In the old society, this is how it was:
In the new society, this is how it is:
4
My ability to memorize lyrics and my musical talent stood out among the students in Ji Qiongzhi’s music class. As I was singing “with women at the very very bottom,” Mother held up a towel-wrapped bottle filled with goat’s milk, stood outside the window, and called out repeatedly: “Jintong, come have your milk!”
Her shouts and the smell of the milk diverted my attention, but when class was nearly over, I was the only one who finished the song without missing a beat. There were forty students in the class, and I was the only one Ji Qiongzhi commended. After asking my name, she had me stand up and sing “Women’s Liberation Anthem” from start to finish. Now that class was over, Mother handed me my milk through the window. When I hesitated taking it, she said, “Drink it, son. Mother’s proud to see how well you’re doing.”
There was muted laughter in the room.
“Take it, child. What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Mother said.
Ji Qiongzhi walked up beside me. Leaning on her pointer as she looked out the window, she said in a friendly voice, “I see it’s you, aunty. I ask you please not to do anything to disrupt the class from now on.” Gazing into the classroom, Mother replied respectfully, “Teacher, he’s my only son, and, unfortunately, he hasn’t eaten real food since he was a baby. When he was small, he lived on my milk, and now he gets by with goat’s milk alone. This morning the goat didn’t give enough for a meal, and I want to make sure he has enough to get through the day.” Ji Qiongzhi smiled and said, “Take it. Don’t make your mother stand there holding it.” My face was burning as I took the bottle from her. Ji Qiongzhi said to Mother, “But he needs to eat real food. You don’t expect him to drag a milk goat along when he goes to high school and college, do you?” She was probably trying to picture a college student walking into a classroom with a goat on a tether. But then she laughed, a hearty laugh without a hint of ill will, and asked, “How old is he?” “Thirteen, born the year of the rabbit,” Mother answered. “He worries me too, but he can’t keep other food down. It gives him such a terrible bellyache that he breaks out in a sweat, and that scares me every time it happens.” “That’s enough, Mother,” I said unhappily. “Please don’t say any more. And I don’t want the milk.” I handed her the bottle through the window. Ji Qiongzhi flipped my ear with her finger. “Don’t be like that, student Shangguan. You can gradually overcome your problem, but for now drink your milk.” I turned and saw all those shining eyes and felt deeply ashamed. “Now listen to me,” Ji said. “You are not to laugh at other people’s weaknesses.” She walked out of the classroom.
Facing the wall, I drank down the milk as fast as I could, and handed the bottle out through the window. “Mother,” I said, “please don’t come here anymore.”
During the break between classes, Wu Yunyu and Ding Jingou were on their best behavior, sitting expressionless on their stools. The fat kid Fang Shuzhai took off his belt, stepped up onto his desk, and looped his belt over a rafter to play the hangman’s game. Then, in the high-pitched voice of a widow, he began to sob and voice her grief: Dog Two, Dog Two, how could you do that? With your arms outstretched, you return to your maker, and leave your little woman to sleep alone night after night. A worm gnaws at my heart, so I must hang myself. I'll see you down in the Yellow Springs.
He sobbed and he grieved until, there on his fat little piggy cheeks, two lines of tears appeared. His nose was running, the stuff dripping down into his mouth. “I can’t go on living!” he wailed as he stood on his tiptoes and stuck his head through the loop he’d made with his belt. Grabbing hold of the noose with both hands, he leaned forward and jumped. “I can’t go on living!” he shouted. He jumped again. “I’ve lived long enough!” The laughter in the room had a strange quality. Wu Yunyu, who was still nursing his anger, placed both hands on his desk, stuck out his leg, and knocked Fang Shuzhai’s desk out from under him, leaving him hanging there. He shrieked as he grabbed the rope with both hands and hung on for dear life, his squat, pudgy legs flailing in the air, but more and more slowly by the second. His face began to turn purple, he was foaming at the mouth, and a death rattle sounded deep in his throat. “He’s dead!” several of the younger children screamed in terror as they ran out of the classroom. Out in the yard they stomped their feet and continued to scream: “He’s dead! Fang Shuzhai hanged himself!” Fang Shuzhai’s arms were hanging limply at his sides by now and his legs were no longer flailing. With a jerk, his body stretched out long. A loud fart wriggled out of the crotch of his pants like a snake, while out in the yard, the other students were running around crazily. Ji Qiongzhi came out of the faculty office along with several men whose names and the subjects they taught I didn’t know. “Who’s dead? Who is it?” they asked on their way into the classroom, tripping on all the construction debris that hadn’t yet been cleared away. A bunch of excited and panicky students led the way, stumbling when they turned to look behind them. Leaping like a gazelle, Ji was inside the classroom in seconds. She looked confused as she went from bright sunlight into a dark room. “Where is he?” she demanded. Fang Shuzhai’s body lay fell heavily on the floor like a slaughtered pig. His belt had snapped in two.
Ji knelt down and turned him face-up. She frowned and scrunched up her lips to block her nostrils. Fang Shuzhai stank to high heaven. She reached down and put her finger under his nose and then savagely pinched the ridge between his nose and mouth. Just then, Fang Shuzhai reached up and grabbed her hand. Still frowning, she got to her feet and kicked Fang Shuzhai. “Stand up!”
“Who kicked that desk over?” There was anger in her look and in her voice as she stood facing the class. “I couldn’t see.” “I couldn’t see.” “I couldn’t see.” “Well, then, who did see? Or which of you kicked it over? How about showing some guts for once.” We held our heads way down low. Fang Shuzhai was sobbing. “Shut up!” she said, smacking the table. “If you’re really that eager to die, there’s nothing to it. I’ll teach you some surefire ways a little later. I don’t believe that none of you saw who kicked the desk over. Shangguan Jintong, you’re an honest boy, you tell me.” I let my head droop even lower. “Raise your head and look at me,” she said. “I know you’re scared, but you have my word there’s nothing to be scared of.” I looked up and gazed into that revolutionary face, with those beautiful eyes, and I was immersed in a feeling like an autumn wind. “I believe you have the courage to expose bad people and evil deeds,” she said crisply, “a necessary quality for the youth of new China.” I tilted my head slightly to the left, only to be confronted by an intimidating glare from Wu Yunyu. My head fell back down onto my chest.