I don’t know who she is!
How long do I stay in here? I have no idea. I’m holding myself to the side of the claw foot bathtub, my tears done, but my body shaking with arousal.
Hey, Kathryn… I hear that foreign part of my subconscious. It’s not so bad, darlin’. The man knows what he’s doing. He’ll make you feel so good.
Don’t listen to her, Kathryn. Remember who you are! A badass Domme who cracks a mean whip and knows how to edge a guy until he’s begging to come from your hand or mouth.
Give in, slut.
I get up and look at myself in the mirror. My makeup is still smudged, but otherwise I look like the woman who showed up a half hour ago.
How things change in a half hour.
To his credit, Ian hasn’t bothered me since telling me to go to the guest bathroom to clean up. He knows what he’s done. He knows why I’m in here screaming.
Which means I can’t forgive him.
I should leave. Without a word. Just grab my bag and leave, vowing to make his life hell for his betrayal.
Instead I slowly open the bathroom door, peering through the crack and looking for Ian. I don’t see him.
My bag is on the couch. I go there, calculating whether I should take a cab home or walk off my anger.
“Katie.”
His arms are around me, his mouth on my shoulder and his scent so overwhelming that for a moment I forget what he’s done. Then he squeezes my breast, his other hand moving toward my groin. I don’t want him feeling how turned on I am.
Too late.
“Stop.” I put my hands on his, and gradually, we stop rocking. “I need to go.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
I don’t say it with enough conviction. Somehow this man has worn me down to a whispering woman.
“Did I frighten you? I’m sorry.”
“See? You do know.”
“I had to put you in your place, Kathryn.” His hands roam up my body, stroking my nipple, massaging my neck. “You were looking at me like a Domme sucking off her sub. I am not your sub. You’re the sub tonight. Besides…” He feels my thigh, chuckling at how hot it is. Damn him. Damn him! “I know you were scared, but you weren’t scared of me. You were scared of liking it. That happens to a lot of women.”
He’s talking to me as if I don’t know. I’m not a treasure to be coddled. I’m not a wide-eye sub finally finding out why she likes having her ass tapped. I’m a grown woman who has been in the BDSM scene for years. I just don’t… do this…
I don’t submit. It was stupid to have come here.
“I won’t promise to go easier on you. That would defeat the purpose.” His grip on me relaxes, but I still don’t feel at ease. If anything, I want him to hold me tighter. Go ahead. Squeeze me to death and put me out of this internal-turmoil-misery.
He doesn’t.
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you feel, Katie.” Ian’s voice is so gentle that I almost fall for it. “You’re still a strong woman. It’s strong women who know and understand what they want. You came to me. If you leave now, you’ll never indulge in this side of yourself again. You’ll be too scared to, with me, with any Dom. I might make you uncomfortable sometimes. That’s good. Your boundaries are being pushed. But I promise to do it safely.” Ian cups his hand beneath my chin and turns my head around, his lips nearly on mine. “I won’t hurt you. I’m making love to you. I’m pleasuring you.”
I suck on my lip, holding in what can only be described as a pathetic mewl. God, I’m pathetic. Especially for this man.
“Nothing will be done to you that you don’t want. I’m learning about you and what you like as a sub. If I don’t think you’re getting off on something, I’ll stop unless you tell me otherwise. I want you to feel good, even if there’s pain. But…” He steps back, turns me around, hands clamped on my arms as he makes me look at him. Ian’s hazel eyes are practically wild. “You have to listen to me. If you don’t, it could get bad for you. I need you to trust me. If you trust me with your mind and body, then I’ll trust you to tell me when you need to stop.”
These words sound good. Comforting. The little part inside of me that wants to keep going clings to Ian, and I realize it’s not him that I’m afraid of…
It’s her.
The submissive side of me.
The side I’ve never indulged in because of fear.
I’ll never have a better chance to get to know her than now. Ian is patient. He knows how to be safe. Furthermore, he knows what he’s doing, and he’s already familiar with my body and its sexual responses. I couldn’t ask for a better chance.
Wait. I did. I did ask for this.
I kiss him, tentatively, letting my lips peck his until he wraps his arms back around me and pulls me in for a harder kiss. He’s not pushing me. He’s letting me take control for a few moments.
Can he sense it? The sub in me coming out? My desire to feel him in such an intimate way manifesting?
He tries to talk through our kisses, and I barely understand him. “You need a safe word,” he mumbles on my lips. “You’ll say stop and wait without thinking. Your safe word means you really need me to stop.”
I’m too busy kissing these lips to think of a safe word. “Pick one for me… sir.”
His hands caress my ass, my spine. “Pink. Like the color of these pretty lips.”
I can remember that.
“Tonight, Katie.” I’m wrapped up in his embrace, my nose grazing his stubble and inhaling that powerful cologne. I want him. I want him inside me, consuming me, helping me to get to know a side of myself I’ve never met before. “You’re going to be all mine tonight. I’ll go easy, but it will still be hard on you because you’re coming from a different world. Do you understand?”
“Yes… sir.”
“Good. Now when we go in there,” Ian gestures toward his bedroom, “I’m going to start Topping you again. I don’t mean to scare you. I’m listening to you, to your body. I want you to feel nothing but pleasure, but you have to let yourself feel that pleasure. I can’t do that for you.”
“I understand.”
“Come here.” He kisses me once more, his arms lowering and then lifting me.
Lifting me into his hold.
I’ve never had a man carry me before. I never thought Ian would be strong enough. I know he’s muscular. I know he’s stronger than he looks, but holy shit, he’s actually carrying me to his room, my arms looped around his neck as I try to hold myself together.
Ian Mathers is carrying me into his room. To dominate me.
Give in, slut. I wish she would shut up. I want to savor this moment as I am.
Chapter 26
KATHRYN
“You’re so soft and beautiful.” Ian has me on his bed, my arms propping myself up as he stands before me, pulling off my coat and devouring my body with his hungry eyes. “Everything about you is supple. Especially here.” He pokes one of my breasts, making me tremble. “You’re going to come undone for me, and I can’t wait.”
The coat falls down my arms, and I lift up each hand so he can pull it away and let it drop to the floor. Now he’s looming so far over me that everything is shadow.
Ian kisses my forehead, my cheek, my shoulder. Teeth nip my bra strap. He’s going slow, even though everything he does feels so… predatory. An alpha wolf in a crisp Barney’s shirt.
It shouldn’t make me so hot.