Blame The Dead

A second voice said quietly, 'He's safe.'

The torch flicked away and pointed at a deep, low chair. 'Sit in that one, Card. Nice and relaxed.'

I sat; in that chair, there was no way of doing anything sudden. But just in case I needed any further persuading, the torch shone briefly on the gun the first man had in his other hand. A Walther P38. A very nice automatic, that; supposed to be the standard German Army pistol in the last war, though they still used plenty of Lugers, too. Almost certainly nine-millimetre.

The torch came back on to me. 'So now you know,' the first voice said calmly. He was still just a dark shape to me, even when I wasn't being dazzled, but the voice sounded like a big man; not too young, and not too yobbovitch, but not a Cholmondleigh of Chatterley, neither.

'What can I do for you gentlemen?' I asked.

The second voice chuckled; the first said, 'That's nice. Cooperative. You brought something back from France. It doesn't belong to you. We'll take it.'

'Is it yours?'

'That isn't the point. It isn't yours.'

'Keep your voice down,' I warned. 'These new blocks are built of cardboard.' Which actually wasn't true for my building; I just wanted to get him to do something I told him to. Psychological, you know.

And his voice became a hoarse whisper. 'Just tell me where it is.'

'What are we talking about? ' I whispered back.

'You know bloody well. Where is it?'

'You can search me.'

'Stop buggering about!' So he had some idea of the size of thing he was after.

'Sorry I haven't got any children's books to keep you happy.'

It was a chance. If he really was a Bertie Bear fan, then I couldn't play ignorant any longer. But if he wasn't…

He wasn't. The torch Cook three quick steps and something smashed on to my cheek. I couldn't even fall out of that chair, but it rocked with me.

'I said to stop buggering about. Now where is it?'

My eyeballs spun slowly to a stop. I touched my cheek, expecting to find it laid open; hell, I expected to find my head missing. Then I realised he'd used his hand, not the gun. It had still felt like Krupp steel.

The second voice whispered urgently. 'Keep it quiet!'

'The hell with that. Where is it?'

'I gave it back to the syndicate. Belongs to them.'

Clang. It was the other cheek this time, but his backhand was just as good as his forehand.

'For God's sake!' the second voice said. 'He's got it in a hotel or some bird's pad."

The torch took a pace back. 'You're not tough,' the first voice said quietly. 'You're cheap. For a hundred quid you'll carry a gun without a licence. And come the first shot you're on the next boat home to Mummy. You're just a mug.'

'I gave it to that big fat sod down at the office.'

'Mr Mockby? Mug.'

The torch moved in. I pressed back in my chair and kicked upwards. I must have got his thigh, though I wasn't aiming for quite that. He overbalanced and his hand swiped the back of the chair. His face fell on my knees. I banged both fists on the back of his neck, grabbed his hair and threw him aside, and tried to spill over the other side of the chair. Then the second one jumped me.

The chair spilled then, all right. One of my feet caught a small table and lamp. Add the two of us hitting the floor at the same time, and you had a crash like the delivery of a year's coals in hell. The noise froze him for a moment, and I got my feet back from under him and kicked him a few times more or less in the ribs. He made oofing noises and rolled away.

I grabbed the torch off the floor, got on my feet, and flicked it across the two of them. The big one was down on his knees and forehead like a Muslim at prayer, rubbing the back of his neck. The other was just getting up. The light stopped him; the sound of the doorbell bloody well petrified him.

'Come in!' I yelled. Then I pulled back the window curtains and dumped the torch on the sofa.

A muffled voice called, 'It's locked!'

'Stay there! I'll be with you!' I got my first good look at the second voice: youngish, narrow-faced, long black hair, smart leather jacket.

I said, 'The rest we do with eye-witnesses. It's your decision.'

He just stayed crouched against the end of the sofa. I circled round the other man. He was big, all right, and about my own age or a bit more. He wore a rough tweed sports jacket with one pocket weighed down to the floor; I took the Walther out of it and began to feel more at home in my own home.

Then I backed off to the door and asked, 'Who is it?'

'It's Mr Norton. Is that Mr Card? '

'Yes.' The snoopy old bastard who lived one floor down.

'You're back, then?'

'Yes.'

'I heard a crash…'

'I'm sorry, Mr Norton. Knocked over a table in the dark. I'm not really awake.'

'It isn't good enough, Mr Card. At this time in the morning.'

'I know, Mr Norton. I'm sorry.'

'Some people are still trying to sleep.'

'I know. I'm sorry.'

Pause. Then, 'I may have to speak to Miss O'Brien about it.'

'I hope not, Mr Norton.'

'And those stories about you in the papers, and the reporters coming round…'

'You don't want to believe everything you read in the papers, Mr Norton. Anyway, I'm going away again in a minute.'

Pause. You could just about hear the clockwork running down.

'Well, it isn't good enough.'

'I'm sorry, Mr Norton.'

Pause. 'Well…' Tick… tick… tick. He shuffled away. I leaned back against the door. Even a punch-up is less exhausting than some things.

Back in the living-room, the young one was on his feet, looking a bit uncertain, and the big one in a chair, still rubbing his neck and breathing in grunts. I showed him the gun.

'It isn't loaded,' he growled.

Keeping it pointed, I worked the slide a couple of times -and damn me, it wasn't. I went quickly through into the bedroom and took the commando knife from the bedside table drawer. The drawer was already open, and when I looked around, they'd really worked the place over. Well, of course they would have done. Blast. I checked my cuff-links box and the drawer of personal papers and they were all right. At least I don't keep any guns in the flat, except the antiques, and they were still on the living-room wall. And in my business you don't keep files at home.

I went back and showed them the knife. 'I'm good with these things, too. Now both of you get out.'

The big one stood up slowly and a bit shakily. 'What about the gun?'

'I'll keep it as a souvenir.'

He glowered at it in my hand. His face had a blunt, ruddy look, like a man who spends time out of doors. I'd have liked to know more about him; if the gun had been loaded, or if there'd been just him, I'd've gone through his wallet. But not with just a knife against the two of them.

He still seemed uncertain. I said, 'Breaking and entering witha. firearm. Look, mate – I'm giving you the next five years of your life. I should take it.'

He took it – but still reluctantly. The other one wasn't so reluctant, though he remembered to pick up the torch as he went.

I watched them from the front window. They went to the big maroon Jag just down the road, and while they were scraping the windscreen clear of frost I remembered my binoculars. Then they drove off – the big one at the wheel – I got the number.

And right then, I was ready to join Mr Norton in catching up on some rest. But I still had the power of the press to worry about. I spent five minutes picking my clothes off the bedroom floor and throwing some of them into a suitcase. As a second thought, I added the drawerful of personal papers, address book, and so on. Then I went into the bathroom and splashed cold water around my face. Both cheeks had a red tinge that might need some explaining back at the hotel.

As I went out, I checked the door latch and told myself for the hundredth time to get a lock of my own put in. A hell of a security adviser I was who couldn't keep a couple of amateurs out of his own flat. Oh, well. I know doctors who still smoke.