“If I told you I was an asshole, that I’m going to end up hurting you and this is all going to end just as fucked up as it started, would you hate me? Would you leave?”
I bite my lip, the bluntness of his words slamming into me like a club. “Am I stupid if I tell you I don’t think it’s possible for me to hate you?” He sighs, as if he knew I’d answer that way and it makes him hate himself even more. I shrug, leaning down to look into his eyes again. “I already tried.”
His hand finds mine and for a few moments we just sit there, staring ahead and letting the rain pour down outside. Finally, Kip speaks again. “I’m going to call things off with Erin.”
I nod, feeling a little shitty but mostly relieved. I don’t want him to be with Erin. “We still need to keep this a secret for a while,” I say, gently rubbing his fingers between mine. “I think after a while, Erin and my sisters and just everyone in general will be okay with us being together. But right now, it’s going to be too obvious. Erin would know we hooked up when you were together. She would hate me. Everyone would hate us.”
“I’m not with her, not the way you’re putting it, anyway. I’m going to make that clear to her, too,” Kip says quickly, turning to face me. “And why does it matter what everyone else thinks?” He’s saying the words like he wants us to be together now, but there’s still something in his eyes that tells me he’s not sure that’s what he wants, either.
“It’s not that easy, Kip. They’re my sisters and I’m in line to be the president next year. I can’t lead a sorority of girls who don’t trust me.” My eyes fall to the floor. “Plus, Erin is my Big. We’ve had some issues this year but I love her, I don’t want to hurt her.”
Kip nods, sighing as he reaches out and pulls me into him. “I know, I’m sorry. You’re right. Laying low for a while is a good idea. I’m sure Adam would be pissed, too. You need to figure out what to say to him.”
I roll my eyes. “Ugh, I don’t know how he hasn’t gotten the clue yet. I’ve barely spoken to him. He texts me every minute of the day, it feels like.”
At that, a smile curls on Kip’s face. “Is it bad that I kind of look forward to seeing his face when he realizes you’re with me?” I nudge him playfully and he pulls me in tighter, laughing. “Just saying, he thinks you played me to get him back. It’s going to be sweet revenge to prove that assumption incorrect.”
I roll my eyes again and Kip pulls me back onto the bed quickly, wrapping his arms around me. I laugh and push at his shoulders but give in too easily, not really wanting to get away from him in the first place. His smile fades slowly and his eyes search mine as he moves a strand of fallen hair from my face. There’s a storm brewing in those blue eyes of his, but I can’t figure out if I should be afraid or excited for the rain to pour.
“Stay with me today,” he says, leaning up on one elbow. I nod in response and he leans down again, pressing his lips to mine. The rain sounds softer now, replaced by the internal buzz I feel when Kip kisses me. I’ve decided he’s one of those kissers who really takes his time. He runs his hands through my hair and moves his lips slowly against mine, his tongue sweeping in at the perfect time to cause my breath to catch. He touches my face, my neck, my lower back. When it’s natural, he catches my bottom lip between his teeth, tugging just enough to make my stomach flip. Kip kisses me like I’m a goddess, like he’s lucky to even be near me, let alone with his lips on mine.
And with Kip, I feel like a goddess.
Beautiful.
Invincible.
Immortal.
But the truth is, I’m not a goddess. I can break. I know that, and yet I’m still here, wrapped in the arms of the one who could shatter me into pieces.
I guess I should start praying now.
Twenty-four hours. That’s all that stands between me and Spring Break. Just one day and one midterm. After Dr. O’Neal’s test tomorrow, Skyler and I will be free. The cruise leaves Friday and everyone is too focused on packing enough booze for the trip to focus on tests right now. I just can’t wait to have a whole week with Skyler. Although, it would be better if I could just be with her without worrying about being seen.
It’s only been a few days since I called things off with Erin and I know it’s going to take a while for Skyler to be comfortable with people knowing we’re together, but I can’t help but hope it’ll be sooner rather than later. We’ve only been sneaking around for a few days but it’s driving me insane. I try not to stare at her too long or laugh too much. When we’re in a room with other people, I have to pretend like she’s just another person in the group, another friend to joke around with when really I know she’s going to be in my bed later. It’s maddening.
Almost as maddening as the inner battle raging inside me ever since the night of the tournament. My dad has called three times now since Friday night but I haven’t answered. The truth is, I don’t know what to say yet. So much has changed. One minute I’m plotting how to take Skyler down, loving that I’m finding her weaknesses and then the next I’ve got her pressed up against the wall in my apartment with our clothes in a pile on the floor. I knew she still cared about me, but I don’t think I realized just how much I still cared about her. Not until Friday night, anyway.
Everything in me wants to believe Skyler, to believe she feels the way she says she does. I feel what’s happening between us, but there’s still something she’s hiding. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s something. How? Because I see the same reservations in her eyes that exist in my own.
I just don’t know what to think right now. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. Common sense says I should pick up the phone and tell my dad I can’t do what he’s asking of me, but for some reason I can’t. Is it because I’m afraid of his reaction? Is it because I’m a pussy and the thought of student loans and being cut off from my parents scares the shit out of me? Is it because I’m worried I’ll ruin the relationship with my dad only to be burned by Skyler in the end? Fuck! I don’t know. I honestly don’t. But I do know I’m running out of time to figure this shit out.
“I never thought studying could be so sexy,” I whisper in Skyler’s ear just before plopping into the seat across from her. The Greek Library is always quiet, but midterms cause a small spike in activity. Luckily, Skyler managed to snag a small table near the back, so it’s not too bad back here. She smiles up at me through her lashes, tucking a loose strand of hair from the messy bun on her head behind her ear. I slide the still steaming coffee cup toward her and start pulling my books from my bag. “Try that.”
She shakes her head, as if she’s certain I’ll be wrong again, but when she sips the liquid, her eyes grow wide in surprise and she smiles. “You figured it out.”
“I knew it!” I say a little louder than I intended. A group of four girls at the other end of a long bookcase shush me and Skyler giggles. “I knew it,” I repeat, whispering this time. “You don’t even like coffee, do you?”
“Nope,” she says, scrunching her nose a little. “It’s nasty. And it makes your breath smell.”
“Which is why I picked hot cocoa this time. I noticed the only time you didn’t give a sour ass face was when it was a super sweet latte. The girl in front of me ordered a hot cocoa and it’s like a light bulb went off.”
Skyler laughs a little, taking another sip of her cocoa. “Well, it’s about time. I didn’t think you would figure it out.”
“I know more about you than you think I do, Skyler Thorne.” I throw her a cocky grin, but my face falls a little as I realize just how true that statement is. Frowning, I open my book to the marked page where I left off studying last night and sip my coffee slowly, trying to focus. With Skyler sitting across from me, it’s practically impossible.