Things suddenly went very quiet. Spyder lunged at a hyena-headed demon, but slashed empty air when the thing backed away and knelt down. Shrike and Lulu’s opponents mimicked the move. Spyder looked around and saw a slave-drawn chariot rolling slowly toward them. Behind it, Xero’s men were mopping up the remnants of the Hell army, most of whom were sprawled on the ground, slaughtered or twitching like broken wind-up toys.
The chariot stopped a few yards from Shrike. “My eyes and ears did not deceive me. It is you, Alizarin,” said the man in the golden helmet. “What a charming surprise. Say hello to your father. He makes a fine mule.” He reached down to a blank-eyed old man and petted his head the way you might pet a dog.
“I’ll kill you, Xero,” Shrike said.
“You can’t, child. I’m already dead.” Xero pulled his helmet off. Spyder was surprised by what he saw. After all of Shrike’s vitriol and the terrible dream they’d shared in the desert, he was expecting a brute. What he saw was a refined and strangely handsome face. It was long, with a wide forehead, bright eyes and the kind of nose his grandma would have called “noble.” Xero’s smile was wide and toothy, giving him a elegantly feral look. It was no mystery why a younger, more naïve Shrike would have fallen hard for the man.
“I’ll burn your soul from existence,” she said.
“Lucifer said the same thing and he hasn’t managed it. What makes you think you can?”
“I hate you more than the devil does.”
Xero laughed. “That, I believe,” he said. “I’ll make you a proposal. Stay here with me in Hell and I’ll release your father from his curse. I’m going to win this war soon. I already control the outlands and am slowly strangling Lucifer. When I take his throne, I’ll have more use for a bride than a broken-back nag,” he said, pulling Shrike’s father’s matted hair.
“I trusted you once and it destroyed my world. I won’t trust you again.”
“Please reconsider. For both your sakes. It’s a reasonable offer. When I have to make the offer again, the terms will diminish and they’ll diminish each time I ask you, until you agree.”
“I’ll cut my own throat first,” said Shrike.
“Wonderful. Then you’re guaranteed to end up back here with me.”
Spyder saw it just before it happened. In Xero’s presence, Shrike was still that furious, irrational, deeply-wronged teenage girl. And she was losing her shit completely, he thought. She shrieked and went right for Xero, her sword up in killing position. Xero bought his bow up and fired off a volley of arrows at her, but he didn’t really seem to be trying to kill her. He was laughing the whole time. Shrike spun and parried, splitting the arrows in the air. Spyder was already hacking his way through Xero’s army when one of the arrows slashed Shrike’s right arm. But she kept coming, even while Xero took aim right at her heart.
Spyder reached the chariot and lunged blindly, not knowing or caring where he hit. He jammed the black blade into Xero’s right thigh. The general groaned and backhanded Spyder off the chariot, harder than any human had ever hit him before. Spyder blacked out for a moment, but shook himself awake enough to see Xero pull out the knife as his leg was cooked black. Apollyon’s blade even burned his hand. He tossed it away, and his demon troops scattered from the knife as it fell. Spyder scrambled to retrieve it and was almost run down by Xero as he shifted his chariot to slip Shrike’s sword blow. Kicking his chariot forward, he took off fast across the blood and machine oil-splattered plain. His surviving troops followed behind on foot.
Spyder, still winded from Xero’s blow, staggered to where Shrike was on her knees. When he touched her, she was softly crying, and pushed Spyder away. Lulu grabbed him before he fell.
“I lost him,” she said between sobs. “My father was right here. I lost him and it’s my fault.”
“Xero played you,” said Spyder. “You weren’t ready for him. You will be next time.”
“I will,” she said. “Are you all right? I didn’t mean to push you.”
“It’s all right.”
Lulu dropped down on the ground nearby, breathing hard. Seeing her, Spyder had to laugh.
“I guess we can forget the element of surprise,” he said.
They were filthy, covered in sweat, demon blood and fluids Spyder didn’t want to think about.
“It takes a big man to get down on his knees and beg,” said Lulu.
“It’s why us sissies carry knee pads. Ashbliss, can you hear me?”
The little demon was suddenly standing on a nearby alkali mound, wringing his pudgy hands.
“You’re all so damp and exhausted. Am I too late for the rutting?”
FORTY EIGHT
Treacherous and Boring
“Okay, little man, let’s make a deal,” said Spyder.
“Lovely,” said Ashbliss. “You know my terms.”
“We’ll cut you loose from Beelzebub, but first we need the book,” said Shrike.
“Nonsense. You have the knife. First my master, then your book.”
“We have the knife, but that might not be enough. To use the knife, we have to get close to your master and that might not be possible. If we have the book, we can use its magic to safely free you.”
“Or destroy me. I’m not sure I want to help you after all.”
“Ashbliss, don’t be that way,” said Spyder. “We’re not demons. We’re human. If we make a bargain, we keep it.”
“Humans are the most treacherous animals in existence! Everyone knows that!” Ashbliss shouted. “It’s not even fun going to Earth and corrupting you because you’re all half-way there.”
“How can we prove to you that we intend to honor our bargain?” asked Shrike.
“There is nothing you can say or do. I don’t trust you. Accept my bargain as stated or I’ll be on my way. I’m sure other talking meat will be along shortly, after your bones are used to fill potholes in the road to Gehenna.”
“All right, you got me, you clever boots,” said Spyder. “We were messing with you, but you foxed us. We’ll do it your way. First the boss, then the book.”
“Spyder, it’s too dangerous,” said Shrike.
“I’m open to suggestions. Xero knows we’re here. This runt knows we’re here. Some of Lucifer’s demons high-tailed it out of here during that fight, and they knew we’re here. We’ve got to do something and we’ve got to do it now.”
“He’s right, Shrike,” said Lulu. “I know you’re the smart one and the warrior, but we’re not gonna tunnel out of here with a spoon and fighting spirit. We need the book, however we can get it.”
Shrike was silent a moment. “I know,” she said. “Give me the knife. I complicated things by losing my temper. I’ll kill Beelzebub.”
“You sure you’re up for this?” Spyder asked
Shrike nodded. “I told you I’d take care of you down here. I haven’t done a very good job so far. Let me do this.”
Spyder pulled Apollyon’s knife from his waist and gave it to Shrike, taking her hand for a moment after he handed her the blade. He looked at Ashbliss. “We’re not going to hump. Don’t even ask.”
“Treacherous and boring,” muttered the demon.
A fireball streaked at them from across the plains, turning away from them at the last possible moment. At the edge of the field, it turned and circled back, scorching a circle once around the group, enclosing them in a ring of fire. When the circle was complete, Spyder could see something in the flames. A man stepping down from a chariot.
“I couldn’t leave you all without saying goodbye,” said Xero. Great waves of heat cascaded off his body. He didn’t seem to be covered with fire so much as made of it.