“No one is going to love me if I’m fat,” she said glumly. It was the message her father had given her for years, almost in the form of a curse.
“That’s not true,” the psychiatrist said calmly. “Someone who loves you will love you fat, thin, or any shape.” Victoria didn’t answer, and it was obvious she didn’t believe what Dr. Watson had said. She knew better. There were no men pounding down her door, stopping her on the street to beg for her phone number, or asking her for dates. “You can always go back to the nutritionist. That worked for you pretty well.” And they had discussed Weight Watchers many times, but she never got there. She said she was too busy.
“Yeah, I guess I’ll call her in a few weeks.” She wanted to settle in first. But she wanted to lose some weight before she went back to school. She was in her bigger clothes again after the trip. She talked about her trip again then, and the hour was over. As she walked outside, she had the feeling again that she was stuck. Her life was going nowhere. And she bought herself an ice cream cone on the way home, and told herself what difference did it make anyway. She would start dieting seriously tomorrow.
Harlan and John were home when she got in, and so was Bunny. They were happy to see her, and they had dinner together that night when Bunny got back from the gym. John had made a big bowl of pasta and lobster salad, both of which were irresistible. Harlan could see that she had gained weight, but he didn’t say anything. They were just happy to be together again, and Bunny told her she was engaged and showed them her ring. She was getting married the following spring. It didn’t come as a surprise to any of them, and Victoria was happy for her.
Gracie had texted her earlier to let her know that she had gotten home, and she called Victoria that night before she went to bed. She said their parents had taken her out to dinner, and she was going to Malibu with friends the next day. She had a busy summer ahead. And Victoria went to sleep dreaming of Venice, sitting in the gondola next to Gracie under the Bridge of Sighs. And then she dreamed of the risotto milanese they’d eaten at Harry’s Bar.
The rest of the summer went by too quickly. Victoria spent the Fourth of July weekend at a bed and breakfast in the Hamptons with Helen and a group of single female teachers from Madison. She went to Maine with Harlan and John in August. There were some blisteringly hot days in New York where she did nothing but lie around. It was too hot to go jogging, so she went to the gym once in a while. It was a token effort, but she wasn’t in the mood. She was sad after Gracie left following their trip. They’d had such a good time together. Victoria really missed her, and was lonely without her. She went to one Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and never went back.
And as she had promised, she flew out to California for the weekend to help Gracie settle into her dorm room at USC. It was a day of chaos, bittersweet memories, and tears of hello and goodbye. Victoria helped her unpack, while their father set up her stereo and computer, and their mother neatly folded underwear into a drawer.
Gracie had two roommates in a tiny room, and it was a major feat getting everyone’s things put away in lockers, a single closet, and three chests of drawers, with three desks and three computers crowding the room. And all three sets of parents and Victoria were trying to help their girls. By late afternoon, they had done everything they could, and Gracie walked outside with them. She looked as though she was about to panic, and her father looked like he was about to cry. And Victoria had a heavy heart. Gracie really was grown up now, and they had to open the door to the cage and let her fly. Her parents were far more reluctant to do that, and it wasn’t easy for Victoria either.
They were standing outside the door of the dorm, talking, when a tall, good-looking boy with a tennis racket in his hand sauntered by. He stopped the moment he saw Gracie, as though he had been struck by lightning and couldn’t move another step. Victoria smiled at the look on his face. She had seen boys react to her sister that way before.
“Freshman?” he asked her. He could tell from the hall where he was standing, and she nodded. She had the same look in her eyes that he did, and Victoria almost laughed. It would be just too simple if Gracie found the man of the moment the day she moved into the dorm. How easy was that?
“Junior? Senior?” she inquired with a hopeful look, and he grinned.
“Business school,” he answered with a broad smile, which meant he was at least four years older than she was, and probably more like five or six. “Hi,” he said then, glancing at all of them. “I’m Harry Wilkes.” They had all heard of Wilkes Hall and wondered if he was of the family that had donated it. He shook hands with her parents and Victoria and then smiled dazzlingly at Gracie and asked if she’d like to play tennis at six o’clock. She beamed and said she would. He promised to come back for her then and then jogged off.
“Well, that was easy,” Victoria commented as he left. “Tennis anyone? You really don’t know how lucky you are.”
“Yes, I do,” she said with a dreamy look. “He’s really cute.” And then as though she had been taken over by an alien being from outer space, she spoke to Victoria in an undertone: “I’m going to marry him one day.”
“Why don’t you check him out at tennis first?” Victoria had seen all the boys who had come and gone in her high school days. This was only the beginning of four years of college. She just hoped Gracie didn’t follow in their mother’s footsteps and spend all four years looking for a husband, instead of having fun. There was no reason to even think of marriage at her age.
“No. Seriously. I am. I just felt it when he said hello to me,” Gracie said with a serious look that made Victoria want to throw water on her to wake her up.
“Hello. This is college. Four years of fun, things to learn, and great guys. Let’s not get married the first day.”
“Leave it to your sister to find the richest kid on campus,” their father said proudly, assuming he was the Wilkes of Wilkes Hall. “He looked pretty taken with her.”
“So was half of Italy in June. Let’s not lose our heads here,” Victoria said, trying to be the voice of reason, but no one was listening to her. His name had done it for her father. His looks had done it for Gracie. And the word marriage did it for their mother. Poor Harry Wilkes was a goner, Victoria thought to herself, if the three of them got hold of him. “Listen, you,” she said to her little sister, “try not to get engaged before I come back for Thanksgiving.” She gave her a big hug then, and the two sisters held each other, wishing they could stop time and freeze this moment forever. “I love you,” Victoria whispered into her dark curly hair. Gracie looked like a child in her sister’s arms, and Gracie looked up at her with tears on her lashes.
“I love you too. I really meant what I said before. I just got this weird feeling about him.”
“Oh shut up,” Victoria said, laughing, and gave her a sisterly shove. “Have fun at tennis. Call and tell me how it was.” Victoria wasn’t leaving for New York till the morning. There was nothing to stay for once Gracie left the house, nothing to keep Victoria there. There hadn’t been in years.
The three of them walked back to the enormous parking lot and found her father’s car. Victoria got into the backseat, and they rode in silence all the way home, each of them lost in thought, thinking how fast it had all gone. One minute Gracie was a baby, a toddler careening around the room at full speed, Victoria was taking her to first grade and kissing her goodbye, then suddenly she was a teenager, and now this. And they all knew with sadness and certainty that the next four years would wing past them just as fast.