“He stays,” I said quickly. “I need to hear what both of you think.”
“About your love life?” Ansel teased.
“You know I’m not above biting you-” I started, and instantly regretted my words.
His eyes clouded for a minute, but he forced a smile. “I’ll just muzzle you if you start acting like a rabid animal.”
“Enough,” Bryn interrupted. “Time for serious. What’s on your mind?”
Who’s on my mind is the better question.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just feel… confused.”
“About what?” Bryn lowered her voice. “About sleeping with Shay? Do you think it was a mistake?”
I blushed, glancing at Ansel. He was grinning like a fool again.
“No,” I said. “I’m not sorry. But I don’t know that it really changed anything.”
Ansel’s grin faded. “You’re saying you want to be with Ren?”
“Did you ever want to be with Ren?” Bryn peered at me like I was a specimen under a microscope. My skin felt hot, uncomfortable, and I didn’t think it was the warmth of the sun causing it.
“I never gave it much thought,” I said, edging away from her, trying to give myself room to breathe. “I just always assumed I’d be with him.”
“But Shay-” Bryn said slowly.
“You said you loved him.” Ansel’s words sounded almost like an accusation.
“I do.” I met his gaze, knowing the price he’d paid for that love. “I didn’t lie about that, An. I love Shay. I want to be with him.”
“So what’s the problem?”
I curled my fingers around the side of the stone bench. “I don’t know if he belongs with me.” When I said it out loud, my heart gave an unpleasant thud, like a stone dropping against my rib cage.
“I don’t understand,” Bryn said. “He loves you. It’s obvious.”
“I know,” I said. “But he’s the Scion. I think… I think it might be changing him.”
Bryn tilted her head. “He was different? After he got the sword?”
I nodded. An awkward silence settled on us, broken only by the sound of birds chirping above our heads and the rustle of leaves in the breeze.
“I never thought about that,” Ansel said finally.
Bryn couldn’t meet my gaze. “Me neither.”
I bit my lip, taking a long, slow breath. “So what do I do?”
“Do you still want Ren?”
I listened to my own heartbeat for a minute before answering. “Yes.”
“That’s one hot mess, Cal.” Ansel smiled at me. I almost snapped at him before I realized he was trying to lighten the mood.
“You sound like Mason,” I said, making a weak attempt at laughter.
“Well, he is my best friend,” Ansel said.
Bryn took my hand. “Calla, Ren’s an alpha, but so is Shay. It makes sense that you’d be drawn to both of them. You and Ren have a lot of history, which has to make this even harder.”
“Is there an answer somewhere in there?” I forced myself to laugh, squeezing her fingers.
“She’s telling you there isn’t an answer,” Ansel said, smiling when Bryn blew him a kiss.
“There isn’t an answer?” I couldn’t figure out why they looked so happy. This was what they considered helping me? Then I remembered: they were still basking in puppy love. Why couldn’t I have puppy love? I only seemed to have “I can’t decide if I want to rip your throat out or kiss you” love. Ugh.
“There isn’t an answer yet,” Ansel continued. “Ren and Shay both love you. They both could be your mate.”
“That doesn’t mean they both will be your mate.” Bryn giggled. “I don’t think they’re that kinky… but you might be able to talk them into it.”
“Bryn!” I shoved her off the bench.
“Nice one.” Ansel doubled over laughing.
“I hate you guys,” I said, still mortified. “No wonder I don’t talk about my feelings.”
“You don’t hate us.” Bryn smiled. “You love us. And we love you.”
“We always will, Calla,” Ansel said. “We can’t tell you the answer because you’re the only one who can figure this out. You have to choose.”
“Though I’d try to hold off until this war sorts itself out,” Bryn said. “If Ren is fitting in with the Searchers, we can’t afford to lose him. And Shay-well, if he leaves, the war is over before it starts.”
“I know,” I said. I guessed I was stuck in the same place as I’d been since Shay first appeared in my life, caught between two loves, two destinies. And it didn’t look like I’d be getting out of this fix for a while.
“But we’ll be here for you,” Bryn continued. “We love you no matter what you decide.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“Those guys can duke it out forever,” Ansel said. “But you’re our one and only, Cal. You’re the alpha.”
This time I couldn’t stop it. Tears snuck out of the corner of my eyes.
“Hey, look.” Ansel smiled. “She really does have feelings!”
“Shut up.” I laughed, brushing the streaks of salt water off my cheeks. “And thanks.”
“No problem.” He stood up. He was still smiling, but his gaze had a hard edge. I was still puzzling over his expression when I heard Tess shout.
“Who’s thirsty?” She waved, beckoning to us and pointing toward a wrought-iron gazebo.
“That doesn’t look like lemonade,” Bryn said. “That looks like a picnic.”
“Tess rocks.” Ansel ran toward the promise of lunch, forsaking us for the good of his stomach.
Bryn put her arm around my waist. “He’s really getting better. I think it’s going to be okay.”
“Good,” I said, leaning my head on her shoulder.
For the first time in a long, long while my heart unclenched, my muscles relaxed. I didn’t know where love would lead me, but my pack would always be at my side. More than anything else, that was what mattered.
PART II
WATER
NINE
PLANS FOR RETRIEVING Eydis-the water hilt-were already in motion. The Roving Academy’s halls were buzzing with excitement. Even the threads in the walls seemed to sparkle a bit brighter, as if lit with hope after our successful retrieval of the first sword.
“Eydis is in the Yucatán.” Ren was walking beside me after dinner. “They’re setting up our staging ground with the Eydis Guide-her name is Inez. The hideout is in Tulúm. Anika thinks we all need a good night’s sleep before making the next strike. So we’re leaving tomorrow afternoon.”
“Not the morning?” I asked.
He shook his head. “She said something about the tides not being right. I didn’t quite follow.”
“So I guess you’ve become the Guardian point person for the Searchers,” I said. “Nice work, alpha.”
“Thanks.” He smiled, but caught me with a sidelong glance. “That okay with you?”
“It’s who you are,” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. “And the more Searchers that trust us, the better.”
“Agreed.”
In the space of hours we’d been back, I’d already noticed the change rippling through the Academy. Prior to the strike on Tordis most Searchers had eyed me with curiosity at best, outrage at worst. Now that outrage had become curiosity while the curiosity had grown into outright admiration. A few Searchers had even stopped me in the hall to thank me for joining them. I was a little thrown by all of it.
Ren stopped walking; I frowned at him and then realized we were standing in front of my door.
“This is you,” he said in a tight voice. I wondered how he knew where my room was. Had he just noted my lingering scent at this spot, or had he taken the time to find out where I was staying?
“Sleep, huh?” I avoided his gaze. “Well, I’m exhausted, so I’ll be happy to follow Anika’s orders.”
“Calla, I have to ask you something.”