He poured us another round. I was starting to feel quite good. I was still carrying around the sake and the grog. I felt safe in his office. Things were getting to be just fine.
“Christ, when that asshole called in with this story, it warmed the cockles of my heart. He really had it coming. I tossed down a few short ones to celebrate. Finally, I said to myself, finally one of them has got his just deserts.”
“Yeah, well it was only a scratch. No need to make a federal case out of it.”
“Listen, if it was me, I’d have knocked him out cold. I mean, who do those guys think they are?… Freshen that up for you?”
The vodka went to my head like a horde of burning suns. I held my glass out with a smile. Sometimes life was lovely after all. I put my hand on the cop’s manuscript and looked into his eyes. We were both pretty out of it-good thing we were sitting.
“Listen,” I said. “I’m hardly ever wrong about these things, and I’ll tell you something-your book is going to get published. I feel it in my bones. I hope you’ll send me an autographed copy.”
“You really think so?”
“There are certain signs. Your book is warm to the touch. It is an airplane about to take off.”
The cop made a face like someone crossing the finish line of a marathon. He wiped his forehead with his hand.
“Shit,” he said. “I can hardly believe it.”
“Well, that’s how it is,” I said. “Now, what are we going to do about Betty? Maybe after all we’ve said, we ought to just call it even and…”
“Christ, I’ll finally be able to get out of this crummy office…”
“Right. Absolutely. So how about it?… Can I go get her?”
I had to wait a few minutes for him to stop emoting. I glanced out the window into the dark night. I hoped that soon it would all be over. Ile scratched his head with one hand and poured us what was left in the bottle with the other. He sat there, watching the last drop fall.
“Now for your friend… It’s a little tricky,” he said, making a face. “There is this fucking complaint, after all. I don’t really have a free hand here.”
“Shit, don’t you remember?” I said. “She did it for guys like you and me. She sacrificed herself so that those fuckers would think twice before burying our books! She fought for us! Now it’s our turn to do something for her!”
“My God, I know. I know. But there’s this complaint…”
He couldn’t even look me in the eye. He sat there scratching an invisible spot on his pants. All the vodka I’d drunk had gotten me hot. I started raising my voice. I’d totally forgotten I was in a police station.
“So what’s it gonna be?” I said. “I mean, who makes the laws around here, anyway? Are we going to let that asshole have the last word?! Are we going to keep writing only to be left behind in the dust?!!”
“You don’t understand. The complaint has been filed…”
He seemed embarrassed, but in the end he was just yellow, a lily-livered wimp, hogtied from head to foot. I started choking. “Listen,” I said. “Don’t tell me there’s nothing we can do here. This is a police station, after all. You ought to be able to do something…”
“Yes, but it isn’t that simple. A filed complaint… there are records…”
“Fine. I get it. Okay…”
“I swear, man, I’m really sorry. If there was a solution I would…”
We looked each other directly in the eye. I wondered if he thought it was funny-doling out his words one at a time like that; I wondered if it wasn’t conditioning that came with the job. I waited until he was good and ripe…
“Tell me what to do,” I said.
He looked at his shoes and shuffled his feet.
“It wouldn’t take much.” He sighed. “All you have to do is get the guy to withdraw his complaint.”
No one talked for a while. Then I stood up and grabbed my carton of juice-one hundred percent natural.
“Can I see her? Is that possible?”
“Yeah, I can arrange that.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for your book,” I said.
There was one other woman in there with her, laid out on the bench in back. There wasn’t much light-the minimum. It was awful. She seemed in decent shape, though, even relaxed. You might have wondered which one of us was locked up. I gave her the orange juice with a wan smile, and held on to the bars.
“How you doing?” I asked.
“Okay, and you? What’s the matter? You don’t look so good.”
“This whole fucking thing is my fault. But I’m going to get you out of here in a hurry. Just hold on, baby.”
The bars were thick. No way to bend them apart after all I’d drunk-I was out of strength. Her hair was trying to tell me something. I put my hand out to touch it.
“I’d feel better if I had a lock of hair to take with me,” I blubbered.
She gave it a toss, laughing. Suddenly it wasn’t a prison cell-it was the cavern of Ali Baba. I was surely crazy, but I like being crazy-getting shaken by the sappiest of sights, putting my hand out to a girl to be taken away from all the senseless shit that surrounds us, a small flame burning in my belly.
She had such an effect on me. I stumbled, then righted myself with a smile. All that counted was that she was alive. The rest didn’t exist.
“Hey…” she said. “Man, you can hardly stand up. Come here…”
I didn’t. I backed up a little.
“You don’t know what I’ve been through-I haven’t stopped thinking about you one second.”
“Yeah, but it hasn’t killed you, has it? It hasn’t been a waste of time…”
I felt like a moving sidewalk was pulling me toward the door. I backed away, against the wall. I absolutely had to leave with a sweet image in my head-something I could carry around like a good-luck charm.
“Everything’s going to be all right,” I said. “I got to go now, but I swear you’re not going to rot in here very long, because I’m going to take care of everything. I’m going to solve all our problems.”
“Yeah, I can see that. You can barely stand up. I’m sure you’ll do a good job. Hey, don’t go away like that…”
But I did. I kept backing up until I found myself in the shadow of the hallway, where I couldn’t see her anymore.
“Don’t forget, I’m getting you out of here!” I shouted. “Don’t be afraid!”
There was a hollow noise, as if shr’d kicked the bars with her foot.
“HAHA!” she said. “YOU THINK THIS STUFF SCARES ME??”
I went home slowly, going in through the back to avoid Eddie and Lisa. I went straight to the bedroom without turning on the lights. I heard them talking downstairs. I lay down and smoked an entire cigarette. I breathed slowly, bringing her image up in my head for as long, and as often, as I pleased. I felt better after that. I splashed a little water on my face, then went downstairs. I felt their eyes on me halfway down the stairs.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “It’s almost all taken care of.”
“You been here long?” Eddie asked.
“Now don’t get upset. Do you realize that Mario is working without olives? Looked at your watch lately?”
We jumped in the car. I worked like a dog all night, but my heart wasn’t in it. Tips, zero.
13
I woke up the next morning. I didn’t think twice. I got out of bed and, while the coffee was heating, did twenty push-ups without batting an eye. I don’t usually do things like that, but somehow it felt right. I stood up again and walked to the window. A ray of sunshine hit me in the face. It made me smile. I went to turn off the coffee, and broke the knob on the stove in half. I felt fit-incapable of coming up with a single thought, but wound tight as a spring and responsive as a remote-control engine. This was fine with me. From time to time it feels good to unplug your brain. I watched myself get dressed, straighten up the room, and do a few dishes. I smoked a cigarette before I left-the last cigarette of the condemned man. The condemned man wasn’t me, but I smoked it for him, to save time.