Just as turned, Cal came up. "Hey, Mary K." he said. Then he ducked his head and spoke only to me. "Is it okay if I come over this afternoon?" There was an unspoken message—we had tons to talk about—and I nodded at once.
"I'll meet you there."
He touched my cheek briefly, smiled at Mary K., then walked beside us to his own car. My sister raised an eyebrow at me, and I shot her a glance.
Once we were in Das Boot and I was cranking the engine, Mary K. said, "So, have you done it yet?" I almost punched the gas, which would have slammed us right into a tree.
"Good God, Mary K.!" I cried, staring at her.
She giggled, then tried to look defiant. "Well? You've been going out a month, and he's gorgeous, and you can tell he's not a virgin. You're my sister. If I don't ask you, who can I ask?"
"Ask about what?" I said irritably, backing out.
"About sex," she said.
I rested my head for a second against the steering wheel. "Mary K., this may surprise you, but you're only fourteen years old. You're a high school freshman. Don't you think you're too young to worry about this?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished I could take them back, I sounded just like my mom. I wasn't surprised when my sister's face closed.
"I'm sorry," I said. "You just… took me by surprise. Give me a second." I tried to think quickly and drive at the same I time. "Sex." I blew out my breath. "No, I haven't done it yet." Mary K. looked surprised.
I sighed. "Yes, Cal wants to. And I want to. But it hasn't seemed exactly right yet. I mean, I love Cal. He makes me feel unbelievable. And he's totally sexy and all that," My cheeks heated. "But still, it's only been a month, and there a lot of other stuff going on, and it just… hasn't seemed right." I frowned at her pointedly. "And I think it's really important to wait until it is exactly right, and you're totally comfortable and sure and crazy in love. Otherwise it's no good." Said the incredibly experienced Morgan Rowlands.
Mary K. looked at me. "What if the other person is sure and you just want to trust them?"
Note to self: Do a castration spell on Bakker Blackburn. I breathed in, turned onto our street, and saw Cal in back of us. I pulled into our driveway and turned off the engine but stayed in the car. Cal parked and walked up to the house, waiting for us on the porch.
"I think you know enough to be sure for yourself," I said quietly. "You're not an idiot. You know how you feel. Some people date for years before they're both ready to have sex." Where was I getting this stuff? Years of reading teen magazines?
"The important thing," I went on, "is that you make your own decisions and don't give in to pressure. I told Cal I wasn't ready, and he was majorly disappointed." I lowered my voice as if he could hear us from twenty feet away, outside the car. "I mean, majorly. But he accepted my decision and is waiting until I'm ready." Mary K. looked at her lap.
"However, if for some reason you think it might happen, for God's sake use nine kinds of birth control and check out his health and be careful and don't get hurt. Okay?"
My sister blushed and nodded. On the porch I saw Cal shifting his feet in the cold. "Do you want me to send Cal home so we can talk some more?" Please say no.
"No, that's okay," said Mary K. "I think I get it."
"Okay. I'm always here. I mean, if you can't ask your sister, who can you ask?"
She grinned, and we hugged each other. Then we hurried inside. Twenty minutes later Mary K. was doing her homework upstairs and Cal and I were drinking hot tea in the kitchen. And I hoped my sister had taken my words to heart.
CHAPTER 7
Self
July 2000
The council called me to London upon my return from the North. I spent three days answering questions about everything from the causes of the Clan war to the medicinal properties of mugwort. I wrote essays analyzing past decisions of the elders. I performed spells and rituals.
And then they turned me down. Not because my power is weak or my knowledge scanty, nor yet because I an too young, but because they distrust my motives. They think I am after vengeance for Linden, for my parents.
But that's not it, not anymore. I spoke to Athar about it last night. She's the only one who truly understands, I think.
"You aren't after vengeance. You're after redemption," she told me, and her black eyes measured me. "But, Giomanach, I'm not sure which is the more dangerous quest."
She's a deep one, my cousin Athar. I don't know when she grew to be so wise.
I won't give up. I will write to the council again today. I'll make them understand.
— Giomanach
Our kitchen was about one-sixth the size of Cal's kitchen, and instead of granite counters and custom country French cabinets, we had worn Formica and cabinets from about 1983. But our kitchen felt homier.
I rested my legs over Cal's knees under the table and we leaned toward each other, talking. The idea that maybe someday we would have our very own house, just us two, made me shiver. I looked up at Cal's smooth tan skin, his perfect nose, his strong eyebrows, and sighed. We needed to talk about Hunter.
"I'm really shaken up," I said quietly.
"I know. I am, too. I never thought it would come to that." He gave a dry laugh. "Actually, I thought we would just beat each other up a bit, and the whole thing would blow over. But when Hunter pulled out the braigh—"
"The silver chain he was using?"
Cal shuddered. "Yes," he said, his voice rough. "It was spelled. Once it was on me, I was powerless."
"Cal, I just can't believe what happened," I said, my eyes filling with tears. I brushed them away with one hand. "I can't think about anything else. And why hasn't anyone found the body yet? What are we going to do when they do find it? I swear, every time the phone rings, I think it's going to be the police, asking me to come down to the station and answer some questions." A tear overflowed and ran down my cheek. "I just can't get over this."
"I'm so sorry." Cal pushed his chair closer to mine and put his arms around me. "I wish we were at my house," he said quietly. "I just want to hold you without worrying about your folks coming in."
I nodded, sniffling. "What are we going to do?"
"There's nothing we can do, Morgan," Cal said, kissing my temple. "It was horrible, and I've cursed myself a thousand times for involving you in it. But it happened, and we can't take it back. And never forget that we acted in self defense. Hunter was trying to kill me. You were trying to protect me. What else could we have done?"
I shook my head.
"I've never been through anything like this before," Cal said softly against my hair. "It's the worst thing in my life. But you know what? I'm glad I'm going through it with you. I mean, I'm sorry you were involved. I wish to the Goddess that you weren't. But since we were in it together, I'm so glad I have you." He shook his head. "This isn't making sense. I'm just trying to say that in an awful way, this has made me feel closer to you."
I looked up into his eyes. "Yeah, I know what you mean."
We stayed like that, sitting at the table, our arms around each other, until my shoulder blades began to ache from the angle and I reluctantly pulled away. I had to change the subject.
"Your mom seemed really excited about my tools," I said, taking a sip of my tea.
Cal pushed his hands through his raggedy dark hair. "Yeah. She's like a little kid—she wants to get her hands on every new thing. Especially something like Belwicket's tools."
"Is there something special about Belwicket in particular?"