Her dimples jump into place. "You'll see."
"So I go with you?" Hope spurts through my system followed swiftly by despair.
Jody's head tips to the side as she studies me.
I look away from her assessing gaze and cross my arms.
"We both know I don't deserve to, Jo."
"Why not?"
"You know why?!"
"Nicky, you need to understand this. It's not your fault."
"I shouldn't have locked you outside." I shake my head.
"I shouldn't have climbed that tree."
I glance at her with a frown.
"I should have come when you called me."
"I should have done the right thing and left you alone. There were a million other things I could have been doing that day, but I chose to annoy you. I knew how badly you wanted to finish that cover, but I wanted to play. I was trying to punish you."
The defensive walls inside my chest start to crumble as I fight to win the argument. "I'm your older sister. It was my responsibility to care for you."
"You never let me down, Nicky." Jody's voice is quiet and sure, leaving no room for objections. "I adored you every day of my life. You were the best older sister ever and I'm so sorry you've been suffering because of me."
"How can you be so forgiving?" Tears bubble on the edge of my lashes.
"That's easy." Her eyes light with a warm smile. "I love you."
I can do nothing but grin back as I swipe at my tears.
"I've missed you so much. You were such a ray of sunshine, remember how Mom used to say that all the time."
We both chuckle, but mine quickly dies away. "Home's not the same without you."
"I know and I miss you guys too."
"I wish I could turn back time and change what happened."
"Life doesn't work that way." Jody shrugs. "Besides, I'm happy, Nicky. It's so amazing up there."
She points in the direction she descended from.
"Better than anything anyone could possibly imagine." She shakes her head, looking blissfully happy.
It sounds amazing. I look up and feel the tug of curiosity.
Jody holds out her hand.
"You don't have to be afraid. I'll take care of you."
She giggles.
I smile at the sweet sound and reach for her hand. A shout from below grabs my attention. I glance down and watch Dale lean over my body, pumping my chest, forcing me heart to reignite.
"No! Nicole! Come on!"
I pull away from Jody, my heart splitting open at his cries.
"He's a really great guy." Jody's voice catches my attention. "I like him better than your other boyfriends."
"He's not my boyfriend," I murmur, unable to tear my eyes away from him.
"Well, he should be."
Sadness swamps me as I glance back at Jody.
"I guess he never can be now." I shrug my shoulders and turn back to face her... ready to join her in this mysterious life of light.
Jody raises her little hand and steps away from me with a soft sigh.
"If you went back, what would you do with your life?"
"I don't know."
Jody's eyes take on a granite quality.
"You've been punishing yourself for my death... partying, hanging out with people who don't care about you, dating guys who only want one thing."
She looks a little broken over it all.
I flush with guilt and look away from her.
"That would have to stop."
My air supply is cut short and I look over to her with wide eyes. What is she saying?
"Do you think you could do that?" Her question is said with a strong voice, way older than her nine years. I suddenly feel like the junior as I dip my head and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Nicky? Do you think you could?"
My brain ticks over with images of what my new life could be like. I'd have a few road blocks to face before I got to where I really wanted to be. Could I overcome them?
Eventually I nod.
"Yeah, I think I could."
"No more slips up?"
Her face is stern, her childlike innocence nowhere to be found.
I swallow my chuckle.
"I'll try."
"No, you have to promise. Promise me it will end."
The earnest seriousness in her eyes makes my mouth go dry.
"I promise." And I really mean it.
Her face flashes with disappointment and she nods.
"Then you have a choice."
My heart does a slow double thud before taking off like a race horse.
"I do?"
"Yeah," she sighs. "I'm allowed to give you a choice. I don't really want to."
She looks to the ground.
"It'd be great to have you up there and you'd be so happy. Life down there is really hard and your road to recovery is going to be long and painful."
She looks up, her big blue eyes glinting like a salesman's. A deep dimple appears on her left cheek and her lips twitch.
"But if you want to, you're allowed to return."
I study her for a long beat, knowing what she wants... then I look through the bubble back down to earth. Memories of my last few days caught between life and death flood my brain... Dale's smirk, Adam's pale fear, my Dad's guilty tears and my Mom's silent sorrow. I look up at the light and once again feel a tug towards it. It's stronger this time so I look away.
"What will happen to everyone I leave behind?"
"I can't see into the future." Jody shrugs.
I frown at her.
"But you just said my road will be long and painful."
Her eyes pop wide with an 'are you kidding me?' look.
"You've been hit by a car. I'm just using common sense."
Laughter bursts out of me before I can stop it.
"You always were smarter than me, Jo." I shake my head and look to my feet. The weight of the decision is huge. I've hated my life for so long and now I have the perfect escape, but...
I flick my watch strap a couple of times then look across at Jody.
"I really want to come with you." I force my lips to smile. "But I can't do it to Mom and Dad." I gaze through the floor and watch Dale urgently trying to resuscitate me. "I can't do it to him."
When I look back, Jody is gazing at me with a resigned smile.
"He told me you'd say that."
"Who?"
She shrugs.
"The one who believes in you."
My brows dip with confusion.
"Don't worry, you'll get to meet him one day, but for now just know that we're both watching you."
The thought that she might be talking about God flitters through my head. My brain flashes with a quick 'I don't believe in him', but it's followed by a swift, 'are you sure about that?'
I shake my head. That's a question for another day.
Stepping forward, Jody rises to her tip toes and wraps her arms around my neck.
"I love you, Nicky."
"I love you too." I squeeze back as hard as I can, enjoying the familiar feeling of my sister, wrapped in my arms. I try not to imagine what life would have been like had she not died and I then have to try extra hard not to imagine returning to earth without her.
She squeezes me back then pulls away.
"Remember your promise."
"I will."
Our parting smiles are filled with warmth and affection. My tummy rumbles with giggles as Jody turns away and does a few quick dance moves we'd worked on as kids. She turns back with a cheeky grin and then starts to float away from me. I watch her ascend. When she is once again a tiny dot, the bubble around me pops and I'm falling.