I cocked my head to the side so as to allow her better access then said, “It was already over the minute it started, Felicity. Calling nine-one-one would have just raised questions we can’t answer. Like, why I’m covered in blood but don’t have any injuries for one thing.”
“You should probably still see a doctor.”
“And what do I say? I’m a pint low but I don’t know where it went?”
“There’s still a spot here that looks irritated,” she said, apparently ignoring me again. “I’m pretty sure that’s where it was.”
“Was,” I repeated. “Like I just told you… It’s not there anymore. Besides, I’ve been rubbing my neck all morning because of the pain. I’m not surprised it looks irritated.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“Not really.”
“Not really? What’s that mean?”
“It means it isn’t hurting like it was earlier,” I explained. “It just burns a little I guess. But like you said, it’s irritated.”
“Well…” she murmured, gingerly pressing her fingers around the spot on my neck as if she expected it to erupt once again. “I don’t see anything else, and you aren’t cold anymore.”
“See… It’s over… So, can I just go ahead and take a shower?”
“I suppose… But I’m none too happy about this.”
“Trust me, honey, I’m not falling all over myself about it either, but what’s done is done.”
“What if it happens again?”
“We deal with it, I guess.”
“And what if I’m not there to stop it?”
“You mean the bleeding?” I shrugged. “I wouldn’t worry about that.”
“Oh?” she said, raising both eyebrows. “And why not then?”
“Like I said, the spirit just wanted my attention. It’s not like she would let me bleed out or anything. I’m no good to her dead.”
“I think you’re giving her too much credit, Rowan.”
“Why?”
“Because if she was that smart she’d know I’m about ready to put her arse in a shoebox with a pound of salt and bury her in the back yard.”
“Very funny.”
“It wasn’t a joke.”
I shook my head. “Do you really want to take that chance? You know what happened the last time either of us tried a binding.”
“On each other, yes. What about on them?”
“You can’t seriously plan on binding every spirit that tries to communicate with me.”
“Watch me.”
“Felicity…”
“ Damnu, I’m serious, Rowan,” she said, tossing the cloth into the sink then turning and leaning back against the vanity next to me. “What do we do about this?”
“I don’t know,” I offered with a sigh. “Like I said, I guess we just take it as it comes.”
She snorted. “That’s not much of a plan now, is it? You know you can’t function like this.”
“Why not?” I asked, giving her a shrug. “That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing for several years now.”
“I know,” she replied, casting her gaze at the floor and letting her voice drop. “But…”
I waited for the rest of the sentence; however, she simply allowed the quiet to close in.
“But what?” I finally asked.
She audibly took in a deep breath then looked up at me. “I wonder if maybe I’m asking too much of you then.”
“How so?”
“You haven’t any control over this… I know that. Maybe I shouldn’t be asking you to fight it. Maybe you should just let it happen.”
“That’s an unexpected about-face,” I replied.
“Maybe that’s how it has to be.”
“I really don’t see that as an option.” I shook my head to punctuate the statement. “Besides, the way I remember it, this was a mutual decision. I don’t want this happening to me any more than you do.”
“Are you certain of that?”
I shrugged. “Okay, I’ll admit there was a time when I thought I had no choice but to accept it as my fate, but now I just don’t know.” I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead as I breathed a heavy sigh of my own. “Right now, all I can say is I’m tired, sweetheart. I’m just…tired.”
“I know… But when you don’t fight it… When you let them in it isn’t as bad. Not like this…”
“I’m not so sure that’s true.”
“I am…” she replied, nodding. “I’m not saying it’s good when you let them in. It isn’t… I’ve grown to hate it… But now it seems to be worse when you fight them, and I’m afraid it won’t get any better.”
“Maybe it will, in time. Let’s just give it awhile,” I said, trying to soothe her. “If I ignore her long enough maybe she’ll finally get the message and leave me alone for good.”
“And what about the next one? And the next?”
“If this works then maybe there won’t be anymore.”
“Do you really believe that then?”
“I have to hope it will work out that way,” I answered, avoiding any commitment that might come back to haunt me.
“But you know it won’t, don’t you?”
I wanted to say no, but I had a sick feeling that she was correct. Besides, it didn’t matter any longer. Even if I gave in to the urge and lied, my hesitation had already told her the real answer.
“That’s what I thought,” she whispered. “Go on, take a shower then. I’ll heat up that tea.”
With the exception of a lingering fatigue, the rest of my day was uneventful. Felicity made it a point to never allow me out of her line of sight, but I could definitely think of worse things to endure. In fact, it was nice to actually spend some time together instead of being cloistered away in our separate home offices. Of course, it would have been more enjoyable if it hadn’t been obvious that she was expecting me to once again start bleeding profusely at any moment.
However, by evening, she had relaxed considerably and so had I. The irritated spot on my neck remained sore, and the ethereal thump in the back of my head was still making itself known, but provided they didn’t get any worse, those were both things with which I could easily cope.
Under the circumstances, everything was fine.
The only thing I couldn’t explain is why, when I went to sleep that night, I dreamt of a moonlit lake, the bank of which was blemished with the corpse of a single black swan.
CHAPTER 8:
“Gant Consulting,” I said into the handset as I leaned back in my chair. “This is Rowan speaking.”
I had grabbed the phone on the first ring. Customarily I didn’t get to it before the second at least, and usually not even before the third. But business wasn’t exactly booming right now, so when the bell began to peal I hadn’t been deeply involved in anything that needed my undivided attention.
Truth be told, the lack of work was a good thing at the moment. I’d awakened this morning with the haunting vision of the dead swan still flashing in my head, and it hadn’t yet faded. If anything, it had intensified. That was bad enough in itself, but the imagery was also coupled with an odd, jittery sensation that had only grown worse as the day wore on. Dealing with those aggravations was keeping me more than a little preoccupied, so concentration definitely wasn’t one of my strengths right now. In fact, I’d been having enough trouble staying focused on the game of solitaire that was now sitting idle on my screen. If real work had been involved, I would be worthless.
“Yo, white man,” Ben’s voice buzzed from the earpiece in response to my businesslike greeting.
I pulled off my glasses and laid them on the desk before allowing the chair to rock all the way back on its springs. I reached up and began massaging the bridge of my nose with my free hand as a quiet sigh escaped. On top of the nervous agitation, yesterday’s dull headache was still living somewhere around the base of my skull, and it had been randomly sending out raiding parties to the front of my brain all morning. I seriously doubted it was a coincidence that one of those infiltrators had just now managed to dig in and set up a forward base camp right behind my eyes.
To be honest, I couldn’t say I was all that surprised to hear my friend on the other end of the line. In fact, more than once this morning I had almost been the one to dial the phone. I kept telling myself it would just be to see if he had the name of Annalise’s attorney for me yet; but deep down I knew better than that, which is why I never followed through. I couldn’t help but harbor a conscious fear that there was an underlying motive for me to make the call and that if I did so, I would fall into the trap of talking to him about his current homicide investigation. In my mind it was a tossup as to which one of us would be first to broach the subject, but I definitely didn’t want it to be me. If I did it, then that just meant I had caved, and the spirit world would have gained yet another foothold in my life.