I won’t lose him.
I can’t lose him.
This game ends tonight.
The brisk wind on the top deck of the ship does nothing to cool my hot skin. My body is desperately trying to move air in and out of my lungs but it seems to hover instead, filling my chest with an excruciating tightness. My forearms are resting on the railing, my fists clenching and loosening methodically as I stare out at the stream of light casted on the water from the moon. It’s beautiful right now, cool but not cold, clear sky, stars everywhere. And yet, it might as well be raining. Storming. Hurricaning.
I’m fucking pissed.
I’ve played games with girls before. Hell, every relationship I’ve had has all been part of the game. But Skyler was different… is different. Or so I thought. Everything between us has been real, non-scripted, not perfect but perfect to me.
But she played me.
Even worse, she played me at the command of my fucking ex.
None of it was real and I know I have no right to be pissed off or hurt but goddamn it I’m both. Here I am, giving up everything I’ve ever wanted, risking the relationship with my father thinking maybe Skyler is worth it. No, knowing she is.
What a fucking idiot I am.
Leaning over the railing, I push air from my chest and try counting backward.
Ten… nine…
Fuck!
Frustrated, I run my hands through my hair just as I hear footsteps approaching from behind. I turn and once again, my breath is locked in place, making me want to scream to force it out and be able to breathe again.
Skyler is running.
Straight toward me.
Shaking my head, I turn back toward the water and rest my arms on the railing, preparing myself to be cold. Preparing myself to shut down. I know the power Skyler wields over me and I’m not stupid enough to think I can stand my ground while looking into those fucking ocean eyes of hers.
Her footsteps slow as she reaches me until she’s no longer moving but I know she’s there. Her breaths are loud and ragged and the air around us is so fucking heavy I feel like we might both die from the pressure. I know she’s waiting for me to turn around, but I refuse, angling my head even further from her view.
“Kip, please, let me explain.”
I laugh, which is exactly the opposite reaction of what I feel like I should be having. If anything, I feel closer to a punch or maybe even a cry, but laugh? No, not even close to what I feel. But nevertheless, a laugh escapes my throat and I shake my head.
“Don’t bother, Skyler,” I say the words low, but firm. “You played your game and you played it really fucking well. Are you sure you’re sold on the poker world? Because with the performance you gave, I think you might want to move to Hollywood.”
It’s silent for just a small second before Skyler huffs and grabs my arm, pulling me around to face her. I could shrug her off if I wanted to, but I let her turn me, I let her force me to face her because I’ve decided I want her to see what she’s done.
“Okay, you’re mad,” she assesses, taking in my features. “And you deserve to be. But don’t you dare treat me like that. You’re going to let me explain myself and you’re not going to say a word until I finish and then you can make up your mind about me.”
“I don’t have to –”
“Damn it, Kip!” Skyler’s voice is louder than I’ve ever heard it, a desperate high pitch when she says my name. “Let me fight for you! If you don’t want me after you hear me out, I’ll let you go.” She swallows those last words, her eyes shifting and my heart aches at the thought even though I know it’s what I have to do. “But I’m not going to do that until I know I’ve fought to keep you.”
I tense my jaw, not saying anything but not turning back around either. I’m giving her the chance to speak. She takes a deep breath at the realization and moves closer, but I take a step back and she halts, her eyes hurt.
“It’s true,” she finally says. And even though I knew it was, hearing it from her makes the anger roar through me again. “But it’s not what you think.” She clarifies quickly. “The night I met you, Kip, I wanted you. For me. You completely captured me. And then when I saw you in class, I knew it would only be a matter of time before you would be mine.”
“Cocky, are we?” I mean to say it as a joke, but my voice refuses to lighten and I sound like an asshole. I wish I was sorry.
She gives me a piercing look and purses her lips before continuing. “Right after that, I went back to the sorority house and Erin called us all into her room. She told us the story about you guys that summer and then she dropped the bomb that you were here. And when she said your name, everything changed. She came up with this…” she waves her hand in the air. “Sick game, and like a fool I agreed. But Kip,” she pleads. “I tried to get out of it. I gave Bear’s Little money to buy me at the auction. I tried to stay away from you. I tried to make you not want to be around me but the more I tried to avoid you the more I fell for you. And that? That was not a game. That wasn’t fake, it wasn’t a lie, it wasn’t pretend.”
She pauses for a moment, her breathing still just as hard. Her hands are shaking and her eyes are glossing over. The combination absolutely fucking wrecks me and I instantly want to reach out and pull her into me, but I can’t.
“Kip,” she pleads, stepping closer and this time I don’t move away. “That night at the dance, it broke me, too. And seeing you with Erin? It.” She stops, shaking her head, tears finally sliding slowly down her cheek. “I can’t even explain what it did to me. I’ve never cared about anyone the way I care about you. I would have just let any other guy go without so much as a second glance. But you have changed me. You’ve opened up the side of me that I have tried so desperately to hide and I’m not even sure why. You like me when I’m being me, no matter what I’m wearing or who I’m with or what I’m doing. You care about my love for poker and no one has ever taken the time to appreciate what I love the way you have.”
When she brings up poker, my breathing suddenly picks up again, my heart beating hard in my chest. Shit…
Here I am, pissed off and hurt by what she did to me, knowing that what I did to her was way worse. In fact, as of now, my dad doesn’t even know that the plan is off. I still have her file on my computer and printed out, stuffed in box under my bed. I still have the video of her tournament. And yet with all of that, whether it was before I decided I was done with his plans or after, everything between me and Skyler has been real for me.
And that’s exactly what she’s telling me now.
“You made it impossible to play Erin’s game because you came at me so fiercely and without apologies and you made me love you, Kip.” She chokes, the words bringing me back to life and murdering me all at the same time. “And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for what I’ve done. But I’m not sorry for loving you.”
Without hesitation, I reach out and pull her hard into my chest, wrapping my arms around her as she melts into me. I feel the tension in both of us disperse at the touch, each of our bodies reacting to the same charge that’s been there since the very first kiss.
“I’m so sorry,” she repeats, her tears soaking through my shirt as she grips me tighter.
I kiss her hair. “Stop, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
She shakes her head, pulling back to look up at me. “It’s not okay. None of it was okay and I knew it then just as much as I know it now. But it’s over and I promise I will never lie to you again. I don’t want to keep anything from you. Ever. You’ve always given me nothing but honesty and that’s what I want to give to you. I’m sorry. Please, please forgive me.”