Ashlei sighs and sits at the foot of the bed by Cassie, folding her hands in her lap. “It’ll get better, Sky. Just give it some time. I’ve learned there’s nothing time and alcohol can’t fix.”
“Well, we seem to be missing one ingredient in that recipe,” I point out.
Jess hops off the bed and scurries down the hall before returning with a bottle of wine. “Have no fear – J-Love is here.”
“How the hell did you get that in here?” Cassie asks, grabbing the bottle and opener from Jess’s hands. She opens it quickly and takes a sip before passing it to me.
“It’s not rocket science, Little Miss Innocent. You just shove it in your book bag. It’s not like Mom Cindy is checking anything around here.”
Mom Cindy is our sweet, but not completely there house mom. She channels her inner hippie from 1974 when shopping for clothes and has a “natural remedy” for just about anything. Although, her hangover tea is pretty amazing. “Little Nug is just too well-behaved for her own good,” I say, lifting the bottle to my lips. It’s a sweet, light pink, fruity wine and not really my taste, but it’ll do.
She crosses her arms defensively. “Whatever. I just know the rules and don’t like to take the chance of getting kicked out of the sorority.”
“Yeah yeah, Goodie Two Shoes.” Jess snatches the bottle from me and tilts it toward my Little, toasting. “Here’s to taking a walk on the wild side.” She takes a big drink and we all laugh.
My phone buzzing makes me stop short, my heart in my throat. Every time it goes off I can’t help but hope Kip’s name pops up on the screen, but it never does. I glance at it hopefully again, but feel the same disappointment wash over me.
“Adam again?” Ashlei asks, nodding toward my phone as Jess hands her the wine bottle. I nod, placing it face-down on the bed again.
“He’s been pretty persistent since Friday,” Jess notes.
“Yeah, well,” I say, leaning back against the sea of pillows on Erin’s bed. “He’s the only Alpha Sigma brother talking to me right now, so there’s that.” Adam has texted me every day since the dance and we talked for a while on Sunday at the beach, but he hasn’t brought up what was said Friday night and I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t feel that way toward me anymore or because he’s waiting for me. Either way, I’m grateful for the temporary escape.
I notice my Little is quiet now, sipping from the bottle when it’s passed her way but keeping her eyes down otherwise. I can’t help but wonder if she’s upset that Kade hasn’t talked to her since the dance. It’s my fault and we both know it, but neither of us bring it up.
“Are you going to hang out with him?” Ashlei asks.
I sigh. “I don’t know. I guess I probably should after the shit I said Friday night but it was all a lie, so everything’s just going to get messy if I see him. I doubt he still has feelings for me but if he does, then it’s not like we can just hang out as friends like we have been.”
“So you don’t like him that way anymore?”
“No, not even a little bit.” I shake my head, taking a long slug from the bottle. It’s already half empty at this point and I feel the buzz setting in.
“You need to be honest with him then,” my Little says, finally looking up from the bed. “You can’t lead him on, too.”
I frown. “I’m not leading him on, Little. But I can’t just tell him that was all a lie. He’d tell Kip and then there’d be an even bigger mess than there is now. I just have to play this stupid game a little longer. Maybe hang out with Adam a few times and then tell him it’s just not working out or something.”
Her lips purse together. “I don’t think that’s fair to Adam. He doesn’t know about this sick game and he shouldn’t have to be involved like that.”
I can’t help but feel the sting from her words paired with the glare she’s giving me right now. “Little, I’m not trying to hurt anyone. Adam will be fine, we’re friends and we have been since the first time we broke up. He will probably feel the same and it’ll be mutual just like before.”
She rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Keep digging yourself deeper and deeper into your shitty hole, Big.” Cassie takes one last chug from the bottle and jumps off the bed, storming out the door and down the hallway.
“What the hell was that about?” Jess asks. I stare at the door thinking the same thing as her words settle around me. I know she’s right about me digging a hole too deep to get out of. My mouth is the shovel and apparently it doesn’t know when to say stop. I feel the light disappearing, the dirt rising higher and higher all around me, threatening to close me in completely.
I clutch my chest, suddenly feeling short of breath. Jess turns back to me and her eyes grow wide. “Shit, Sky, are you okay?” She rushes over to me and grabs my shoulders in her hands.
“I’m fine,” I say, holding up one hand as I use the other to hold my forehead. I’m falling apart and I absolutely hate it. I need to pull it together, but I don’t know how. “I’m going to turn in for the night. I have class early and Bear is meeting me for breakfast beforehand.”
Jess and Ashlei look at each other and frown before turning back to me. “Okay, girl,” Jess says, letting my shoulders free. “You know we’re here if you need us, right?”
I nod, standing and walking toward the door. “I know. I love you girls.”
“And we love you too, Poker Star,” Ashlei says. I smile but don’t even bother turning around to let them see it as I walk through the door and down the hall to my room. Climbing into my bed, I pull the covers up over my head and inhale deeply. I will my mind to be quiet, to let me sleep, but it races with thoughts of Kip and Erin. Flashes of her laughing and him holding her hit me hard and I squeeze my eyes closed tighter. I imagine his lips that felt so perfect on mine touching hers instead and I groan, rolling over and pulling the covers up more.
Trying to focus, I draw in a breath and push it out completely, letting the hot air fill the space under the blanket. Slowly, my thoughts drift to me and Kip on the beach, the sun warm on our skin as we walk the edge of the water. I think of his eyes, his smile, his hands. I feel him pull me closer, his body flush against mine as he bites his bottom lip. I inhale sharply, wetness pooling between my legs as I remember the way it felt to have his fingers inside me, the way it felt to come apart at the touch of his tongue. I remember the way he felt in my hands, the perfect, husky groans he made when I stroked him. My hand drifts down below the hem of my sweatpants and I image it’s his again, letting my fingers graze the lace of my panties. A moan escapes my lips and my eyes fly open, panic setting in as I realize what I’m doing. Quickly, I remove my hand and throw the covers off, letting the cool air attack my sensitive skin.
Shit.
It’s going to be a long night.
“Gah!” I huff, my arms crossed tight as Clinton and I enter the cafeteria. “How is it that it was seventy-six degrees yesterday and then this morning it’s forty-eight?! I can’t handle this.” I rub my hands together and bounce a little as we find the end of the line. The smell of fresh coffee and bacon mix together in a magical combination that makes my mouth water. I haven’t eaten very well in the past few days and I doubt this morning will be any different, but at least I have an appetite.
“Psh, Floridian.” Clinton laughs, tucking his hands in his coat pockets. He towers over every other person in line and I glare up at him before sticking out my tongue. “You wouldn’t last ten minutes in a Pennsylvania winter.”
This time of year in Florida is always so strange. Random cold fronts still sweep through from time to time while spring tries desperately to push through. Half my sorority sisters are getting sick from the constant back and forth. But, honestly, as much as I hate the cold, I do enjoy the break from the insane humidity that always lingers in this state. Anything that makes a nice hair day easy to come by makes me happy.