“You think?” I half hesitated, Heidi was gonna freak with another bail call from me.
“What, you can’t seriously enjoy being locked up, can you?”
“No, it’s just if I call her to post bail for me, again. This might be the safest place for me, locked up with armed guards to keep her away.”
“Deal with it. Look, you call her, give me her number, I’ll do a follow up. She the mother of a child, or one of your ex-wives, or anything like that?”
I shook my head no as I zipped up the orange Ramsey County jump suit and then held out my wrists so the deputy could handcuff me. “No, not an ex wife, I don’t have any children.”
“Like I say, unless you like being locked up, I mean it’s your choice. I’ll check in with you at the end of the day. I want to give old Doc Nguyen a call in the meantime.”
“Who?”
“Stands about this tall,” he held a fat hand about chest high. “Gorgeous, Asian, sexy, gave you the oral treatment yesterday and then something to suck on.”
The deputy kept his face expressionless, but his eyes moved from Louie to me, then back to Louie.
“Oh, yeah, Doctor Drop Dead Gorgeous.”
“Just checking to see if you were breathing. I’ll be in touch, take care,” he said.
“Thanks, Louie.”
He took a few steps, then turned at the doorway.
“And remember, not a word about anything to anyone, got it?”
“Yeah, got it.”
Chapter Thirty
Forty-eight hours later I was in the passenger seat of Louie’s car, a 2000 Dodge Neon, faded blue where it hadn’t already rusted. Our path was marked by a cloud of oily blue exhaust hanging in a toxic vapor behind us. Louie was back to wearing a wrinkled suit and smelling like bourbon. His car smelled like a wet dog. Or was that me?
“I still don’t understand how you got her to go for it. I told you when I called she swore at me then hung up.”
“Power of persuasion, that’s why I make the big bucks,” Louie said.
“No doubt,” I said, scattering crumpled fast food bags with my foot.
“Couple of ground rules, first, do not under any circumstances, go near or in any way contact Kiki Barkwell. Got it?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not kidding here, Dev. It’ll land you back in the slammer faster than a whore’s trick when the fleet comes in. And don’t try and be smart and phone her, or call and hang up, or get a flat tire in front of her house, or run into her at the grocery store, or follow…”
“Louie, relax, I get it. I mean, I am an investigator for God’s sake. I make my living watching people do stupid stuff, you know.”
“That must be why you have that ankle bracelet on.” He glanced over at me. “Look, they are not kidding, the cops. You need to phone whenever they buzz you on that thing, got it?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, then leered at a blonde as she pushed a baby stroller down the sidewalk, sporting head phones and plenty of bounce. God it was good to be out.
“I’m not kidding, Dev. I’ve had more than one client end up back in the slammer because whatever they were doing was too important to interrupt. The next thing you know cops got you locked up and once that happens, you ain’t getting back out, period.”
“Okay, I get it.”
Louie was ruining the moment with his advice.
“Next thing, GPS, it’s in that damn ankle bracelet so they can find you and track you. If you go near that chick’s house they’ll know and you’ll be a guest of the county for a lot longer than these past few days.”
“God, feels like a year since I’ve been out.” I said checking more of the scenery strutting past on Selby Avenue.
“Just keep in mind what I’ve said. And by the way, forget about getting that thing off and sneaking around. Lot better idiots than you or me for that matter, tried and it never works.”
“Look Louie, I appreciate the concern, but I’m not going anywhere near Kiki. Or, her weirdo brother, Farrell. Or, that bullshit craze, K-R-A-Z. Okay?”
“See that you don’t.”
“Believe me.”
“You might want to call your pal Heidi, just to keep her happy, we don’t need any problems on that front.”
“You know, I was thinking, it might be nice to thank her in person. Any problem with me going over there to her place?”
“Please tell me you’re not really that stupid,” Louie said, then shot a glance in my direction.
“You don’t think…”
“No. You don’t think, or at least, you’re not thinking right now. Just call and say thanks, tell her it’s a function of being monitored that you can only be on the phone for sixty seconds or something. But call, say thanks, then get off the line.”
“Okay, okay, I get it.”
He pulled up in front of my house, put the car in park, and turned toward me wedging himself between the steering wheel and the back of his seat. His suit seemed to be even more wrinkled than just a few minutes before.
“Look Dev, we’ve got half a chance here to beat this thing. What we don’t need is you sneaking around supposedly investigating. Let the cops do that. You just keep out of trouble, stay close to home, maybe read a book or something. Okay?”
I nodded, put my hand out to shake.
“Louie, can’t thank you enough, honest. I really appreciate all you’ve done for me. I promise, I won’t screw up.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” he said shaking my hand.
Chapter Thirty-One
It took about thirty minutes before I started losing whatever was left of my mind. At least laying on my couch was a lot more comfortable than that cot in my jail cell. I was really trying to follow Louie’s advice, let the cops take care of things. On the other hand, that’s exactly how I ended up wearing an ankle bracelet and out on bail to the tune of a half million bucks. I wanted to rush over and strangle Kiki, figuratively of course, sort of.
Instead I phoned Heidi to thank her.
“Hello.”
“Heidi, this is Dev.”
A very long dead space followed, eventually I said, “I wanted to phone and thank you for having faith in me and for posting my bail.”
More dead space.
“Look, I’m innocent. I didn’t commit any of the crimes I’m charged with.”
“You never do, do you? I mean, every time I post bail for you. Guess what? It’s never your fault, it’s always some other dumb ass.”
I suddenly liked the very long silence better.
“Look, I’m sorry you feel that way and it makes me appreciate what you did even more. I’m sorry you’re involved, I just didn’t know where else to turn. I felt like… Hello. Hello?”
She’d hung up.
I showered, shaved, went through my mail, tossed it all into recycling. I looked out the front window for anything of interest. I drifted back to my kitchen checked around for something to eat. All I found was half a pepperoni pizza from over a week ago. It seemed to be growing some additional spice so I tossed it into the trash. Then drifted back to the front window where I stared out at the passing traffic.
I had just wandered back into the kitchen when the doorbell rang.
I opened the front door and there stood Heidi. Eyes puffy from crying and a grocery bag in either hand.
“Heidi,” I’d never been happier to see someone.
“I don’t know if I should hug you or just strangle you. You fucking idiot.”
“Would you settle for giving me a spanking and then maybe I could…”
“Shut up and let me in,” she said, then pushed me aside and stormed back to the kitchen.
“Honest to God, Dev. You have got to knock this shit off, you…”
I followed her into the kitchen like a little puppy.
“Heidi.”
“Just let me finish, you absolute, complete and total, idiot.”
She placed the bags on my kitchen counter, then began to pull out a number of small, white, takeout containers along with three bottles of white wine.
“Oh, sorry, I’m not allowed to have a drink with this ankle bracelet, thingy. I guess they can tell if I consume alcohol, somehow. Anyway, I better not…”