“I wasn’t—” I stopped at his don’t-shit-me expression. “Okay, I might’ve been thinking about running.
But I didn’t actually throw on the shoes.”
“It is a start.”
“Thank you. And as a gesture of goodwill, let me offer you first crack at the shower now that Raoul and Cole are done.”
“I would, but I am afraid my old-fashioned sensibilities would be mortally wounded if I were to avail myself of the facilities before the lady.”
“What did you just say?”
“Go ahead. You are filthier.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Twenty minutes later I understood why dogs shook themselves after baths. Because it felt good to be clean! So good you wanted to just, bbbggghhh . I changed into a pair of hunter-green jeans and a velvety red scoop-neck top. Unfortunately my boots had given their all protecting my legular regions in my last battle. Which meant I had to resort to backup footwear—a pair of black cross-trainers, the laces of which Jack had chewed and partially digested before deciding he didn’t like them after all.
Cole and Raoul looked up from a somewhat heated discussion as I joined them in the living room. Since they’d commandeered the couch, I pulled a chair over to the side, where I could see out the sliding-glass doors to check on the dog every once in a while. I leaned back and crossed my legs in front of me.
Cole immediately began to laugh. “What happened to your shoes?” After observing my deformed, slightly shredded laces I decided to change the subject. “I’ll tell you if you explain that shirt.”
He looked down at his tee, which depicted a Neanderthal dragging his club across a rocky plain. In the distance a bunch of prehistoric emus were thumbing their wings at him. The caption read, i can’t wait for kfc.
He said, “It was all I had that was clean. Now you.”
Raoul said, “Jack got into your closet, didn’t he? Don’t they sell bones for dogs to chew on nowadays?
And toys?”
“I felt sorry for him because he’d just gotten back from the vet, okay? I figured letting him gnaw on my shoelaces was the least I could do. He seemed so… depressed.”
“I told you!” Cole exclaimed. “You never should’ve had him snipped!”
“It wasn’t the surgery!” I snapped. “He met this schnauzer named Eetza while he was in there and they kind of got attached. You know how it goes.”
“Ah. She broke his heart.”
“I don’t know. He just seemed to miss her. He kept going to the door and licking it. And now, with Astral’s head blowing off in his face, I’ll be lucky if I’m not barefoot by the time I get home.” I tucked my feet under my chair. “Okay, now I’m getting bummed. Can we please talk about something else?” Raoul and Cole exchanged secretive glances. I said, “Yeah, that. Whatever you were up to, I want in.”
“You don’t even know the details!” Cole protested.
“It’s gotta be shady enough that you don’t want to discuss it with me. But Raoul’s dealing, so it can’t be evil. And that’s exactly what I need right now. Come on, you probably need a third.”
“Only if Vayl’s okay with it,”
“Okay with what?” asked Vayl. Who looked, well, the word “edible” came to mind as he stood at the end of the hallway, drying his hair with a fluffy white towel as he moved his eyes from Cole to Raoul to me. Would it be rude to turn my chair completely around and just gawk? I mean, he was kind of inviting stares by coming in all clean and damp, wearing those ass-grabbing jeans and nothing else. I scratched at my knees and wished for x-ray vision.
“Okay with what?” Vayl repeated, a little louder and a lot more sternly.
Raoul sat up, his camo jacket (of which he seemed to have an endless supply) nearly snapping to attention as he straightened. “I’ve agreed to help Cole find and pet a kangaroo. They like to feed at night.
I don’t think it will be too difficult.”
Vayl made a noise. Eventually we decided it was laughter.
“You are going to get your face caved in,” he told Cole. “And because of that, one of us should probably go along to make sure Pete gets the full report on your demise. Since I have no desire to wander the countryside, I will stay with Bergman and guard Kyphas. If that is all right with you?” he asked me, his eyebrows raised.
I sighed, moving my nails up to my thighs. “I could use some exercise.” What I didn’t add was, since I can’t jump your bones, and I really wanna wail on Kyphas, and Bergman’s problem is driving me slightly batso.
He nodded. “So be it.”
Which was how Jack and I found ourselves trailing two men who’d totally flipped their lids: the former ranger who thought he’d been transported to Candyland if the enthusiasm in his bated whispers were any clue; and the doof who hadn’t learned his lesson after a bout of camel-tipping in Iran.
“It’s dark,” I whispered.
“It’s after eleven,” Cole whispered back.
“We don’t even have flashlights. How are we supposed to find kangaroos in the dark without flashlights?”
“You and I are both wearing Bergman’s night-vision lenses and Raoul can probably see better with his eyes closed. Besides, they’ll be by water. Or food. Or both. Didn’t you ever watch Kangaroo Jack ?”
“Yeah. But I saw Crocodile Dundee too. Don’t you think they’ll be worried about becoming a midnight snack if they loiter by the river at night?”
“We’re following a freaking Eldhayr! We’ll find them!” he hissed. “What is your problem?”
“You mean besides the possession, worrying about Bergman and Cassandra, and saving the space program so her vision won’t haul off and kick us in the ass?”
“Yeah!”
“My butt itches,” I admitted.
“Well, deal with it! I’m sure not going to watch!”
So I did, and thought about how low I’d sunk. Scratching my ass like a beer-swilling, pot-bellied La-Z-lounger as I slunk through the foothills west of Wirdilling. Although, once I’d relieved the worst of my irritation, I realized the hills looked pretty nifty given the shades of gold and burgundy my contacts added to them, like a bowl full of mint ice cream scoops topped by waves of sugar-coated cinnamon sticks.
Even without our Miles-vision we’d have had an easy walk. At least at first. The hills had been grazed so close they traveled like a putting green. Yeah, we encountered some rocks and a few dips and folds. But compared to some of the bush I’d hacked through, this was pudding. Of course, I knew a devastating fire had done most of the clearing for us several years before. And as we climbed, we began to see its remains in the charred trunks of the pine trees that had once dotted the landscape.
Jack whuffed. Not a bark, but definitely a pay attention noise that stopped us. We stood silent, peering into the night. Then Raoul raised an arm, pointing to a copse of grass trees. They stood about sixty paces from us, looking eerily like a group of fingers tipped with frothy green rings. Behind one thick-trunked specimen, standing absolutely still and staring right back at us, was a large kangaroo.
I kept watching. Yeah, now I could see more. Probably fifteen in this group, including four or five pouch-free joeys. Most of them were too busy eating to have noticed the small sound Jack had made.
Teen Me squealed. Sew kewl! I rolled my eyes. But I did have to agree. Because, holy crap, were they large !
When the first roo began to graze again, Raoul crept forward, motioning for us to follow. I moved my hand around toward my back. My jacket creaked and Raoul jerked his head toward me. Parallel reaction from Cole. I shrugged, dropping my hand, trying to ignore the growing prickles that felt like my rash had erected tents and dug a fire pit.