asked, “What exactly is it that you’re giving your life up for? The destruction of the only county you’ve ever known?”
“I will die with honor and for a cause,” she said.
“You will probably die of hypothermia,” Avery interjected.
Sam had had enough. He got out of the truck and slammed the door down so hard, I thought for the sure the glass would shatter. The muffled sounds of him letting out his frustrations in a curse-filled tirade soon followed.
I was about to tell Tish to also get out, as well, but then she did something unexpected. She began talking.
“I would’ve killed everyone in that room to keep Kelley from giving you that access code. They deserved the death you gave them. I just wish it had been me who had given it to them.”
“How is your failure any different than theirs?”
“I didn’t turn my back on the cause like they did.”
“But you failed. That’s the point.”
“I’ll make up for my failure one way or another.”
“How many of us would you have to kill to get back to being square? How does that work?”
“Failure is dishonorable. Carrying out the mission as planned is honorable. It’s pretty simple.”
“Actually, it’s pretty fucked up.”
“Because there are consequences for failing?”
“Seems to me if we give you guys long enough, you’ll just kill each other off. I mean, you mess up, you die. You think that’s okay?”
“Have you noticed how coddled and entitled Americans have become? How caught up they are in trivial things that don’t matter, while the rest of the world burns? Give an American a T.V., two or three unhealthy meals, some semblance of stability, and anything that goes on outside their rickety walls go unnoticed, injustice and all.”
I thought about arguing with her about it but decided not to. I didn’t feel like getting weighed down in a cultural studies debate. That and I really didn’t care. I was, however, curious about something else. I really didn’t expect to get an answer, but I thought what the hell. “Did you care about Tom?”
In the dim light of the Ripsaw, I could see her recently impenetrable veneer begin to tarnish and fade a bit. “He’s dead. Does it really matter?”
“So, you did care about him?”
“If things had gone differently, I would’ve killed him,” she said, so affected by what she said she shuddered at the thought.
I sighed. “You could’ve done that?”
She nodded.
“Can’t you see how bat-shit crazy this is?”
Ignoring my comment completely, she said, “I didn’t know when the attack was supposed to take place.” By the dim light of the LCD screen and a small lantern I had switched to dim, I could see Tish’s reflection in the window. She shook her head as if she just realized the significance of something, or maybe she was just coming to terms with things she already knew. Whichever, I was surprised by what she said next. “I was with Tom when the Order came down. I failed before I ever got started.”
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as if she were sitting on a bed of nails, before continuing, “I had gotten an envelope in the mail a month earlier, with a letter letting me know I needed to meet someone in Barrow on a particular date.”
“Let me guess, that was the day you begged me for a day’s leave? The day I pulled strings to get the van from Barrow dispatched just for you.”
Coldly, she confirmed that that was indeed the day. “In the Order, you know who you know, and that’s it. Me not knowing him meant that whatever the meeting was about, it was important.” She nodded towards the phone Avery held. “I was given a phone, a box to place it in, and a large gym bag. I was told that orders would be coming soon and that I needed to be prepared.”