“I’m not considering anything, Toni. I’m realizing. I don’t have a life. I have an existence, and it's all I've had for a long time. Maybe since even before my parents died. And I’m tired of it. From the moment I saw you, I felt more alive than I had in years. I want that. I want you.”
“Want is easy,” I whispered. My voice shook and I squeezed my eyes closed. I could feel it in my chest, the most dangerous thing I could feel.
Hope.
I couldn't hope.
Even though I knew he was close behind me, when he touched my shoulders, I jerked. I spun around, anger and panic sending my heart racing. My eyes were wide, hands shaking. Too much. It was too much. The letter, now him showing up here like this...I couldn't take it.
Sucking in a breath, I started to babble out some sort of lame excuse to cover up my reaction, but it was too late. His eyes narrowed on my face and whatever else he might've wanted to say vanished.
“What’s going on?”
Shit. He didn't need to know any of this. “Nothing.”
He shook his head. “You're lying. When you answered the door, you looked like you were going to take my head off with that bat. I thought you were just pissed at me, but you didn’t know I was coming. And now that I think about it, you looked more scared than mad. Something’s going on. What is it?”
I lifted my chin. Hell, no. “You don’t need to worry about it.”
“Toni.” His voice held a low warning.
“Ash.” I mocked him as I found my footing again. “Just a reminder, I’m fun and good in bed. That’s it. There’s nothing between us, so it’s not like you have any business demanding to know jackshit about me.”
Turning away, I crossed my arms across my stomach so Ash wouldn't see them shaking. My gaze fell on the letter. I stared at it, unable to look away.
And that was where I messed up.
Because when Ash came around, he saw where I was looking, took one long step forward and picked up the letter. I tried to stop him, but couldn't grab it in time.
Defeated, I slumped back against the counter and waited.
I didn't have to wait long.
His eyes cut to mine seconds later. “When in the hell did you get this?”
I glared at him, not appreciating his tone. His face softened and he put the letter down. I watched how he did it, gingerly, handling it no more than he needed to, and then he came to me.
I shoved my hands up to create a barrier between us. “I don’t want you touching me.”
But my voice wobbled and tears burned my eyes. My hands dropped.
He took it as an invitation, but I didn't have the strength to protest. “Toni, it’s going to be all right.” He brushed my hair back from my face. The way he said it, it was as if he had no doubt in the world.
“You can’t know that.”
“Yes, I can.” His voice was firm, his gaze intense. “Because I’m going to make sure of it. I won’t let anything happen, not to you or your family.”
I believed him, but when he slid his hand down to cup my face, I pulled back. I wasn’t ready to let him comfort me. Touch me.
His face spasmed, but he nodded. “I’m sorry, Toni. I’ve been an ass to you, and I’d undo it all if I could. I can’t, and I know that. I’m sorry.” The words all came out in a rush.
Shivering, I moved over to my chair and sat down. When Ash came over with a blanket, I stared at him, and then slowly nodded. He wrapped it around my shoulders. I wasn't completely freaking out, but I was in shock. I knew the symptoms.
After tucking the blanket around me, he stroked a hand awkwardly up and down my arm. I closed my eyes and some of the tension drained away.
Again, he said, “I’m sorry, Toni.”
I shook my head. “I can’t keep doing this hot and cold thing, Ash.” Tears pricked my eyes, but I fought them. It was a win, but a narrow one.
“I know.” He paused, and then added, “About that letter...”
I looked up at him.
His expression was serious. “We have to go to the FBI.”
Chapter 3
Toni
Marcum’s eyes skimmed the letter for what seemed like the hundredth time even though we hadn’t been in her office more than ten minutes. She wasn't handling it as carefully now that it was in plastic. She wore latex gloves too which, aside from me thinking it was overkill, told me how seriously she was taking things.
I still felt like shit though. My gut was a mess. It had been since Ash had called her from a coffee shop near my apartment, telling her we needed to speak with her, but he had reason to think one or both of us were being followed. She’d told us to stay put and somebody would be there to get us.
Look for the ugliest bastard you ever saw. He’s the one I’m sending after you. He’s going to tell you that he’s in the mood for curry. That’s how you know he’s the right guy. Got that?
If things hadn't been so serious, I might've laughed.
Twenty minutes after she disconnected, a big, hulking brute of a guy with strangely long arms, a sloped forehead and a shuffling sort of gait came through the door. He’d ordered coffee, then turned and ambled our way. He had the pale skin of a man who never went outside unless he had to. Then, as he’d gotten closer, I’d seen the scar that bisected his face.
Yeah. He was pretty damn ugly. But if he was our rescue, he was the best thing I'd ever seen.
After he’d dropped into the seat across from mine, he glanced around casually. “These coffee places, all the same, you know? You two hungry?”
Ash glanced over at me.
I’d been too busy trying not to freak out, being surrounded by so many people, any one of whom could've been the person who'd written the letter.
The big guy had smiled. “I’m in the mood for some curry. You guys wanna join me?” Then he tipped the coffee cup at us. “After we finish this, of course.”
When Marcum’s eyes returned to the top of the page to start reading again, I finally lost my patience.
“For crying out loud, that letter isn’t that complicated.” Shooting to my feet, I repeated it back to her, word for word, and then listed off how many words had been on the document. “Why do you need to keep reading and re-reading?”
“Because I obviously don’t have a memory like yours,” Marcum said dryly.
I glared at her.
“That was kind of impressive,” she said, smiling a little.
“Thanks,” I snapped. “I take requests. Want to hear the St. Crispin’s Day speech?”
“I’ll pass.”
“Too bad. I’m really good at it.” I could feel myself relaxing a bit as we bantered. Which, I now realized, had been her intention.
Ash’s eyes slid back to me and he cocked his eyebrow. “You know the St. Crispin’s Day speech?”
“Yeah. I can also quote the movie Independence Day to you in its entirety.” Along with a few others. I’m a lot of fun at parties.”
“I imagine you would be, but not for that phenomenal memory.” He reached out and took my hand, lifting it to his lips. “It’s going to be okay, Toni.”
The warmth of his mouth on the back of my hand only made me more aware of how cold I was again. I started to shiver and he frowned. When I tried to tug my hand away, he moved in and pulled me up against him, his big body warming mine in a way no jacket, no cup of coffee, no blanket ever could. For a few moments, I let myself be comforted.
When I took a step back and glanced over at Marcum, it was to find she’d finally placed the letter back on the battered desk.