“Is that an excuse for ignoring me when I was going downstairs, or not knowing where I was?”
She did not look away this time. “It is not. One offers no excuse, nandi. We sensed you were annoyed with us, we sensed you wanted us to obey you; it was within the house, everything was safe—and we thought we would not lose you. Perhaps you wanted us to lose you. We did. And then we realized we had made a serious mistake, and we feared that you might have gone outside to shake us. It wasour mistake, we knew we had fault in what happened, we tried to redeem it, and it only got worse.”
He understood how thatwas. He had been in that situation far too often.
But she was an adult. Did adults get into that kind of mess?
And then it was as if a puzzle-piece clicked into place.
“You should have come back to me. Iwas out there on the porch. You should have come back to me. But you had no man’chi. Not to me. Not to my great-grandmother. Not even to my father! Had you?”
She did not flinch. “No. At that point, we were without man’chi. We had no idea what to do, then, but we were lost, and we had no clear sense what we were to do. One is grateful to the paidhi-aiji. To him. To his aishid. After everything that had happenedc one felt, with his aishid—one felt at home. Even in that place, one felt safe. One understands his quality. I know my estimation weighs nothing in this house. But I am sure now you are associated with one person whose direction is impeccable.”
“Nand’ Bren, you mean.”
“Yes, nandi. Nand’ Bren.”
“But not my great-grandmother.”
“One does not understand her, nandi. But one does not expect to understand a person of her quality. It is enough to understand that nand’ Bren follows her.”
“ Hecannot take you! I would be very surprised if he would, and you should not ask him!”
“No, nandi. One would by no means expect it. One is very junior to that aishid. We would have no place there. And we were assigned here, Lucasi and I, and one hopes—one hopes to find a place with your household, in spite of all we have done. One hopes Lucasi can find his way back. But if he does not—I would do all I can to find another partner, for the balance. If one were permitted.”
She was upset. He was upset with her being upset, for different reasons. And mani told him never talk when he was upset.
So he did not. He walked away a few steps and looked back at greater distance.
“If you stay, you will not behave badly toward Antaro and Jegari.”
“No, nandi. They have deserved your respect. I clearly have not.”
“You will always be second to them. They have always been with me. They arein my man’chi, and they have never done anything I did not approve.”
“One accepts that, nandi. I have skills, and I can teach them. I can bring them to Guild rank, nandi, in your service, and I will do that. I am older. At my best, I have mature judgment, which I would endeavor to use in your service, and I would do so wholeheartedly, if you will give me that chance. One asks. One asks, knowing one has not performed well. One would be honored to form a team with Jegari and Antaro.”
It was his decision. It was maybe the biggest decision he had ever had to make. And it was going to be even harder to undo if he was wrong.
“You will listen to Cenedi and Banichi, both, nadi, and you will notdo another such thing as slip around my orders!”
“I entirely agree, nandi.”
So. She had answered everything. He had run out of questions. “Then you will be here,” he said. “Your baggage is still in the room.” He started to walk out and leave her to whatever she had to do to move back in. But there was one thing he ought to say, that he wanted to say, and he stopped and gave a little nod of the head. “One hopes they find Lucasi safe, Vejico-nadi.
One very much hopes he will also come back.”
“Nandi,” she said faintly. “Thank you for your expression.”
10
« ^ »
A whole night’s sleep. Without nearly as much pain to wake him every time he tried to move.
Bren waked both with the astonished realization he was not in significant pain and the vague impression of hearing someone of his bodyguard stirring about. Which meant it was probably just before dawn.
A tentative wriggle of the shoulders and turn of the head produced one little residual crackle, but no lockup and no pain.
Odd. He hadn’t known his back was exacerbating the ribs. But it had been. The shoulders could relax. So now the back could. And the chest almost could.
The whole business came of being blown down flat on his shoulders, Bren decided. The impact of the bullet from the front, the lump on the back of his skull—that cursed small gilded chair which had both broken his fall and gotten in the way of it—
And he was convinced now, even without the evidence of the x-rays, that he was only bent, not broken. It made him feel better, if only in morale. He’d taken worse falls in his misspent youth. He’d fallen down a ski slope no few times. He didn’t bounce as well nowadays. But he was starting to get the better of this.
If he lived to get out of Tanaja.
That thought sent him toward the edge of the bed. He needed to get to work. People depended on him. His aishid did.
He hadn’t quite made it upright when Jago came through the door, whisked it shut at her back, turned on the lights and whispered, with a worried expression:
“You must get ready, Bren-ji. Lord Machigiis here.”
“ Here?” He shoved himself to his feet. “What time is it? Jago-ji. Clothes. Please.”
“It is still dark out,” she said, and started for his closet, but Tano came in from the other door, and without a word Tano went straight to the closet and started pulling clothes out— shirt.
Trousers. Jago diverted over to the dresser, and laid out linens.
Machigi. Here. In his rooms. Before sunrise.
That was not necessarily bad, but it was probably not good, either. Machigi would not be patient about whatever it was. And it was probably something he didn’t want a lot of publicity for.
Either that, or Machigi had been up all night reading those papers and decided the human should share the misery.
He made a fast trip to the bathroom. Shaved. Slapped feeling into his face.
If he were atevi, he would have had to sit down on the bath bench to have his hair combed and queued. Tano did it in the bedroom while he was standing and tied the ribbon of his queue as carefully as he could, while Jago was helping him on with his shirt, not even protesting that he should wear the cursed vest. She just reached for the coat while he did the buttons himself.
Between the two of them, they had him dressed in record time—no tea, no time to get his wits in order, but at least his collar was straight. The half-buttoned coat somewhat hid the lack of a vest.
Banichi and Algini were, presumably, holding the fort in the sitting room. He walked in, where, indeed, Machigi was standing glumly by his fireside, with two bodyguards darkening the doorward side of the sitting room. Banichi and Algini were on the left.
“Aiji-ma,” Bren said quietly, with a little bow.
“You have caused me trouble,” Machigi said.
“One is distressed to hear so, aiji-ma. Please inform me.”