She squeezes her eyes shut tight and more tears escape. My heart aches, a sickening feeling lurching from deep in my gut. I reach out and run the pad of my thumb down her cheek, erasing a stream. She leans into my hand, her lips parting slightly, before shoving me away. We both stand there silently, my hands open at my sides and her eyes still shut off from the world. When she opens them, my stomach sinks further.
Ice.
“There is no you and me. There never was.”
The words slam hard against my chest and my lungs ache for air that won’t come. Reality is the lump in my throat, the jagged pill that I can’t swallow. She doesn’t want me, there is no me and her.
There is no us.
Suddenly, I feel hands come down hard on my shoulders. “Hey, man, I think you need to go back inside,” Adam says, pulling me toward the doors. I shrug him off forcefully and turn to meet his eyes.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
He puffs up his chest, meeting mine as our eyes level out. “You don’t want to do this, Kip. Don’t lose your head right now.”
“Fuck you.” I shove him hard and he stumbles back as Skyler lets out a cry.
“Stop! Kip please, stop!”
Adam quickly recovers and shoves me back before Kade and a few of the older brothers step between us, pushing us apart. They hold tight to my arms while Adam holds up his hands, letting them know he’s cool. He turns to Skyler and holds out his arm. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
I try to rush toward him again but my brothers hold me still, my force met with stiff resistance. Skyler’s eyes meet mine one last time and I try to reach her, try to use my own eyes to tell her not to do this, to beg her not to do this. Softly, she just barely whispers a “sorry” before turning away. Her eyes flutter closed and she brings her hand to cover her trembling lips as Adam shelters her under his arm and leads her to a waiting cab.
When they disappear inside, my brothers release me and Kade gently places his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, man. Chicks are fucking crazy. You can’t trust them.”
I shrug him off and before I can stop myself, I bolt. I run down the carpool lane, out past the gate, down the road and over the bridge that leads to the beach. My legs burn, my lungs ache for air, my eyes strain against the tears I won’t let fall. Each step takes me farther and farther from the dream, from Skyler and everything I thought could be. The pain radiating in my muscles, the ragged breaths racking my body remind me of the cold hard truth. Slowly, I feel the mirage lift and it’s there that I find my resolve, my unyielding reminder of why I’m here and what I need to do.
It’s over. We’re over. I didn’t want it to happen this way, but in reality, it had to. It’s better this way. My focus centers and I feel a small smile tug at the corner of my lip as I reach the beach, collapsing to my knees in the sand. A laugh starts low in my stomach and rumbles up through my throat, bouncing off the waves in a sinister echo. I throw my hands up into the air and let it consume me. My sides hurt even more, the pain of running mixed with this laugh that seems to be setting me free.
Finally, I fall silent, my breaths calming with the ocean. In and out. In and out. Skyler has never been just a mission for me. She’s always been more. From the moment I met her, there was a constant pull – a spell that bound me to her, regardless of my father and his plan. But now, that gravity has been obliterated. I’m free-floating – a little scarred, but still holding on to the pieces. And now, I feel my resolve making its way back to the surface. I’ve never felt more determined to do what I came here to do. This was my wake up call, my reality check, my dream reminding me what’s important and what’s not.
She’s got her hand, and I’ve got mine. She played me like a blank, a card with no value to her. She didn’t need me, but she acted like she did – raising the pot, setting the stakes high – she fooled the entire table. Even I fell for the trick, thinking I was part of her hand, thinking I was the Ace on the river.
Well, I refuse to be anyone’s blank.
I’ve got a few Aces up my sleeve, too, and they’re ready to play.
Game on, Skyler Thorne.
One day.
I promised myself one day to get my shit together. One day to erase the feelings I had for Skyler. One day to review her file and get my head back on track. One day to work off my aggression and find my focus. One day.
And time is up.
It’s Sunday and one of those weird days in Florida. The rest of the country is either buried in snow or just barely hanging out above fifty degrees. Meanwhile, South Florida is sunny and seventy-six. Not that I would know, really. My phone says it’s a beautiful day, but I’ve yet to move from the couch. I thought I would spend yesterday getting my swag back, but instead I spent most of the day watching old sitcoms and writing scripts that will never make it anywhere – mostly because they all involve some strikingly beautiful girl who ends up being an evil bitch. The end.
Not exactly the best television content.
And I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve been cuddling with Sparky, although I probably should be.
Fucking pansy.
How was I supposed to know the kind of drug I was getting into? It seemed so innocent, something that would give me a little high but that I could drop easily. Fuck was I wrong about that last part. The high was incredible, but after Friday I was speeding fast toward the ground, bracing myself for the impact that won’t fully come. The withdrawals are too much, my body is shaken. My mind is fucked.
Skyler Thorne is one hell of a drug.
At least now I’m holding her file in my hand, browsing through her tournament history and articles about her background. I run my thumb across a photo of Skyler with her parents, the article detailing how instrumental they’ve been to her success. I think of the way they taught her to play and imagine how I could have met them one day, maybe played a game after Thanksgiving dinner or something.
God, how fucking stupid can I be?
Even if this wouldn’t have happened, if Friday hadn’t happened, it all still would have ended. Crash and burn. The moment she found out I was entering the tournament, it would have been over.
Yet still, I can’t find it in me to let it go just yet.
I fish my phone from my sweatpants pocket and dial Dad, pushing the speaker button as I lay it on my chest and continue sifting through the file.
“Hello?” Dad answers groggily.
I check the time on the oven clock. It’s just past ten there, no way he’s still sleeping.
“Dad? Did I wake you?” He’s always up before the sun. In fact, by the time I woke up for school in high school he had already been up, completed his run for the day, and showered.
Dad coughs a little and I hear him adjusting, the phone making strange muffled noises as he shifts. “I was just resting a bit, things have been busy around here. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I was hoping we could talk about Skyler. I need some help.”
“Help? With what?” He clears his throat, interested now that he knows the topic of the call. I can’t help but wonder if he would have given a different reaction had I said I wanted to read him the script I wrote for class.
“We got into a fight. Don’t worry,” I immediately assure him as he frustratingly sighs on the other end. “I’ve got it under control. I think it will be better this way, actually. We’re going to go back to just being friends, which I think will be better. No more photos in magazines or anything.”
“So she’s still talking to you?”
I shift uncomfortably. “Not yet, but she will. Just trust me, I’ve got it under control. I’m going to get her to some more tournaments, try to help her focus on May. But I need your help. Last time I watched her play, I was distracted. I couldn’t really focus on what I needed to be looking for. What should I keep my eyes open for?”