“Fine.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute, but I could tell he was glancing over at me.
“You’re quiet today. Is something wrong?”
“No.”
“Was it something Elise did?”
And then my worst fear came true. I cried. A lot. I rummaged through my backpack for a tissue. Why, I asked myself, hadn’t I worn my waterproof mascara today?
The car stopped. I looked up and saw we were at a neighborhood park.
“Why are we here?”
“I thought you might want to talk about it.”
What I wanted was to go home and wash mascara off my cheeks. I attempted to do it with the tissue.
“It’s something stupid,” I said.
“Of course it is. If it involves Elise, stupidity is a given.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“I’ve lived with Elise for a long time, I’ll understand.” He leaned against his door so he could face me. “Besides, I can’t take you home looking like that. Your dad already doesn’t like me.”
“My dad doesn’t like you?” I kept wiping the mascara off my cheeks. “What are you talking about?”
“Whenever he sees me out walking our dog, he looks at me funny. Like he’s gritting his teeth.”
“He does not.”
“I can’t say I blame him. With Elise as a sister, people naturally question my morals. Besides,” he made a sweeping motion over himself, “with looks like mine, what girl could resist me? Fathers naturally want to lock up their daughters.”
I knew he was trying to make me smile, but I didn’t. I checked the car’s mirror to make sure the mascara smudges were gone. They were, along with all other traces of makeup. I looked terrible.
“What did she do?” Josh asked. “And was any of it illegal?”
I leaned back in the seat. “I guess Elise will tell you, if I don’t.” I didn’t say anything else for a minute. I tried to think how best to word it without making me sound like a total loser.
“You know that guy Elise was with?”
“Chad something-er-other, right?”
“Chad Warren. And the thing is, I’ve liked him since I was in eighth grade. Elise knew that.”
“You like Chad Warren?” Josh said this like it was a disease.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“I understand. I’m just surprised. I can’t picture you with Chad Warren.”
“Well you don’t have to try hard,” I said stiffly, “because it obviously isn’t going to happen.”
“No. I meant I thought you had better taste.”
I put the wadded up tissue in my backpack. “And what’s wrong with Chad?”
“The guy is full of himself. He’s a jerk.”
I zipped my backpack shut. “You don’t know anything about him.”
“Guys hear other guys talk. I’ve been in the weight room with him before. Trust me, he’s a jerk.”
I folded my arms.
“You wouldn’t think so highly of him if you ever heard him carrying on in the locker room.”
“Why? What did he say?”
Josh opened his mouth, then shut it again. “I can’t say that sort of thing to you. But look, if you like Chad so much, you don’t have to worry. Elise goes through guys quickly. Three months tops, and he’ll be back on the scamming scene.”
But that wasn’t the problem. “Elise knew I liked him. I’m supposed to be her friend. Hundreds of guys go to PHS. Why did she pick him?”
“Because she’s Elise.”
“All I’ve ever done is be nice to her, and she did this to me.”
Josh watched me in a half-amazed, half-questioning way. He really didn’t understand.
“Look,” I said. “I appreciate you always giving me rides, but I don’t think I’ll need them anymore.”
“Because of Chad?”
“Because of Chad and Elise.”
He turned on the car and pulled into the street. “If that’s the way you want it.”
I knew he was mad at me, or at least disappointed, but what did he expect me to do? Hang around Elise so I could hear the details of her relationship with Chad? Tag along so I could be a third wheel? I pictured Elise telling Chad about my crush on him. They’d both laugh about it. That was the worst thought of all.
We came to my house and I got out of the car.
“See you around, Cassidy.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
I went straight to my room and cried again.
I tried to look normal when it was time to help with dinner. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, then reapplied makeup. It was hard to do because my eyes were puffy. They were also bloodshot, and no amount of eye shadow made them look otherwise. I knew it wouldn’t slip by my parents. I knew it, and yet I still tried to hide the evidence of my crying stint. While I set the table, I gazed down a lot.
First Mom glanced at the floor to see what I was looking at. Then she looked at me.
“Is there something wrong?”
“No.”
“Then how come you won’t look at me?”
I looked at her.
“What happened to your eyes?”
“Nothing. I’ve become a drug user, that’s all.”
Her face grew worried. “You’ve been crying haven’t you? What’s wrong, honey?”
I told her the whole story. I knew I sounded pathetic, getting so upset about a guy who’d never been interested in me. I didn’t want to be pathetic or feel the way I felt, but I didn’t know how to stop.
Mom gave me a hug, a this-too-shall-pass pep talk, and the car keys. She said I could drive to school for the next couple of weeks.
By the time dinner ended, I was finally feeling better and in control of my emotions again. I sat down with my homework and managed to concentrate on it instead of endlessly reliving those moments in the parking lot. I would be fine without Elise. Things would just return to the way they were before she moved in. I could handle having one less friend. I’d done it before, hadn’t I?
At eight o’clock the doorbell rang. A few moments later my father called, “Cassidy, you’ve got company.”
I both wanted and didn’t want it to be Elise. I trudged downstairs. Josh was standing by the door, his hands thrust into his jacket pockets. My father stood next to him. And Josh was right—Dad did look a bit like he was gritting his teeth. But when I got there, Dad walked off toward the kitchen, leaving Josh and I alone.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
Hadn’t we already? What was there left to say? And why hadn’t he just called my cell phone? I knew he had my number. He’d programmed it into his phone when he’d first started giving me rides. “Sure,” I said and showed him into the living room.
Josh sat down in the loveseat, and I sat down on the corner of the couch closest to him.
He fixed me with his gaze. “I don’t think you should let some jerky guy ruin your friendship with Elise.”
I kept my voice light. “Well, I wasn’t taking a vote, but your opinion is duly noted.”
“Elise says she didn’t do it on purpose. She says she didn’t try to hurt your feelings.”
“You talked to her about it?” Until that moment it hadn’t occurred to me that Josh would tell Elise about the car ride home, and I dreaded the thought of him being my advocate. He didn’t understand Chad, he didn’t understand my feelings, and he certainly didn’t understand the ins and outs of girls’ friendships.
“I chewed her out,” Josh said. “Now she won’t speak to me because it’s obvious I’d rather have you than her for a sister.”
“You didn’t tell her I cried, did you?”
He didn’t say anything.
I tilted my head back and groaned. “How could you? What if she tells Chad?” I put my hand over my eyes. “I want to die.”
“She won’t tell Chad. She’s not trying to upset you.”
“Right.”
“Look, just talk to Elise. She doesn’t want to lose your friendship.”
“Obviously.”
“No guy is worth ending a friendship for.”