“Maybe you should just hold on to that,” his daddy cautioned, “before you say something you can’t take back.”
“I’ve held on to it too long already.” Don took a deep breath and asked God to stand beside him while he spoke. “When Joanie was pregnant with Joshua, I was so afraid of becoming a father because I didn’t know how to be one. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to love him enough. I was afraid we weren’t going to have anything in common.”
“You didn’t have no cause to think that way.”
“Didn’t I?” Don couldn’t believe it when he stepped up onto the porch. “You raised Shel and me, but you haven’t been the best father you could have. Half the time-especially after Mama died-I don’t think you even cared.”
“Yet here you are,” Tyrel said. “Standing on your own two feet and telling me man-to-man what’s on your mind.”
“You weren’t there, Daddy. You weren’t there when my children were born. You weren’t there when I was scared to death I didn’t know how to take care of them. You weren’t there when Shel shipped off to the Marines. You weren’t there when most of his unit had gotten killed in the Gulf War and the Marines thought he was dead too.” Tears stung Don’s eyes and he let them flow.
“I think maybe it’s time you went on home,” Tyrel said quietly. “You’re getting too worked up. You’re worried about your brother, and that’s understandable.”
“You know when I realized how little of a father you’d been?” Don asked. His voice was so tight with emotion he almost couldn’t speak.
“Don-”
“When I held Joshua in my arms the first time,” Don said. “That’s when. I held my son and realized how good it made me feel. That’s when I realized how much Shel and I had missed growing up.”
“I never cut and run on you boys,” Tyrel grated. His voice was tight with some emotion too, but Don didn’t know exactly what it was. “I was there every day. Putting in time on this ranch. Making sure you had a roof over your heads, plenty of food on the table, and clothes on your back.”
“There’s more to being a father than that, Daddy.”
Tyrel pushed up out of the rocking chair. Don felt afraid for just a moment. He’d seen the deep anger that resided in his daddy. Tyrel had never turned those hard hands on his sons, but Don had always thought it was possible. Although since Tyrel had never flattened Shel while he was growing up, maybe it wasn’t. Because Shel had sorely tried his patience.
“You know the biggest thing I was afraid of when Joanie was pregnant?” Don asked in a quieter voice. “I was afraid I was going to be you. I didn’t want any child of mine to grow up with a daddy like I had.”
“It’s time for you to go,” his daddy said. “You need to get some sleep if you’re gonna catch a plane outta here in the morning.”
Don tried to think of something else to say and couldn’t. Helplessly, he watched his daddy walk to the front door, enter, and lock the door behind him. The house was completely dark inside.
Although he thought about going to the door and demanding to be let in, Don knew that wouldn’t do any good. Tyrel was through talking, and when that happened, there was nothing else to be done.
In the quiet darkness on the porch, Don took a deep breath and wondered if he’d destroyed what little remained of the fragile connection he had with his daddy. He tried to tell himself that he’d be better off.
Shel had walked away from their daddy for the most part. He only stopped in often enough to remember why he’d left home.
“Daddy,” Don said loud enough to be heard through the closed door, “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. But I’m not sorry I said what I said.”
There was no answer from the darkened house.
After a few more moments, when he was sure his daddy wouldn’t be answering, Don turned and walked back to his car. He stood beside it for just a moment and bowed his head in prayer.
God, you want me to honor my mother and my father. You have to know how difficult this is. Please show me how, because I can’t find a way on my own.
Lifting his head, Don got into his car and drove back toward home. There was a lot to be done by morning.
›› Interview Room
›› Federal Bureau of Investigation Field Office
›› Charlotte, North Carolina
›› 0017 Hours
Victor sat motionless and stared at the one-way mirror. Occasionally he took note of his reflection, but there was nothing there he wanted to see.
He kept seeing Bobby Lee.
As he sat there, Victor tried to assess how he felt. He hadn’t tried to do anything like that in years. Normally he didn’t bother. Normally there was enough whiskey, drugs, and women at hand that he didn’t need to feel much of anything. He’d always operated on instinct.
Instinct is the survival of the species, Victor told himself. Having kids is part of it.
Only someone had gunned down his kid.
When he’d seen the EMTs walk the big man out of the tattoo shop and seen all the blood gushing out of him, Victor had known the man was in trouble. Only an artery pumped like that.
Personally, Victor hoped the man died. But in case he didn’t, Victor had memorized his face. If the man lived, retribution was going to be swift and final. It didn’t matter who he was. Some other father was going to lose his son too.
The door opened, and Urlacher entered.
Victor didn’t even glance at the FBI agent. He kept track of him in the mirror.
“Don’t know what you’re doing here, supercop,” Victor said. “The deal’s off. It died with my boy.”
“That’s not how I see it,” Urlacher said.
Victor grinned slow and easy. “Then you need to get your eyes checked.”
Urlacher sat at the table. “You’re still in a world of hurt. You aren’t free of me yet.”
“If you could make anything stick, we wouldn’t be in here talking, would we?”
With a tired sigh, Urlacher leaned back in his chair.
“Do you really think all your fed bosses are going to let you just hang around here trying to trip me up?” Victor asked.
Urlacher didn’t answer.
“I don’t think so. Especially not as deep as you like to run personnel on a job.”
“Are you just talking to hear yourself?”
Victor grinned again, even though he didn’t truly feel like it. “I was going to offer your undercover buddy a deal tonight. Before you decided to be a hard case about it. Maybe you’re ready to listen to that now.”
“I’m here about the opium that’s showing up in North Carolina.”
“There’s a Salvadoran gang running opium through North Carolina.” Victor shook out a cigarette, the first one he’d had since he’d been returned to the interview room. He lit up and dragged a deep lungful. “Maybe taking them down would be enough to satisfy the people you’re banging heads for.”
Urlacher seemed to contemplate that for a moment. “What Salvadoran gang?”
“Mara Salvatrucha,” Victor said. “They named themselves after some kind of army ant. Whatever they are, they’re mucho trouble. You interested in them, supercop?”
“You don’t get your opium from them.”
Victor grinned. “I don’t deal in opium. Don’t know where you get that idea.”
“It’s more than an idea.”
“Then prove it. Arrest me. Let me call my lawyer. Then I’ll be out of here as soon as he posts bail for me. And whatever you get some DA to charge me with, my attorney’s going to beat. Then we’ll turn around and sue you for false arrest. It’ll make a nice retirement package.”
Urlacher frowned. “I’ve heard of the Mara Salvatrucha. They also call themselves MS-13.”
“One of the most notorious gangs operating out there right now,” Victor agreed. “Those guys are big-time hard-core. They’ll bury you soon as look at you.” He knew that from personal experience; they’d already crossed paths a couple times, and blood had spilled like water. “They’ve even got themselves a History Channel special.”
“What do you have?”
“I got names. Places. Players. Routes they use to bring cargo in from Houston right up Interstate 35, then out Interstate 40 to here. If I give you what I got here, then you can follow the play back there and bring down some major players.”