Without warning, he morphed into a human man once more and lay there studying her, lips forming a smile. But the sadness had returned to his eyes, making his expression appear wistful.
“No one has ever done that before,” he said quietly.
“Done what?”
“Asked me to change into my panther. Embraced him. Accepted me.” He looked away. “Nobody has ever cared. My parents thought I was a freak when I was a kid and they learned I could do magic, but when they found out I’d learned to use my power to shift into a panther? They threw me out on my ass. I was fourteen.”
Her heart clenched, aching for the lonely, hurt boy who’d grown into a lonely man. “I care. And you’re not a freak.”
“You’re a special woman, Mackenzie. Most people aren’t accepting, don’t have a good soul like you.”
The nightmare intruded again, the horrible stranger’s accusation, and she found herself asking, “What about your soul? I believe it’s good and kind.”
He fell silent for so long, she thought he didn’t want to talk anymore. Then his voice drifted in the darkness.
“I’ll tell you a secret.” He paused. “I don’t like to be touched. Or I didn’t before tonight.”
She stilled. “Before me?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you?” Please, dear Lord, don’t let it be what I’m thinking.
“I don’t have a good soul, honey. I sold myself to survive, to anyone who wanted me,” he whispered. “I had no job skills, wasn’t legal to work even if I had any, and I had to eat. So I did the only thing I knew how, and I did it well.”
So it was what she’d been thinking. No, worse. The self-loathing in his voice scared her more than anything. Because a powerful enemy, like the man in her nightmare, could take that hatred and twist Kalen into his own image. Into a man who would do evil things.
She gripped his hand. “You were just a kid. You were tossed from your home as a minor, a crime in any state. You got caught in the same trap as any number of homeless teens, and didn’t know where to turn. Who to trust. Your parents should’ve been thrown in jail. Give yourself a break.”
“Really? Well, this Boy Scout fucked you without a condom,” he said harshly. “Still think I’m good?”
Shit. The baldly stated fact hit her hard, scared her a little, but she squared her shoulders. “I’m a doctor and I let you. That doesn’t exactly make me a Girl Scout.”
“What if I’m not clean?”
“You are. I refuse to believe the man who made such sweet love to me would knowingly endanger my health. Besides, from our studies at the Institute, we’ve learned that shifters can’t pass or catch human diseases, and the males can’t impregnate those who aren’t their Bondmates.”
“You’re gorgeous when you’re fierce.” Reaching out, he toyed with a curly lock of her hair.
“I’m being serious.”
“So am I.” He sighed, dropping his hand. “Mackenzie, you might know about the physiology of the wolves, but you know nothing about me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Honey, I’m not like the others in the Pack,” he explained patiently. “I wasn’t turned like they were. I’m a Sorcerer first, and I learned to use that power to shift into my panther. I’m totally different from them.”
She stared at him in comprehension. “You’re right,” she breathed. “I should’ve realized that.”
“For what it’s worth, though, I am clean. I get tested every six months.”
“And I’m on the pill.”
That one seemed to startle him for a moment, but he recovered and nodded. “That’s good.”
“Now what?”
He stared at her, regret etched on his face. Oh, no. Here it comes.
He did his best to let her down easy. “Mackenzie, I’ve been alone forever, it seems. I don’t know what a relationship is, at least not a healthy one. I’m bankrupt here,” he said, placing a fist over his heart. “I’ve got nothing to offer anyone. Not right now. Maybe not ever.”
It hurt. More than it should, considering the short time she’d known him. In fact, the very real agony of his rejection took her totally by surprise. This was why coworkers should never sleep together. How in the hell was she supposed to face him after this, on a daily basis?
“I think you’re wrong.”
“Maybe. But I don’t know where this can go, this attraction between us.”
“You didn’t have problem figuring that out a few minutes ago,” she snapped. His expression shut down and she immediately regretted her words. She’d carelessly struck at the part of himself that he loathed the most, and she couldn’t take it back.
He nodded. “I deserved that. Let’s just leave it be for a while.”
Like for the next century or so, she heard in his voice.
“All right.”
No one has ever done that before. Asked me to change into my panther. Embraced him. Accepted me.
And she’d ruined everything by pushing him too hard, too fast. This lonely man who didn’t have a clue how to love, or accept love in return.
Miserable, she curled on her side, facing away from him. This time, he didn’t hold her in his arms, comfort her like before. And her pride wouldn’t allow her to beg.
When the cold light of dawn broke through the curtains, Mackenzie hadn’t slept at all.
A banging noise had Kalen bolting upright in bed, scanning for the source. He didn’t have long to wonder who was on the other side.
“Kalen? Mac?” Nick called. “Open up!”
“Jesus,” he muttered. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he yelled back. “Just a minute!”
Mackenzie was already up, and came out of the bathroom dressed in her jeans and his T-shirt. They carefully avoided eye contact as Kalen pulled on his jeans, boots, and his duster. Christ, how had things fallen apart so fast? They’d made beautiful love, the likes of which Kalen had never hoped to experience in his lifetime. Normally, he hated physical contact—especially sex—but with Mackenzie, holding her close, being inside her . . .
God, it had been heaven. So different from having sex just to survive. And yeah, he’d been scared afterward, but what guy wouldn’t be who’d walked in his shoes?
He was a complete novice when it came to relationships and he was only trying to be honest, not give her the total brush-off. But obviously she hadn’t taken his words at face value—that he needed time.
And she’d given up without a fight, or even a single word of protest.
So maybe it was better this way. He didn’t deserve someone as fine as Mackenzie anyhow.
Stalking to the door, he yanked it open to find Nick, Jax, Zan, and Ryon on the other side. The first two were scowling and the other two just looked tired.
“Tell me what the fuck happened,” Nick growled. “We’ve been looking for you two all goddamned night long.”
Jax leaned against the doorjamb. “We about had heart failure when we tracked the SUV to the Grizzly, only to find the tire slashed and the back panel clawed to hell, drops of blood on the ground, and Mac’s car nowhere to be found.”
“We were attacked,” Kalen said, exhaustion hitting him hard. “Coming out of the Grizzly, by one of those things like you had in Block T before it died. I killed it, and disposed of the body. We tried to call on our way back, but the cell phone service was out.”
“It was out on our end too, but that doesn’t explain why you didn’t just come home,” Nick said, still pissy. Now he glanced between Kalen and Mackenzie, as the obvious suspicion dawned on his face.
“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Kalen defended. “We were heading back when I sensed that there was another one, or something equally as bad, between us and the compound. Like it was waiting for us. So we turned around and headed for the motel, and I placed wards around the room so it couldn’t locate us.”