The spare toothbrush I always left in the cabinet was gone.
I made a mental note to buy another one even as I turned on the water and splashed icy wet over my face. It did nothing to cool the heat inside me.
I was still shaking, still unsteady, and still…wanting.
I still wanted him and I wanted to call him.
I didn’t even know his number. I had it somewhere, of course, since part of being Isadora's assistant meant having the numbers of all of the people she might need to contact. Including her brother.
I was also half-sick with worry over Isadora, and if I'd thought the two of us would be able to wait it out together, I would've just asked him to stay. But I knew better.
He couldn’t be around me without wanting to fight with me.
Well, fight me or fuck me.
One or both would put me in a very bad place and I knew it.
He wasn't good for me, no matter how badly I wanted him.
The phone ringing caught me off guard and I let out a startled sound. A quick look at my watch told me that I’d been in the bathroom for nearly twenty minutes.
“Time flies when you’re freaking out,” I muttered.
Grumbling the entire way, I hurried to the landline that sat above my kitchenette counter. I answered it, but didn't get to even finish a hello before my brother was talking.
“Geez, Toni,” Vic said. “I need to talk to you, Vic. It’s urgent. Not now, Vic. I’m tied up. Make up your mind already, why don’t you?”
“Shut it, Vic.” Tired already, I slumped against the counter and stared outside. The sky was so blue, dotted with puffy blue clouds. “So…ummm…”
Even though I couldn’t see him, I already knew I’d just made him suspicious.
“Just spit it out,” he said, sounding annoyed.
Vaguely, I wondered if I'd caught him in his early morning sneak out – his typical way of finishing a hook-up.
Rolling my eyes, I shoved off the counter and tried to find the right way to approach the subject. At twenty-seven, Vic was the youngest of my four older brothers and the one who'd been in and out of trouble since he'd been a kid. Our parents and brothers had tried to keep him out of it, but he was even more stubborn than I was, and that was saying something. I sometimes wondered if it was partially my fault, if my having passed him up in school, always being the smartest kid in the room, if all of that had somehow made him feel like he needed something of his own, even if it meant breaking the law.
After being arrested at eighteen on felony drug charges, he'd served his time and then pulled back from the life. Sort of. He still kept in touch with some of the wrong people and, more importantly, kept his ear to the ground, always hoping he’d find that one thing that would let him make it rich, somehow.
Sadly, the one thing my big brother didn’t want to do was hard work.
I loved him no matter what, but sometimes, he annoyed the hell out of me. Even though he was three years my senior, I sometimes – okay, most of the time – felt like the older sister.
Sighing, I rubbed the back of my neck. He was going to be pissed, but I reminded myself of what was at stake. “You been hanging out with any of your old crowd, Vic?” I asked softly.
He started to make a derisive noise, and I knew he was going to brush me off. I could practically hear the words. He tried to make us all believe he’d left that life behind him, and for the most part, he had. But we all knew better. Try as he might, there were shadows that would always follow him, mostly because he didn’t want to let them go. He just wanted us to believe otherwise.
Too tired to argue it with him, I said, “Don't jerk me around, Vic.”
“What?” His tone was borderline belligerent.
I’d been subconsciously pacing my apartment and found myself at the microscopic fire-escape I’d retrofitted into a mini-balcony. Ducking through the window, I stared out over the streets of the city. “Don't lie, Vic. I'm not looking to lecture you. If that’s how you want to live your life, then…hell, it’s your life. Right now, I just have a question. Yes or no. Have you had a chance to hook up with anybody from that old life?”
If he was at all suspicious, he didn’t let it show. “Well, I guess I might see a few of my old pals down at the bar here and then. I don’t hassle them, they don’t hassle me. It’s easy to just kind of glide on by like that, ya know?”
I reached up to pinch the bridge of my nose. Only my brother could make hanging out at a bar with drug dealers and pimps and members of organized crime sound like he just happened to run into them at the grocery store.
I loved him, but sometimes I wondered about him.
“I need to ask a favor.” I focused on the reason I’d called. It would make it easier not to reach through the phone and slap him. I hoped.
“Yeah? Look, if you’ve got yourself some kind of bleeding heart at one of the places where you volunteer, Toni, I’m not turning on friends.”
“Vic, shut up,” I snapped. My nerves were frayed and I wasn't in the mood for his whole 'honor among thieves' bullshit. “This is important and it’s not about you or me. So listen.”
Something in my voice must've gotten through to him and Victor’s voice gentled as he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“There’s a woman missing. My boss.”
“Isadora Lang.”
“Yeah.”
He sighed. “Why you calling me? You know I’m out of that life, right? I might talk to some friends, but I promised Mom and Dad. I promised all of you that I was done.”
“I know that.” Swallowing the knot in my throat, I brought up a mental image of Isadora. Those stylish black curls and innocent olive green eyes. Her sweet, brilliant smile. “Look, I’ve just got this feeling she was kidnapped. You were in deep for a while with all sorts of people. I'm not accusing you of anything because I know you'd never hurt anyone, but sometimes…well, people talk.”
“Toni…” Vic’s voice was soft. “I’ve been out a long time.”
Feeling defeated, I sagged back against the crumbled brick of my apartment building. I'd been grasping at straws, I knew. A part of me had just been hoping. “I know. I’m worried about her, Victor. She’s like this…she’s sweet and hopeful. She gets excited about pretty flowers in her office. She buys toys for kids in the hospital and group homes and takes them in herself because she loves seeing the the looks on their faces. She's one of the best people I know.”
“Shit, kid.” He was quiet for a moment, and then said, “I'll ask around.”
My relief was so profound that my legs almost gave out.
“I gotta be careful, though. Once the cops start really digging into things, they're going to be looking at everyone close to her and that means you. They find out who you're related to and then it gets out that I've been asking around, they're going to think I had something to do with it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?” Victor laughed humorlessly. “You weren’t the dumbass who thought he could solve all of our money problems by making a drug run. If anybody should say they are sorry, it’s me. You’ll get hassled a lot more on this because of me than you would if some other chump was your brother.”
I half-smiled. “I don’t want some other chump.”
Victor muttered something under his breath, but I heard him anyway and it made my heart hurt.
We ended the phone call a few seconds later, but not before I said, “You’re wrong, you know. I’ve got exactly the brother I deserve. You might still have your flaws, but you turned your life around, Vic.”
***