I dressed automatically, but when I looked in the mirror to apply my make-up, I did a double take. My skin had always had a golden touch to it and it got even darker if I tanned, but now I looked practically pale. The circles under my eyes were purple, almost the same shade as my violet irises, and I looked at least ten years older than twenty-five. I scowled at my reflection and then got to work. By the time I finished, I didn't look completely like my old self, but I was at least presentable.
I took a deep breath and looked myself square in the eye. I could do this. So what if my entire adult life so far had been as Ronald's other half. I'd moved into my own apartment after I'd signed my contract at Legacy. Granted it was in Washington Park, but it was still my own place. I could stand on my own two feet.
I kept telling myself that as I headed out the door, determined to have a good first day.
Chapter 2
If the whole wedding thing hadn't been an issue, the first two weeks back to work would've been great. I had amazing students. A few who were going to be a handful, but only because they were so smart. No complaints about the curriculum or reading lists from either students or parents. After the first day of fielding questions, everyone basically ignored what had happened, which suited me just fine.
Even all of this, however, wasn't enough to lift my depression. My determination that I would be okay was getting harder to stick to. It seemed like everywhere I went, I was seeing happy couples and wedding announcements. They were all over TV too. Worse, I hadn't considered this as a possibility when I'd been planning my reading lists for this year. I always re-read the books with my students, which meant I'd spent the last two weeks dealing with Romeo, Mr. Darcy and Heathcliff. At least my seniors were reading Paradise Lost, no romance in that one. Though I had to admit, by comparison to Ronald, even Satan was looking pretty good at the moment.
Now, as I was making my way through L20 to the table where Adelle and Mindy were already sitting, I wondered what they'd say if I ordered something stronger than wine. I didn't even know if they served that kind of alcohol here, but I was seriously considering finding out. To top it all off, as I walked by the table closest to where I'd be sitting, the man dropped down on one knee and his girlfriend squealed. It took all of my willpower not to tackle the happy couple or, at the very least, scream at the girl to ‘run’.
“Here,” Adelle handed me a glass of wine before I'd even taken a seat. She glanced at the kissing couple and rolled her eyes. “His timing sucks.”
I shrugged and took a gulp of the wine, barely registering anything beyond the buzz as it hit my empty stomach. “He'll screw her over soon enough. They all do.”
Mindy winced and I wondered if I'd spoken loud enough for the couple to hear. Oh well. Harsh truth. The girl would learn sooner or later. I took another drink of my wine.
“So, Mindy, did you have any more problems with Frank?” Adelle asked, not so subtly changing the subject.
I forced myself to pay attention as Mindy caught us up on her latest incident with her nosy old neighbor who'd taken to lurking outside her apartment door so he could hear everything going on inside. About ten months ago, he'd found out that she was bisexual, and now, her every move was cause for complaint.
Mindy narrowed her eyes and tossed her strawberry-blond curls over her shoulder. She was the smallest of the three of us, the very definition of petite, but when she got riled, she wasn't someone to mess with. “He told the building super that I was violating some sort of ethics code of conduct by having both men and women spend the night.”
As my friends began to debate the merits of taking legal action against the creepy old man, I let myself zone out. I didn't want to think about anything or anyone. Nice, quiet darkness; that sounded good. I snapped out of it for a few minutes when the waitress took our orders and chatted a bit, but once she was gone, I was back to letting everything just slide by. I thought too much anyway. Not doing it would be good for me.
I wasn't even aware that I'd been eating until Adelle's impatient voice interrupted my non-thoughts. “Sorry, what was that?”
She gave me a stern look. “I was saying that you're being quieter than usual and I was wondering how you were doing.” She glanced at Mindy who shared a concerned expression. “But I guess that answers my question.”
“I'm fine,” I snapped then sighed, instantly regretting how I sounded. “Look, it's just going to take a while, okay. Ronald and I were together for seven years. It's not that easy to get over someone like that.”
Adelle's face tightened slightly, not enough that anyone else would've noticed, but I did. I reached across the table and put my hand on hers. “I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.”
“It's okay.” Adelle smiled. “Morgan's been gone for over two years.”
I squeezed her hand before releasing it. Even Mindy didn't know how much Morgan's death had devastated Adelle. My best friend sat here now in designer clothes, her long chestnut brown waves styled by someone who made more a year than I did, and I knew she'd trade it all for just one more day with her husband. He'd been the love of her life and she missed him terribly. She'd dated in the years since his death, but never anything remotely serious.
“You know what you need,” Adelle said. “You need to get back on the horse.”
I laughed.
“I'm serious,” she said. “If there's one thing I learned from losing Morgan, it's to live life to the fullest, and that means moving on. The best way to do that is to get back in the saddle.”
“You're really enjoying these horse metaphors, aren't you?” I drained my glass. “Need I remind you that, before I started dating Ronald when I was eighteen, I'd had a total of two boyfriends and one of those was Timmy Gardener in the sixth grade. We held hands on the haunted hayride and that was a big deal.” I poked at my food. “I've never even slept with someone other than Ronald.”
“All the more reason for you to get back out there,” Adelle said. She grinned, her crystal blue eyes lighting up in a way I knew was trouble. I wasn’t going to like what she was about to suggest, but that wouldn’t stop her from suggesting it. “I know the perfect way to get things started. You need to fuck someone.”
I was glad I didn't have anything else to drink because I probably would've spit it out. “I'm not going to hook up with some random guy.”
She shook her head, giving me her ‘no shit’ stare. “Of course not. You're far too conservative for that.”
I opened my mouth to protest, then snapped it shut again. She was right. Out of the three of us, I was definitely the most... conservative. Growing up, Adelle used to tease me about being innocent and naïve. I was a bit more worldly wise than I had been back then, but I was still far from adventurous, especially when it came to sex.
“There's this guy. Absolutely gorgeous and hung like a fucking horse.” A gasp from one of the other tables said Adelle wasn't being as quiet as she thought. She grinned and kept going. “He's perfect.”
I shook my head. “I don't think so.”
“Come on, Bree. Why not?”
“Reason number one: I'm not ready to date.” I held up a finger before she could offer any sort of argument against that. “And reason number two: I know what kind of guys you like.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
Mindy and I exchanged glances.
“You do tend to gravitate towards a certain...type,” Mindy said tactfully.