A small chuckle spurts from his mouth.
"Okay fine, but you have to turn your own pages."
Grabbing up his pen, I watch him try, but fail to get back into Physics.
I continue reading. It's slightly frustrating turning my own pages, but after five or six, I'm getting the hang of it.
Dale watches me with a slight look of wonder in his eyes. Every time a page flutters to the floor he shakes his head.
"I wonder what else you can do?" He finally mutters, closing his Physics book and collecting up the pages I've dropped. "Here, try picking up my pen."
I gaze at the object and try to collect it up, but it won't budge off the table.
"Are you trying?"
"Yes, but it's not working." I flick my finger on it and watch it roll slightly.
"There you go." Dale looks excited.
"Yes, but I can't pick it up and what's it really achieving anyway? Me picking up a pen is not going to help find me."
"I know, but at least it shows that your mind is strong. It shows that you have some will power."
I watch him open up the map book again and bring his computer screen to life. He blinks a few times and leans towards it as he stifles a yawn.
"Seriously, Dale. You're no good to me unless you sleep." I look at the clock on his screen. "Come on, it's ten o'clock. Go to bed."
"Okay, fine." He sighs, turning off the computer screen and walking to his bed. Reaching under his pillow he pulls out a t-shirt and boxer shorts. He whips off his shirt and I'm once again surprised by my instant attraction. He goes to lose his pants then pauses. "Are you... staying?"
"Um. No, I... I'll head home. See you in the morning."
Dale crosses the room and opens his door for me. Walking down the stairs, he lets me out the front. His grin is too cute as he waves goodbye. I hope no one can see him. What kind of moron randomly opens their front door, shirtless, and waves to the air?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I dread going home, but I force my legs to walk in that direction. I notice Dad's car in the driveway. At least he's home now. Wandering around to the back of the house, I decide to face the bathroom window again. It's thinner than any of the doors in the house and for some reason that makes it feel more do-able. I'm surprised to see it's still open. Mom usually closes it before she heads to bed.
Because I'm an idiot... or maybe because I just moved a few pages of Dale's manuscript, I fool myself into thinking I can climb through the window this time. I, of course, fail. My mind makes me do another "ants in my pants" type dance before I can head to my room. As I ascend the stairs, I notice a soft glow through the doorway.
My bedside lamp is on and Mom is sitting on my bed... reading my diary.
"What are you doing?"
I try to grab for the book, but it's pointless. I don't even ruffle the pages this time. My mother sniffs loudly and turns the next page. I try to see where she's up to.
I can't believe I did it. I lost my virginity to Chris Cooper!
I cringe. I can't believe my mother is reading this! Can I die now, please.
"I thought it would be magical," my mother murmurs my words aloud, "but it wasn't. It actually really hurt and he's barely spoken to me since. Not that I care."
My mother drops the book in her lap.
"Not that you care? Oh, honey." She covers her mouth and blinks at tears.
"I'm sorry, Mom." I sit down beside her. "The truth is... I... I don't know why I did it."
Yes you do.
"My friends told me he was hot and super cool and I'd be an idiot not to go for it. He was kind of insistent. It was just easier to give in. It kind of happened before I could stop it."
I shake my head, feeling dirty and ashamed, yet knowing it was what I deserved.
Mom reaches for a tissue and blows her nose.
"How you holding up?" Dad appears in the doorway. His shirt is all wrinkled and coming untucked, his tie is loose and sitting at a funny angle. He looks tired.
"This is our fault." Mom shakes her head.
"Hey, don't talk that way." Dad steps into the room and leans against the wall.
"Do you know how she's been living? She has every right to run away."
"Why are you saying this?" Dad frowns.
"I found her diary." Mom lifts the thick book, flicking the pages through her thumb. "I don't know this girl."
"Do you really think you should be reading that?"
"Yes!" She opens it up again and slaps her hand on the page. "Yes I should. I can't believe I've waited so long and let so much slide."
She flicks to the back and scans the contents.
"Did you know she stole your credit card last week?"
Dad shoves his hands in his pockets and looks to the floor.
"Yeah, I was going to call her on it when the bill came."
"Were you?"
He sighs.
"Probably not."
"How could we let this happen?"
"We were letting her grieve, Trudy."
"For over two years?" Mom slams the book shut and throws it into the drawer. "We weren't letting her grieve; we just didn't know what to do with her."
She stood up and straightened her skirt.
"We've done the best we can."
"Have we?" Approaching my father with soft steps, she looks at him with broken eyes and whispers, "Is this really our best, Mitchell?"
Before he can reply, she walks out the door. Dad turns to watch her leave.
"Trudy."
I hear her descending the stairs, ignoring his pathetic pleas.
He lets out a long sigh and runs his hands through his hair. Pinching his nose, he curses.
"Follow her, Dad." I walk towards him. "Please. She wants you to follow her."
Letting out an irritated huff, he thumps the wall and follows her. Mom is fluffing around the kitchen, noisily making a cup of tea.
"Jody's death was hard on all of us. We've all been trying to find our way, Trudy."
"On our own." She pauses to look at him "How was that ever going to work?"
She pours boiling water on her teabag and lets it steep.
"We might as well face it, if Nicole's gone, we should just end it now."
Dad stands up straight.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on, Mitchell. We've only stayed together for her."
Loosening his tie, Dad pulls it off and shakes his head. I can see him struggling to rein in his emotions, but he manages an even voice when he responds.
"Not me. I'd never leave you."
"You left me the day Jody died."
"I stayed." Dad throws his tie on the counter, his voice breaking. "You just stopped letting me in."
Mom lifts the teabag out of her cup and throws it in the sink.
Leaning against the cold metal, she drops her head and whispers, "I don't know us anymore. I don't even know my own daughter."
Turning, she looks at Dad, her eyes awash with tears.
"Don't you see? With her gone, we have nothing left."
Dad's face turns to charcoal as he grabs his tie and storms out of the room.
"Dad, don't go!" I call after him. "This is why you have nothing left." I race after him and find him scrambling for his keys. "Where are you going?"
He can't hear me and nearly walks straight through me as he makes his way to the front door, avoiding the kitchen altogether.