“How are you doing?” I asked. “How’s Maria?”
“She told me she called you, and that you showed her how to control her dreamscape.” Her laugh sounded sad. “Want to show me, too?”
I waited.
“I can’t stop dreaming about that night. It’s like a looped tape that plays endlessly, over and over and over and over . . .” She pounded her fists on the arms of her chair. Then she closed her eyes and rocked for a few minutes. She stopped and looked at me.
“I talked to Mom,” she said.
“What did she say?”
“That you should pick up a phone once in a while.”
“She’s right.” I’d intended to call Mom and ask her to talk with Gwen about Maria, but events had gotten in the way. But events always do that, even when you’re not stopping a murderer. They were no excuse. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“She also said that Maria’s not my baby anymore. That I should give her time, let her explore and make her own decisions. Like she did for us.”
“She did pretty well with her kids. Both of us.”
Gwen lay her head back, as if she were looking at the sky. “Mab’s gone?”
“I took her to the airport last night.”
She nodded and rocked a few minutes more. “Too many things are changing—Maria, my feelings, even the past.” She shook her head in bemusement. “You’d think the past, at least, would stay put. How on earth did that woman manage to change it?”
“She didn’t. She just showed you something you missed at the time.”
“I know. And I even know it’s the truth. Gut-level.” She smiled distantly. “I may have lost shapeshifting when I became a mother, but I gained intuition.”
Silence settled again.
“I can’t let go of the past all at once, Vicky.”
I thought about Myrddin’s curse on Mab, how she carried the pain of her sister’s death with her through time. “But you can let it go eventually. Just do it a little at a time.”
“Should I have said good-bye to her? I thought about it. I had the keys in my hand to drive to that farewell party before I chickened out.”
In that corner of my mind, my sense of Mab stirred, like she could feel Gwen’s regret. “I don’t think she’s bothered you didn’t say good-bye. I think she’d rather you start with hello.”
Later, after Gwen had gone, a dream unfolded in my dreamscape. I didn’t try to shape or control it. I just let it happen. It was a simple dream. Mab stood beside me. Then Gwen appeared on my other side, holding Maria’s hand. Four Cerddorion women, each one different, but standing together and looking forward, not back.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nancy Holzner grew up in western Massachusetts with her nose stuck in a book. This meant that she tended to walk into things, wore glasses before she was out of elementary school, and forced her parents to institute a “no reading at the dinner table” rule. It was probably inevitable that she majored in English in college and then, because there were still a lot of books she wanted to read, continued her studies long enough to earn a master’s degree and a PhD.
She began her career as a medievalist, then jumped off the tenure track to try some other things. Besides teaching English and philosophy, she’s worked as a technical writer, freelance editor, instructional designer, college admissions counselor, and corporate trainer.
Nancy lives in upstate New York with her husband, Steve, where they both work from home without getting on each other’s nerves. She enjoys visiting local wineries and listening obsessively to opera. There are still a lot of books she wants to read.
Visit Nancy’s Web site at www.nancyholzner.com.
Ace Books by Nancy Holzner
DEADTOWN
HELLFORGED
BLOODSTONE