“Everyone’s going to love it,” Gracie exclaimed with a delirious expression. “They can wear it afterward to any black-tie event.” The dress was expensive, but it wasn’t a problem for most of her bridesmaids, and her father had promised to cover the difference if she found a dress that some of her bridesmaids couldn’t afford. The price wasn’t the issue for Victoria, since her father was paying for it. The problem was that the dress would look hideous on her. Her breasts and hips were just too large for the style. And to add to her misery as she looked at it, it was the color of bittersweet chocolate, which Victoria just couldn’t wear with her fair skin, blue eyes, and pale blond hair.
“I can’t wear that dress,” she said reasonably to her sister. “I’ll look like a mountain of chocolate mousse, with either spelling. Even if I lost fifty pounds. Or maybe a hundred. My chest is too big. And I can’t wear that color.” Her sister looked at her with imploring eyes.
“It’s exactly what I wanted. I just didn’t know it. It’s a gorgeous gown.”
“Yes, it is,” Victoria readily agreed with her, “but for someone your size. If you wear that, and I wear the wedding gown, it’ll be perfect. That dress will be frightening on me. I’m sure it doesn’t even come in my size.”
“You can order it in any size,” the saleswoman said helpfully. It was an expensive dress, and would have made a handsome sale.
“Can we get ten of them by June?” Gracie asked with a look of panic, totally ignoring her sister’s pleas for mercy.
“I’m sure we can. We can probably have them for you by December, if you get me all the sizes.” Gracie looked relieved and Victoria near tears.
“Gracie, you can’t do that to me. I’ll look horrible in that dress.”
“No, you won’t. You said you want to lose weight anyway.”
“I still couldn’t wear it. I wear a double-D bra. You have to be built like you to wear that dress.” Gracie looked up at her with tears in her eyes, with the same look that had melted her older sister’s heart since she was five.
“I’m only getting married once,” she said imploringly. “I want everything to be perfect for Harry. I want this to be my dream wedding. Everyone has pink and blue and pastel colors. No one ever even thinks of brown for the bridesmaids. It’ll be the most elegant wedding L.A. has ever seen.”
“With a maid of honor who looks like an elephant.”
“You’ll lose weight by then, I know it. You always do when you try.”
“That’s not the point. I’d have to have surgery to pull this one off.” And the tiny tucks of fabric all the way down the long-waisted bodice would only make it worse. Gracie was already planning to have the bridesmaids carry brown orchids to go with the dress. Nothing was going to dissuade her from it, and she placed the order while Victoria stood by wanting to cry. Her sister had just ensured that she would look like a monster at the wedding, while all her tiny anorexic friends would look stylish in the brown strapless gowns. There was no question that the dress was beautiful, but not on Victoria. She gave up trying to dissuade her, and sat silently while Gracie gave the saleswoman the sizes for most of the gowns. They were almost all size fours, except for three size twos. She was going to confirm the rest of the sizes when she got home. She had a look of elation on her face when they left the store. She was almost dancing she was so excited, and Victoria sat in silence in the cab all the way uptown. They stopped at the deli on the way back to the apartment, and without thinking, Victoria put three pints of Häagen-Dazs on the counter. Gracie didn’t even notice. She was used to Victoria buying ice cream. She had no idea that Victoria hadn’t had any in four months. This was like a recovering alcoholic sidling up to the bar and ordering a vodka on the rocks.
They went back to the apartment, and Gracie called their mother while Victoria unpacked the groceries, just as Harlan walked in. He took one look at the ice cream, pointed at it as though it were on fire, and stared at Victoria in horror and disbelief.
“What’s that?”
“She ordered strapless brown gowns for the bridesmaids that I can’t wear.”
“Then tell her you can’t wear it, and to order you something else,” he said, taking the ice cream from Victoria’s hand and dropping it in the trash. “Maybe the dress isn’t as bad as you think.”
“It’s gorgeous. Just not on me. I can’t even wear that color, let alone the shape.”
“Tell her,” he said firmly, sounding like her shrink.
“I did. She won’t listen to me. This is her dream wedding. She’s only planning to do it once, and it has to be perfect. For everyone but me.”
“She’s a nice kid. Explain it to her.”
“She’s a bride, on a mission. We must have looked at a hundred gowns today. This is going to be the event of the century.”
“It won’t help anything to blow the diet now,” he said, trying to encourage her. It had upset him to see her with the ice cream in her hand. She had been so good until then. And he didn’t want her to blow it now over a stupid gown.
Gracie was on the phone by then with all her friends, telling them about the fabulous dress she’d ordered for all of them, and Victoria had a sense of hopelessness as she sat down in the kitchen. She felt like an invisible person again. Gracie wasn’t hearing her. It was all about Gracie right now. It was hard to live with, and she was depressed about the dress. She didn’t know what to do about it. It was clear that Gracie wasn’t going to listen to her, no matter what.
They had dinner with John and Harlan in the kitchen that night, and Gracie told them all the details of the wedding. By the end of the meal, Victoria wanted to throw up.
“Maybe I’m just jealous,” she said to Harlan in a whisper after Gracie left the room to call Harry before she went to bed.
“I don’t think you are. It’s a little much. She’s like a kid out of control. Your father is creating a monster, letting her do whatever she wants with the wedding.”
“He thinks it makes him look important,” Victoria said, still looking depressed. It was the first time in her life that she hadn’t enjoyed Gracie’s company. So far, the weekend was a catastrophe.
And the next day wasn’t much better. Victoria went with her for her appointment with Vera Wang. They looked at a dozen wedding dress possibilities, and finally the designer offered to send her sketches based on what Gracie had said. She was thrilled.
It was afternoon by then, and they went to Serendipity for lunch. Gracie ordered a salad, and Victoria ordered the cheese ravioli, and a frozen mochaccino topped with whipped cream, and ate it all. Gracie saw nothing unusual in what her sister had ordered, because she was used to Victoria eating things like that. And blowing her diet depressed Victoria even more. By the time they got back to the apartment, she was exhausted, depressed, and felt as if she were about to explode. She hadn’t eaten anything like that in months, and Harlan could see the guilt on her face.
“What did you do today?”
“I met Vera Wang,” she said vaguely.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. What did you eat for lunch?”