I didn’t answer. I couldn't answer. After a few minutes, she must've gotten tired of waiting, because she left.
I dropped down onto the nearest chair and stared at the abandoned rose.
What’s the point...?
I didn't know.
***
I fell asleep.
I didn't know how long I was out, but I startled awake when I heard the alarm being disarmed.
That put me on my feet.
The sound of the door opening took me out into the hall.
What I saw next had me clenching my jaw.
Isadora.
Dressed in a nightgown and robe. Wrapped in Colton’s arms. He looked like he’d just gotten off work and he had his face tucked against her neck, while she clung to him.
They looked...right.
They looked complete together, even if Isadora’s shoulders were rising and falling erratically, as though she was holding back a sob.
“I can’t sleep, baby,” she whispered against his chest.
I withdrew farther back into the shadows of the library, keenly aware that I was intruding on a private moment. Still, I heard them.
“I keep having nightmares. It’s like I wake up and I’m back there, all over again...”
“It’s okay, Dory,” Colton said, his voice low, harder to hear. “I'm here. I have you and I'm not letting you go.”
I turned away. Quiet as I could, I went back to the couch and sat down. I leaned back and closed my eyes. I hadn’t known she was having nightmares. How had I not known? I was glad she had somebody to talk to, to turn to in the night.
The knowledge made me feel more alone than ever.
Toni’s face was the last thing I saw before I slid back into sleep.
***
Morning dawned too bright and too early. Lying there in my bed, I tried to shut it out, along with the voice of my sister from last night.
But her words circled through my mind over and over in an endless loop.
What’s the point?
She was like a ghost, trapped inside my skull.
If you end up all alone…what’s the point?
I could picture her with Colton, him helping her shoulder the burden of everything that had happened to her. There'd been a time when she would have turned to me, her older brother. For as long as she had been alive, I had been there for her, even before our parents died. It was strange to realize I wasn’t the one she turned to anymore.
Realistically, I knew I couldn’t expect to be the only one in her life. Isadora was funny and bright and sweet. She loved people. People loved her.
Unlike me. I had wealth and power, and that attracted people. But that wasn’t the same thing as having people like me. Care about me.
I lived a very solitary existence, and it was becoming more solitary all the time. First, we lost our parents. Then I lost Lily. Once I'd stopped trusting everybody except my sister, it had been inevitable that I'd have no one but her.
Then Toni came along and shaken my world.
Pushing her away had been instinctive, and I’d done it from the beginning. I could see that now. She was funny and determined, and she didn’t shy away from anything. She was everything I didn’t have.
So, of course, I'd pushed her away. Tried to keep her at arm's length like I did with my staff.
Other than Isadora, there was nobody I really talked to, and even my relationship with her wasn’t as close as it had been. It had taken seeing her with Colton last night to realize we were drifting apart. Or we already had.
What’s the point…if you end up all alone?
***
Twelve hours ago, this was the last place I’d expected to end up.
Twelve hours ago, I had convinced myself I was doing the right thing, establishing a safe distance between Toni and myself. I’d thought we could have a purely sexual relationship. I just needed to find the right way to propose my brilliant plan.
I could have my cake and eat it too.
Six hours ago, I'd had myself convinced it was best that she knew the kind of person I was.
Now I was just hoping she’d let me through the door.
I couldn't quite remember how I’d gotten through the security door that first night. Maybe somebody had taken pity on a drunk bum. Or maybe somebody equally as drunk had been going through and I’d just followed.
I had no idea, and that actually bothered me. Toni should be completely safe, and it was clear that she wasn't here.
Except right now. There was nobody around who looked interested in opening that door, and the memories I had from before were so blurred by booze and memories of being naked with Toni, I had no room in my skull for something as mundane as how I’d gotten inside.
The only memory I clearly recall was of those minutes when I’d woken to find myself in her bed. Even those memories were somewhat muddled by the miserable hangover I'd had. It likely would have been much worse if it hadn't been for her pouring water and ibuprofen down my throat the night before.
Sometimes there'd be a faint flicker of something more. The brush of her mouth on mine. Her body pressed against me. Her voice sharp as she ordered me to drink water, and then soft as she cried out my name.
That was all I had though.
Dread gripped me as I lifted my finger to jab at the doorbell.
It was very likely she wouldn’t let me in. But I had to try.
Before I had a chance, the front door opened and a cute black girl just an inch or so taller than Toni stood there. She cocked her head to the side and studied me, lips pursed. With an intense scrutiny, she looked me over from head to toe and then propped her shoulder against the door.
“Well, hello. Can I help you?” She seemed amused to see me standing there.
“Ah...hello. I’m here to see Toni. Toni Gallagher.”
Dark eyes glinting, she said, “There's only one Toni in the building. She know you're coming?”
I thought about trying to charm my way past her, but the look in her eyes told me it wouldn’t work. I went with the truth. “No. And I'll be honest, if she did, she probably wouldn't let me up.” I fudged the next bit. Sort of. “We've been seeing each other and we had a pretty bad fight. I want to make it up to her.” I gave her a sheepish smile rather than a charming one. “I don't suppose you’d help me out?”
“If you’re trying to make it up to her, where's the candy? Roses? Something sparkly?” She glanced at my decidedly empty hands.
“Toni isn’t the kind to be impressed with it.” Also, I hadn’t thought of it.
“Huh.” She grunted out the noise, then shrugged. “That's true enough. So, what if I say no?”
Sliding my hands in my back pockets, I looked away. “Then you say no. And I start pushing on that buzzer and play the waiting game.”
I felt like a bug under a microscope, the way she watched me, but whatever she saw must have satisfied her.
“Good for you,” she announced with a decisive nod. She stood aside and held out the door. Just before I would have crossed the threshold, she grabbed my arm. “Don’t make me regret this.”