Raegar looked at Tsarra, who hardly seemed to notice what Laeral's touch meant. Her shoulders were tense, and Raegar wondered what went on inside the young half-elf's head. He noticed the emerald gem on her forehead glinting and glowing. He watched her grimace, tensing all the muscles in her jaw, neck, shoulders, and even her clenched hands were white-knuckled. Her posture changed, and she shifted her weight as he and Laeral moved past her. Tsarra fought something deep inside herself. If I didn't know better, Raegar thought as he pursued Laeral, she's either fighting herself or she's possessed. She changes how she stands as if she's not sure who she is.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
30 Uktar, the Year of Lightning Storms (1374 DR) When Laeral addressed Khelben, Tsarra felt a stirring in her mind.
She paused a moment as waves of emotions and thoughts hit her simultaneously. For a moment, she felt dizzy and tasted and smelled something sour. "Sweet Lurue," Tsarra prayed under her breath, "don't let the vision take me. Don't let me be swept away by these thoughts and emotions not my own. May your horn cleave this wave and leave me with my senses." She concentrated and gently pushed away other thoughts and feelings, letting them flow around her rather than flood over her. Tsarra felt more timid and her shoulders bunched up when the sending came to her. A red flare of anger came with Khelben's waking thought. Blast it! Don't shout, Tsarra sent to Khelben, idly fingering the necklace that held his reduced form. It makes my ears ring, even if I'm not using them. Tsarra felt more than heard Khelben's mental sigh. Tell Laeral not to check on the ring. An agent can retrieve it for later inspections. Khelben, when you're conscious, it's very hard to… Hard to what, Tsarra? While you were dormant, all my doubts went away. I was thinking more clearly than I have since this all began. What are you doing to me? I'm not doing anything, apprentice.
Now tell LaeralGods take you, wizard, you are doing something to me!
I've lived here for nearly two decades, but I've not been this apprehensive around you since my first year! My temper's not been this bad in at least ten years. What's going on? We don't have timeWe'll make time, Khelben. I'm not sure of my own self, and if you need my sorcery to be ready to fight a lich, I have to be able to focus. Right now, I'm fighting a war inside myself and I'm losing. What is happening here? Tsarra felt Khelben's surprise, followed by a pregnant pause. Finally, Khelben sent his thoughts to her: I stand corrected.
We were affecting you without knowing we did so. Luckily, the explanation will take a fraction of real time outside the kiira. Close your eyes and think of the design of your tattoo. Tsarra imagined the image of the tattoo on her forehead, its seven whorling lines converging on or wrapping around their central green gem. The verdant light flared into flames along the lines of her mark, and filled her head with emerald energies. She saw Khelben's private library, but it was all olive-tinged and glowing. Khelben stood before her, whole, unharmed, and smiling. She gazed around, noting how everything glowed or was entirely a translucent green, and sent in a whisper, We're inside the kiira, aren't we? Khelben nodded, and the barest hint of a smile crept out over the silver wedge in his black beard. I love teaching sorcerers. Your intuitive flow with the Weave is so much quicker than another intellectual lecture. Tsarra looked around, and aside from the color, every detail was the same as the physical world with one exception. Wisps of mists snaked throughout the chamber and clung to both her and Khelben. She gasped as she turned, looking for concentrations of mist, and found herself face to face with the ephemeral Danthra the Dreamer. Danthra? The ghostly girl, eyes wide and wet, reached for Tsarra and winced back when her hands dissipated into thin mist as they met the half-elf's fingers. Tsarra had only seen such despair on Danthra's face twice before-when she foresaw and predicted the death of a first-year student six years ago, and when her first lover, a Watch armar of Sea Ward, died in a tavern brawl two summers back. Her pleading eyes bored into Tsarra's and begged her release from pain. Danthra? Dreamer? We'll help you, dear heart.
You'll see. You'll see. Calm yourself. Are you in pain? Khelben, why isn't she responding? She cannot speak or send to either of us, Tsarra. In truth, she's barely alive on any level, but we both feel her sorrows and her fears. She is the innocent victim here again, as are you. To keep focused the past few days, I unconsciously shoved the burden of bearing her soul remnants onto you. That's why you've been having her uncontrolled visions, albeit you're pulling them from me through our connections. Another result of that was your feeling her emotions and fears. When added to your own apprehensions, they overwhelmed your normal emotional balance. Khelben approached both of them and tenderly placed hands on their cheeks, and he was careful enough not to disturb Danthra's misty face. His shoulders slumped and his face carried the burdens and guilt of nine hundred years years rather than his usual stony demeanor. For all this, I am sorry, and I pray I may help us all through this crisis as safely as possible.
Tsarra stood still, staring into his eyes for a long moment until tears blurred her vision. She blinked them away and reached up to hold Khelben's hand in hers. You're not used to someone getting this close to you, are you, Blackstaff? Our emotions affect yours too. This is the first time you've actually had to feel what great sacrifices you regularly ask of your agents. Aye, and it's dredging up some regrets on which I've not the time to dwell. For now, I promise that I shall cradle Danthra as well as I may. You should know that she sees you as her protector more than me. She clings to you, oblivious that her own efforts to be comforted force her talents as well as her fears to the forefront in your mind. Well, asked and answered, then. Thank you for showing me this. Can I enter the kiira like this just by seeing my sigil in my mind? Yes, and with the proper meditation techniques, you can visit my memories under more controlled methods. There are many, if they knew what you now possess, who would kill you for my secrets.
I'll help you keep that information away from them as best I can. For now, I believe we can hold off any more visions until our task is fulfilled. Are you ever going to tell me what that is? Even what little I know, this plan of yours isn't falling together like you'd hoped. We've spent days calling in old favors, but for what reason I don't know. We've chased after artifacts but seem to be three steps behind a lich, not to mention one powerful enough to mindtwist a number of people into doing its dirty work. Give me more information and let me help you. For Lurue's sake, don't make me your puppet while you sit inside that necklace! It's hardly comfortable or comforting to be there, considering. The only reason I am in there and refused Sandrew's healing is to prevent such from disrupting the links among our three souls. As for the details I've not yet found the time to share, you're right. It is time for you to learn the matter in full.