“Take care.”
“You too.”
As Susan headed out the room, Eve stepped into it. The two woman exchanged a glance. Susan smiled faintly and nodded almost imperceptibly. Eve replied in kind. There was no particular like or dislike in either of their eyes, simply acknowledgement. Eve’s brow creased in a slight wince at the sight of Harlan, as if it hurt her to look at him. She made as if to take his hand, but hesitated. She stared nervously at him, unconsciously touching her belly as she waited for him to speak. “She came to say thank you,” he told her.
“And what does that mean for us?”
“It means I want us to start again, build a new life, maybe in a new place, just the two of us — that’s if you’ll have me.”
The lines faded from Eve’s brow, but her nervousness remained. “Of course I’ll have you,” she began in a soft, almost tentative voice. “I don’t care whether we stay here or move to the other side of the world, just so long as we can be together. But-” She broke off with a little swallow.
Harlan frowned. “But what?”
“Wherever we are it won’t be just the two of us?”
“What do you mean?”
“For an ex-copper, you sure are slow catching on sometimes.” Eve took Harlan’s hand and very gently placed its palm against her stomach.
He stared up at her, feeling hope flicker in the darkness that’d grown like a tumour inside him, but hardly daring to believe it. “You mean…”
“I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant! Was it possible? Or was it the effects of concussion and painkillers playing tricks on him. “How?”
“How do you think? Remember, Harlan, that doctor didn’t say you were infertile, he said you’d find it very difficult to conceive.” Eve smiled. “You look as if you’re wondering whether or not you’re about to wake up. Well don’t worry, you’re not dreaming. This is real. I’m…we’re going to have a baby.”
“A baby.” Suddenly tears filled Harlan’s eyes, and laughter filled his mouth. “We’re going to have a baby!” He pulled Eve to him and kissed her hard and full on the lips.
“Easy, tiger,” she gasped, laughing too.
Harlan eased his embrace. He gently touched Eve’s stomach and softly spoke to it. “Sorry, little baby, Daddy got a bit carried away. I promise it won’t happen again. From now on I’ll handle mummy as if she was made of glass.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m made out of something a lot tougher than glass.”
A look of guilt came into Harlan’s eyes as he thought about everything he’d put Eve through. He started to drop his gaze, but she lifted his chin.
“This isn’t the time for sad thoughts, Harlan. Like you said, this is the time for putting the past behind us and starting fresh. All that other stuff — the grief, the guilt — that’s over with, isn’t it?”
Harlan nodded, wanting to believe she was right, needing to believe it. Tom would always be with him, of course. As would Robert Reed. But maybe he could start to remember the good times with Tom. And maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t feel like tearing his own guts out every time the image of Robert Reed lying on the snowy pavement came into his mind. He kissed Eve again, as gently as a breeze this time. Then he pulled back his sheets and got out of bed.
“What are you doing?” asked Eve.
“What does it look like? I’m discharging myself.”
“But you’re not well enough.”
“I feel great. Better than I have done in years. And besides, I’m not letting either of you out of my sight. This time things are going to be different. No working long hours at a job that sucks me dry. No losing sight of what really matters. This time it’s just going to be the three of us all the way.”
“Sounds wonderful. Unfortunately someone has to go to work and pay the bills.”
“You’re forgetting. I’ve got a couple of hundred thousand quid coming my way. If we’re careful, we should be able to live off that for a good few years.”
“And what about when it runs out?”
Harlan shrugged. “We’ll work something out.”
Eve raised an eyebrow. “Work something out? That doesn’t sound like you, Harlan.”
“Well, maybe this is the new me. And the new me isn’t going to waste a second worrying about money. Hell, when it runs out we could start our own business. Nothing big, just enough to get us by. But for now…” Harlan took Eve’s hands. “For now, let’s get out of the city and go somewhere quiet, somewhere we can lie in the sun and…and pretend the last few years never happened.”
“Okay,” Eve said, with an excited little laugh. “Okay, you’re on. I’ll ring work and hand in my notice.” She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed it, murmuring, “I think I’m going to enjoy spending all my time with the new you.”
Harlan gave her a wry look. “If I were you, I’d reserve judgement on that until we’ve been living in each other’s pockets for a few months.”
Harlan slowly dressed. Even with all the pills, there were pains in almost every nerve of his body. But he didn’t care. Nothing was going to stop him from being with Eve and his unborn child. Nothing.
An hour or so later, all the forms signed and medication doled out, they headed for the car park. Harlan blinked as they stepped outside. The morning seemed so bright, so fresh. He filled his lungs as if starved for air. Eve pointed out her car. He limped towards it, heavy on his feet, but light in his heart, and got into the passenger seat. As Eve negotiated the congested streets, he stared at the city, seeing the dirt and hustle, but not seeing it. He felt in a kind of daze. Suddenly, in the space of two moments, the life that’d been taken away from him had been returned. It was almost too much to take in. He kept replaying the moments. I want you to be happy… I’m pregnant… I want you to be happy… I’m pregnant…Susan and Eve’s voices went round and round in his head until they blended and became indistinguishable, forming a perfect circle of proof — proof that life was worth it, that there was light in the darkness, that a new day really had begun. He almost didn’t want to think about any of it, in case in thinking he found some flaw in the circle.
Harlan started at the sound of his phone. He took it out and a little squeeze of anxiety pressed against his chest when he saw who was calling.
“Who is it?” asked Eve.
“Jim.”
As if infected by his unease, Eve said quickly, “Don’t answer it.”
“It might be important.”
Eve shot Harlan a glance, her eyes intense, almost pleading. Her hand dropped to her belly. “ This is important. This is the most important thing in the world.”
She was right, he knew. And in a way he felt instinctively, but didn’t quite comprehend at that moment, that was why he had to answer the phone. Eve’s blue eyes winced as he put it to his ear and asked, “What is it, Jim?”
His ex-partner’s voice came back down the line, low and apologetic. “It’s Jones.”
The squeezing became a painful weight. Hang up, his mind screamed. But the phone remained pressed to his ear as if glued there. “What about him?”
“He got out today.”
“What do you mean, got out?”
“They discharged him from hospital. We’ve got nothing to hold him on. No forensics. Nash is still saying nothing. I’m so sorry, Harlan. I tried, I really tried, but…” Jim trailed off into a sigh of utter dejection.
As he listened, Harlan closed his eyes. With every word, the circle was crumbling, the future receding, the gap growing between his dreams of a bright new beginning and the bitter realities of his past. He suddenly felt a fool for allowing himself to hope that he could escape the darkness. There was no escape. Not now. Not ever. There was only wilful blindness. Better to face it full on, embrace it, use it. “No need to apologise, it’s not your fault.” His voice was flat, toneless, making it difficult to tell whether he meant what he said. He meant it. It wasn’t Jim’s fault, it was the system’s. The system had failed him. It had failed Jamie Sutton. But worst of all, it had failed his unborn child. The thought of it being born into a world where William Jones walked free made his stomach churn with rage.