“Let’s just drop it, okay Kip?” I plead, hoping he’ll head my words and just let it go. “Let’s just talk about the tournament and then we can both go to sleep and clear our heads.”
“No. Fuck that.” He spits the words out violently, shaking his head. He takes a few steps toward me and I back into the wall. “I don’t know what fucking game you’re playing but I’m calling it tonight. Why do you care about me and Erin?”
“Kip, please,” I beg, my lip quivering against my will. I bite both lips between my teeth and look up to the ceiling like I’ll find refuge there, but nothing comes.
He moves closer and my breaths quicken along with my heartbeat. “You broke me that night, Skyler.” He taps his fist on his chest lightly, his eyes intensifying. “Everything I felt between us, everything I know is here, you told me it didn’t exist. And you know what? I knew it was bullshit. I knew it. The words were coming from your lips and it was your eyes I was looking into as each one slammed into me, but it wasn’t you I was hearing. So, now’s your chance to tell me – why do you care?”
I shake my head, tears blurring my vision but I keep my eyes wide, refusing to let them fall. Kip takes another step, his chest just inches from mine now. “Was it Erin?” He waits for me to respond but I just breathe. In and out. Inhale and exhale. One lone tear breaks free and slides down my cheek, burning a scar in its wake. It might be an invisible scar, but I’ll feel this tear forever. And that’s the thing about scars. They’re like skid marks on the highway. No one slows down enough to see the painful proof that something happened. But the road? The road will always remember. The road can’t forget, no matter how many times it’s repaved.
“Was it?” Kip asks again, his breath sweet as it escapes his lips. “Or was it that you were starting to feel something, too? I know you, Skyler. I know who you pretend to be in front of all these people.” He gestures with his hand toward the school. “And I know who you really are. I know the you who doesn’t fit in because you were never meant to. You were born to stand out. You want to pretend like you’re untouchable and nothing can faze you with those people? Play around with a few frat boys, dress up in frilly dresses and keep your reputation? Fine.” His breaths are coming even harder now. “But don’t sit here and feed me that bullshit. I see you, Skyler. I. See. You.” Kip’s hands find my arms and he slides them up over my shoulders and grabs my face gently, keeping my eyes on his as the tears continue to spill over, falling down the same path as the first, deepening the scar. “Why do you care?”
“I,” the word leaves my mouth quietly, just above a whisper. “I don’t.”
“Liar.”
I lick my bottom lip and look up again, desperately trying to hold it together. My entire body is shaking as my eyes find his again.
“I don’t want to.”
Kip shakes his head. “But you do. This is a no-limit game, Skyler. Neither of us went into it thinking we would be here but now we’ve got everything on the table because we’re both too stubborn to give in. I raise, you call. You raise, I call. Back and forth, always in this fucking game. You want to win? Fine, take it. Take everything I have but I’m not the one who’s going to walk away the real loser. If you don’t wake up and realize what you’re feeling – what we’re feeling – is real, then it’s you I feel sorry for. It’s you who loses.”
He spins quickly, throwing his hands up and letting them rest on his head as he faces the door. I close my eyes and wipe at the tear stains, holding back the sob threatening to escape. He’s right. We are in a game. If he knew everything I’ve done to play this hand, he would hate me. Which is why I can’t tell him.
But I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t pretend I don’t want him.
“I care,” I say quietly, weakly, sniffling a little. “I’ve cared about you for so long. I care that I hurt you, I care that even though I did, you still stick around, and yes.” I stand up straight, pulling my back from the wall. “I care that Erin was here. That she was in your bed. Because I don’t want anyone else in your bed but me. I don’t want anyone else in your arms but me. I want to be the only girl in your head when you wake up and I…” My face contorts, the emotions too real. “I was petrified, okay? I thought if I told you I wanted Adam, you would leave me alone. I thought you’d be pissed off and you’d be out of my life completely and I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling this. And on the beach? I actually wanted you to be with Erin. It made sense. I figured that was your plan all along.” He scoffs at that and I shake my head. “No, I’m serious. It makes sense. Compared to her, I’m nothing, and I was happy for you. At least, that’s what I told myself. But I don’t know what to do, Kip, because I do care about you. But I can’t.”
“Why?” He turns to face me again, his eyes even wilder than before.
“It’s complicated,” I say, and it is. It is so fucking complicated.
He lets out a frustrated sigh before moving toward me again. “I didn’t have sex with Erin, Skyler. I don’t want Erin. It’s you I want.” He doesn’t stop this time, his strides long and purposeful and soon I’m backed into the wall again, his body pressed against mine. “And less than three weeks ago, you stood in that shower and told me you wanted me, too. So stop being scared, stop caring what other people think, and for once in your life, take what you want.”
Before I have time to think, I slam my mouth onto his, heeding his words. He’s right. I crave him, whether I’m allowed to or not. And even though I know it’s not right, I want him. Right now.
The instant our lips meet, the electricity that’s been building between us sparks and catches fire, burning every inch of my skin with the need to be closer to him. Kip’s hands find my ass and he lifts me quickly before pinning me against the wall, the force taking my breath for a moment. My fingers claw at his shirt, the breaths heavy in my chest as the hunger builds to an impossible level. He pulls it over his head effortlessly and lets it fall to the ground before his eyes meet mine. I see the questions, the uncertainty, the wonder if he’s going to wake up to an empty bed again. And right now, I can’t promise him anything, so I don’t speak. And he doesn’t push. We both know what this is and what it isn’t, and that’s enough.
I grab the bottom of my hoodie and pull it over my head, taking my small tank top with it. Kip’s eyes fall to my chest and I feel his hard on between my hips. Moaning at his reaction to me, I grab his neck and pull his mouth to mine again. The first time Kip touched me, I was caught off guard. I was timid and afraid and overwhelmed with guilt. Now, I still know it’s wrong, but I don’t care. I don’t feel ashamed. I don’t feel guilty. I just feel… alive.
Kip thrusts his hips into me, kissing his way down my neck. When he bites down, a sharp and pleasurable pain shocks my body and I moan again.
“Fuck, Skyler,” Kip growls, his scruff against my skin causing me to shiver. “If you keep making noises like that, this is going to be over before it even starts.” Our breaths are hard, our skin slick with sweat. “Hang on, let me grab something,” he says, starting to drop me to the floor.
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around his neck tighter. “I’m on the pill.”
Kip groans, shaking his head and kissing me hard. “Thank fuck.”
He pulls me in his arms and moves us quickly to the couch, throwing me down as he towers over me. I lean up and make quick work of the button on his jeans before tugging them down and over his hips. They fall to the floor and Kip hides nothing behind his cotton boxers. Slowly, I run my hands up his thighs and palm him through the fabric, his head falling back as a deep groan escapes his throat. Moving my fingertips to the band just below his waistline, I tug them down and his erection springs free, sending a warm pulse of need between my thighs. My eyes find his again as I move my lips to his head, slowly swirling my tongue around the tip before running it along his length.