Adam blanches and steps away, looking skittish.
Returning to the car, Dale frees a barking Jester.
"Where are you?" He looks up for me as Adam glances behind him, looking totally freaked out by Dale's strange behavior.
"I'm by the front passenger door."
Dale leads his dog to me and stands patiently as Jester thoroughly sniffs my ankles, all the way up to my crotch.
"Hey!" I slap at his nose.
Dale bites back a smile.
"C'mere Jess." He tugs the leash and makes the dog sit as his feet. Bending down, he rubs Jester's ears while looking at his eyes. "I need you to find her for me. You just follow that smell, okay boy?"
Jester barks. I want to tell Dale this is so not going to work, but bite my tongue. He doesn't need my standard negativity right now. Looking just a touch nervous, Dale unhooks Jester's leash and steps back.
"Go hunting, boy. Go on."
He points to the embankment and Jester does a flying leap over the guardrail. He has got to be the only one enjoying this right now.
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to stave off the cold as Dale cautiously climbs over the guardrail. He stops and looks back at his quiet friend.
"Let's go."
The giant blond suddenly seems small as he scratches his neck and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't want to, man."
Dale's face turns a dark shade of black.
"Get your butt over here, Hutton."
I wouldn't argue with that tone of voice either. I nibble on my pinky nail as I watch the exchange. After what seems an age of stony silence, Adam raises his leg and joins Dale on the other side.
The loose debris is slippery beneath their feet as they half walk, half slide down the embankment. Dale catches his balance against a tall tree.
"Any of this look familiar?"
Adam shrugs, looking annoyed. "It was dark, man."
I reply, "It all looks the same. I'm not sure how far down I am."
Dale nods and continues edging his way down the slope. Adam's reluctance to follow is irritating, but it can't beat the feeling swamping me.
The thought drums in my brain until my head is hurting with the effort.
He can't find me until he knows.
I grip my temple and want to whimper. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a quick breath and yell. "Stop!"
Dale nearly lands on his backside, but he manages to catch himself on a branch and stand straight. He looks back towards me, anxious after my sudden outburst.
I make my way towards him, hating myself and this moment.
"I can't let you do this." I stop by his side and touch his arm. "You have to know."
"Know what?"
"What you're trying to save."
"Nicole, I told you I don't care about your past."
Adam glances back at Dale.
"What'd you say?"
"Uh... I'm just going to check over here, make sure we're covering everywhere. You keep following Jester."
Adam gives an unenthusiastic nod and keeps descending the hill.
I look back to Dale and swallow.
"I know you say you don't care, but I can't let you put all this on the line for me. I honestly don't deserve it."
He looks a little annoyed that I won't let this go.
"What, Nicole? What did you do that was so terrible?"
Holding my breath, I count to five then release it in a gush. The words tumble out of me, small and pathetic.
"I killed my sister."
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Dale's skin is white, his eyes wide with horror.
I knew he'd change his mind.
"Just call Jester back. You don't have to keep looking for me."
Dale's blink is slow and forced, but when his eyes pop open they have lost their 'deer in front of headlights’ quality.
"Where are you standing? I want to look at you for this."
"I'm at your three."
In slow motion, he turns to face me. I gaze at his scar, something that should be so ugly and marring, instead I want to touch it, to run my finger along its smooth edge. I make fists with my hands and look to the ground.
"You need to listen to me very carefully." Dale's voice is slow and controlled. "You did not kill your sister. She fell. It was an accident."
Bubbles rush up inside me; they are filled with guilt and regret. I bend over as the agony makes my chest want to rip apart.
"You don't understand. I was supposed to be watching her. She was my responsibility." I draw in a ragged breath. "She was such a cool kid. So sweet and adorable, everybody loved her." I swipe at the fresh tears swarming my cheeks and stand up, forcing myself to get through this. "Usually when mom and dad went out we played and danced or made up games, but I didn't want to that day. I was annoyed that I had to look after her and everything she was doing just irritated me.
"I eventually got so mad that I dragged her outside and locked the door."
My voice was starting to break, making it hard to continue. I sniffed loudly, my stomach jolting with sobs.
"I went to my room to keep working on my latest cover design. I heard Jody calling, but I ignored her. She was just trying to get my attention. She was shouting for help and I kept thinking, 'Yeah, whatever, Jo. Cry wolf all you like.'"
My body is shaking as I force out the rest of the story.
"Then she screamed. She sounded so scared and I jumped up and ran to the sliding door in the living room. She was dangling from one of the branches of this really tall pine tree. The one we weren't allowed to climb. The one I had secretly taught her how to climb."
I cover my mouth with my hand then sniff.
"She looked towards me, Dale, and I swear our eyes met for a second before her little fingers slipped. The last thing I heard was her screaming my name then this... thud."
Dale's face is etched with agony as I glance at him. I close my eyes and look away.
"I ran out to her. She was lying on the ground all broken like a little bird and there was blood oozing out all over the ground, soaking into her hair." I fall to my knees as the image crystallizes in my brain. I force myself to gaze upon her lifeless face.
"You've never told anyone this before, have you?"
"No." My voice is so small, emotion robbing it of any volume.
"Nicole." Dale bends down in front of me, somehow sensing I'm now on the ground. "I know you think you don't deserve any other chances, but I refuse to believe I can hear you, unless you are meant to live. You have to fight."
"For what?"
I look up at him, images of my current life flashing through my head like flying photographs.
"The right to correct your mistakes."
"I can't fix this one. I can't bring her back." I jump up and move away from him.
"I know," his voice is soft, "but you don't deserve to die."
"Neither did Jody." I spin around and look at his crouched form. "She was such a good kid, pure and sweet. I was always the trouble maker; it was me who deserved to fall out of that tree."
Dale slowly stands and puts his hands in his pockets.
"Maybe. But would you have wanted Jody to live without you? Her big sister that she looked up to? What would have that done to her?"
I close my eyes and shake my head, feeling the inevitable cold edging towards my heart. "It doesn't matter. It's over."