"Z? Are you awake?" Shaunee called tentatively from the cracked door.
I motioned for her to come in. "Where'd you guys go?"
"We've been up a couple hours. We've been watching movies. Wanta come down with us? Erik and Cole, that totally fiiiine friend of his, are gonna come over." Then she looked around guiltily, as if remembering that Stevie Rae was gone and sorry she'd been acting normal. Something inside me made me speak.
"Shaunee, we have to go on. We have to date and be happy and live our lives. Nothing's guaranteed, Stevie Rae's death proved that. We can't waste the time we've been given. When I said I'd make sure she was remembered, I didn't mean that we were going to be sad forever. It meant I'd remember the happiness she brought to us, and keep her smile close to my heart. Always."
"Always," Shaunee agreed.
"If you give me a second I'll put on some jeans and meet you guys downstairs."
"'Kay," she said with a grin.
When Shaunee was gone, some of my happy façade faded. I'd meant what I said to her, it was just the acting out of it that was going to be hard. Plus, I was having a hard time shaking the bad dream. I knew it was just a dream, but it still bothered me. It was like I could hear the echoes of Heath's screams in the oppressive silence of my room. Moving automatically, I got dressed in my most comfortable jeans and a ginormic sweatshirt I'd bought from the school store a couple of weeks ago. Over my heart it had the silver embroidered insignia of Nyx standing with upraised hands cupping a full moon, and somehow it made me feel better. I brushed my hair and sighed at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like poo. So I spackled some concealer on the dark smudges under my eyes, added mascara and my shiny lip gloss that smelled like strawberries. Feeling more ready to face the world, I headed downstairs.
And paused at the end of the staircase. The scene was familiar, yet completely changed. Kids clustered around the flat-screen TVs. There should be talking, and there was, but it was definitely subdued. My group of friends were sitting around the TV we liked best: the Twins in their matching poofy chairs, Damien and Jack (looking very cozy) were sitting on the floor by the love seat, Erik was on the love seat, and I was surprised to see that his fiiiine friend, Cole, had pulled up a chair and was actually sitting between the Twins. I felt my lips twitch up. He was either very brave or very moronic. They were all chattering softly, and definitely not paying attention to The Mummy Returns, which was playing on TV. So, except for two things, it was a perfectly familiar scene. First, they were being way too quiet. Second, Stevie Rae should have been sitting on the love seat with her feet folded under her telling everyone to be quiet so she could hear the movie.
I swallowed back the teary, burning feeling in the back of my throat. I had to go on. We had to go on.
"Hi, guys," I said, trying to sound normal.
This time there wasn't an awkward silence at my presence. Instead there was an equally awkward everyone-talking-perkily-all-at-once.
"Hi, Z!"
"Zoey!"
"Hey there, Z!"
I managed not to sigh or roll my eyes as I took my place beside Erik. He put his arm around me and squeezed, which made me feel weirdly better but guilty. Better—because he was totally sweet and hot and I was still a little amazed that he seemed to like me so much. Guilty—well, that could be summed up in one word: Heath.
"Good! Now that Z's here we can start the marathon," Erik said.
"You mean the dorkathon," Shaunee said with a snort.
"If it was the weekend we could call it the geekend," Erin said.
"Let me guess." I looked up at Erik. "You brought the DVDs."
"Yep I did!"
The rest of the group groaned in exaggerated pain.
"Which means we're watching Star Wars," I said.
"Again," his friend Cole muttered.
Shaunee arched one perfectly waxed brow at Cole. "Are you saying that you're not a big Star Wars fan?"
He smiled at Shaunee, and even from where I was sitting I could see the flirty glimmer in his eyes. "Watching Erik's long extended director's cut of Star Wars for the millionth time is not why I came over here. I am a fan, but it's not of Darth and Chewbacca."
"Are you saying Princess Leia does it for you?" Shaunee quipped.
"No, I'm more colorful than that," he said, leaning toward her. "I'm not here because I'm a fan of Star Wars either," Jack piped in, giving Damien an adoring look.
Erin giggled. "Well, we know Princess Leia doesn't do it for you.
"Thankfully," Damien said.
"I wish Stevie Rae was here," Erik said. "She'd be all, Y'all, you're not bein’ very niiiice."
Erik's words made everyone shut up. I glanced at him and saw that his cheeks were getting red, like he hadn't realized exactly what he'd said till after he said it. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder.
"You're right. Stevie Rae would be scolding us like a mamma."
"And then she'd make everyone some popcorn and tell us to share nice," Damien said. "Even though she should say share nicely."
"I liked the way Stevie Rae messed up the English language," Shaunee said.
"Yeah, she Okie-fied it," Erin said.
We all smiled at each other, and I felt a small warmth begin in my chest. This is how it started—this is how we would remember Stevie Rae—with smiles and love.
"Uh, can I sit with you guys?"
I looked up to see that cute Drew Partain kid standing nervously at the edge of our group. He looked pale and sad, and his eyes were red as if he'd been crying. I remembered how he had looked at Stevie Rae, and felt a stab of sympathy for him.
"Sure!" I said warmly. "Pull up a chair." Then an inner prompting made me add, "There's room over there by Erin."
Erin's blue eyes widened a little, but she recovered quickly. "Yeah, pull up a chair, Drew. But be warned, we're watching Star Wars."
"Cool with me," Drew said, giving Erin a hesitant smile. "Short, but cute," I heard Shaunee whisper to Erin, and I do believe I saw Erin's cheeks get a little pink.
"Hey, I'm going to make us some popcorn. Plus, I need my—"
"Brown pop!" Damien, the Twins, and Erik said together.
I disentangled myself from Erik's arm and went to the kitchen, feeling more lighthearted than I had since Stevie Rae began coughing. Everything would be okay. The House of Night was my home. My friends were my family. I'd follow my own advice and take one day at a time—one issue at a time. I'd figure out a way to wade through my boyfriend issues. I'd do my best to avoid Neferet (without being too obvious that I was avoiding her) until I could figure out what was going on with her and the weird nondead Elliott (who was enough to give anyone nightmares—no wonder I'd had such a terrible dream about Stevie Rae and Heath).
I put one bag of extra-butter, super-pop popcorn in each of the four microwaves and grabbed big bowls as they started popping. Maybe I should cast another private circle and ask Nyx for help understanding the gross Elliott issue. My stomach clenched as I realized that I would be minus Stevie Rae. How was I going to deal with replacing her? It made me feel sick, but it had to be done. If not now, for my private ritual, I'd have to find someone before the next Full Moon Ritual. I closed my eyes against the pain of missing Stevie Rae and the reality of going on without her. Please show me what to do, I prayed silently to Nyx.