"Your voice – "
"It isn't real. If I sent thoughts to you, wouldn't I admit what I was doing? When you asked me, wouldn't I confirm the message? Why would I deny it?"
"I'm afraid."
"You're troubled by your father."
"What?"
"My graduate assistant says you identify me with your father."
She went ashen. "That's supposed to be a secret!"
"Sam, I asked him. He won't lie to me."
"If you remind me of my father, if I want to go to bed with you, then I must want to go to bed with – "
"Sam – "
" – my father! You must think I'm disgusting!"
"No, I think you're confused. You ought to find some help. You ought to see a – "
But she never let me finish. Weeping again, ashamed, hysterical, she bolted from the room.
And that's the last I ever saw of her. An hour later, when I started lecturing, she wasn't in class. A few days later, I received a drop-slip from the registrar, informing me she'd canceled all her classes.
I forgot her.
Summer came. Then fall arrived. November. On a rainy Tuesday night, my wife and I stayed up to watch the close results of the national election, worried for our presidential candidate.
At 3 a.m., the phone rang. No one calls that late unless…
The jangle of the phone made me bang my head as I reached for a beer in the fridge. I rubbed my throbbing skull and swung in alarm as Jean, my wife, came from the living room and squinted toward the kitchen phone.
"It might be just a friend," I said. "Election gossip."
But I worried about our parents. Maybe one of them was sick or…
I watched uneasily as Jean picked up the phone.
"Hello?" She listened apprehensively. Frowning, she put her hand across the mouthpiece. "It's for you. A woman."
"What?"
"She's young. She asked for Mr. Ingram."
"Damn, a student."
"At three a.m.?"
I almost didn't think to shut the fridge. Annoyed, I yanked the pop-tab off the can of beer. My marriage is successful. I'll admit we've had our troubles. So has every couple. But we've faced those troubles, and we're happy. Jean is thirty-five, attractive, smart, and patient. But her trust in me was clearly tested at that moment. A woman had to know me awfully well to call at 3 a.m.
"Let's find out." I grabbed the phone. To prove my innocence to Jean, I roughly said, "Yeah, what?"
"I heard you." The female voice was frail and plaintive, trembling.
"Who is this?" I asked angrily.
"It's me."
I heard a low-pitched crackle on the line.
"Who the hell is me? Just tell me what your name is."
"Sam."
My knees went weak. I slumped against the wall.
Jean stared. "What's wrong?" Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.
"Sam, it's three a.m. What's so damned important that you can't wait to call me during office hours?"
"Three? It can't be. No, it's one."
"It's three. For God's sake, Sam, I know what time it is."
"Please, don't get angry. On my radio, the news announcer said it was one o'clock."
"Where are you, Sam?"
"At Berkeley."
" California? Sam, the time zone difference. In the Midwest, it's two hours later. Here, it's three o'clock."
"… I guess I forgot."
"But that's absurd. Have you been drinking? Are you drunk?"
"No, not exactly."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Well, I took some pills. I'm not sure what they were."
"Oh, Jesus."
"Then I heard you. You were speaking to me."
"No. I told you your mind's playing tricks. The voice isn't real. You're imagining – "
"You called to me. You said you wanted me to go to bed with you. You wanted me to come to you."
"To Iowa? No. You've got to understand. Don't do it. I'm not sending thoughts to you."
"You're lying! Tell me why you're lying!"
"I don't want to go to bed with you. I'm glad you're in Berkeley. Stay there. Get some help. Lord, don't you realize? Those pills. They make you hear my voice. They make you hallucinate."
"I… "
"Trust me, Sam. Believe me. I'm not sending thoughts to you. I didn't even know you'd gone to Berkeley. You're two thousand miles away from me. What you're suggesting is impossible."
She didn't answer. All I heard was low-pitched static.
"Sam – "
The dial tone abruptly droned. My stomach sank. Appalled, I kept the phone against my ear. I swallowed dryly, shaking as I set the phone back on its cradle.
Jean glared. "Who was that? She wasn't any 'Sam'. She wants to go to bed with you? At three a.m.? What games have you been playing?"
"None." I gulped my beer, but my throat stayed dry. "You'd better sit down. I'll get a beer for you."
Jean clutched her stomach.
"It's not what you think. I promise I'm not screwing anybody. But it's bad. I'm scared."
I handed Jean a beer.
"I don't know why it happened. But last spring, at eight a.m., I went to school and…"
Jean listened, troubled. Afterward, she asked for Sam's description, somewhat mollified to learn that she was plain and pitiful.
"The truth?" Jean asked.
"I promise you."
Jean studied me. "You did nothing to encourage her?"
"I guarantee it. I wasn't aware of her until I found her waiting for me."
"But unconsciously?"
"Sam asked me that as well. I was only lecturing the best way I know how."
Jean kept her eyes on me. She nodded, glancing toward her beer. "Then she's disturbed. There's nothing you can do for her. I'm glad she moved to Berkeley. In your place, I'd have been afraid."
"I am afraid. She spooks me."
At a dinner party the next Saturday, I told our host and hostess what had happened, motivated more than just by the need to share my fear with someone else, for while the host was both a friend and colleague, he was married to a clinical psychologist. I needed professional advice.
Diane, the hostess, listened with slim interest until halfway through my story, when she suddenly sat straight and peered at me.
I faltered. "What's the matter?"
"Don't stop. What else?"
I frowned and finished, waiting for Diane's reaction. Instead she poured more wine. She offered more lasagna.
"Something bothered you."
She tucked her long black hair behind her ears. "It could be nothing."
"I need to know."
Diane nodded grimly. "I can't make a diagnosis merely on the basis of your story. I'd be irresponsible."
"But hypothetically…"
"And only hypothetically. She hears your voice. That's symptomatic of a severe disturbance. Paranoia, for example. Schizophrenia. The man who shot John Lennon heard a voice. And so did Manson. So did Son of Sam."
"My God," Jean said. "Her name. Sam." Jean set her fork down loudly.
"The parallel occurred to me," Diane said. "Chuck, if she identifies you with her father, she might be dangerous to Jean and to the children."
"Why?"
"Jealousy. To hurt the equivalent of her mother and her rival sisters."
I felt sick. The wine turned sour in my stomach.
"There's another possibility. No more encouraging. If you continue to reject her, she could be dangerous to you. Instead of dealing with her father, she might redirect her rage and jealousy toward you. By killing you, she'd be venting her frustration toward her father."