Josh ignored his sister. “The whole problem,” he said, “was that Courtney comes from a small family. She hasn’t dealt with younger brothers and sisters. The next girl I date has to be from a big family. Four kids at least.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier,” I said, “to find someone who knows how to skate?”
Josh ignored me, too. “Who do we know that has a big family? How many brothers and sisters does Annie Hillard have?”
Annie was one of the popular girls in the junior class. “Two,” I said, “but they’re older.”
“No good. How about that girl who always texts me—Ginnie Anderson?”
Ginnie Anderson was student body president. She texted him? “She has a brother who’s a sophomore.”
“That won’t work.”
I shifted in my seat to see him better. “Why don’t you just date who you like?”
He never took his eyes off the road. “I could like a lot of different people. I have to be logical about it to find someone compatible.”
“What about that magic moment?” I asked. “What about chemistry?”
“Yeah, right. What I need is someone who understands why Cheerios are ground into the seats of my car.”
“People from small families can be understanding too,” I insisted. “If someone likes you, she’ll overlook Cheerio crumbs.”
“But she might be emotionally scarred after meeting my family. A girl with a lot of brothers and sisters would understand why we can’t have any privacy at my house and why I can’t afford to take her anywhere else most of the time.”
I put my hand to my ear. “What did you say? I can’t understand you. I’m sibling impaired.”
“Logic, pure and simple,” Josh emphasized.
I turned to Elise. “Are all men like this?”
“Thankfully, no. Some are romantic.”
“None of us are romantic,” Josh said. “Some of us pretend to be for your benefit. It’s all logic.”
* * *
School went on like it had before, with the exception that Elise stopped eating at my table. She ate with Chad. The first lunch period she did this, Caitlin and Faith hated her on my behalf until I assured them repeatedly that it was all right.
A week later a junior named Tim asked me out. He played JV football and seemed nice. It wasn’t until I was actually on the date with him that I realized we had absolutely nothing in common. All he talked about was sports. I thought if I had to hear one more touchdown story, I’d slap him.
I tried to change the subject a couple of times. On the way home in the car, I asked if he were a Republican or a Democrat. He didn’t know. He wasn’t even sure what his parents were. They’d had a bumper sticker for somebody during the last election, but he couldn’t recall the name.
“Did it have an elephant or a donkey on the sticker?” I asked.
He looked at me blankly, “No.”
“Those are the signs for the parties,” I said.
He craned his head back and forth to look out both windows. “What parties? I didn’t see any signs.”
“No. I meant the elephant and the donkey are symbols for the political parties.”
“Oh yeah, we learned about that in American history. Has something to do with the stock market, right?
“No, you’re thinking of the bull and the bear.”
He smiled at me patronizingly. “Now you’re confused. The Bulls and the Bears are sports teams. Hey, did you catch the last Bears game? The defense made an awesome tackle. It was second down four yards to go . . .”
I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but at that moment I missed Bob.
When I got home, Mom asked me how my date went.
“This is why women become nuns,” I said.
“The next guy to come along will be better,” Mom assured.
The next guy to ask me out was a sophomore named Doug. Sadly, he wasn’t better—just different. He kept texting during dinner and the movie. I had the suspicion he was posting date updates. He tried to kiss me on my doorstep, but I let myself inside before he could succeed. I’d never been kissed before—not a real kiss—and I didn’t want my first time to be with a guy who’d announce the event to the world fifteen seconds after it happened.
Occasionally I saw Elise in the hallway with Chad, but I went out of my way to avoid her at those times. I was afraid that if I talked to them, Chad would gaze down and give me a “knowing look,” which would mean he knew I had a crush on him. I didn’t want to face that head-on; it was easier from a distance. When he smirked about my affections, I didn’t want to be there to see it.
A lot of the time Elise didn’t ride home with us. Josh insisted on taking me home anyway, but I felt bad making him do it. Occasionally I’d ask how his logical dating theory was going. He’d shrug and tell me about the latest catastrophe. With every bad date, his list of requirements for a girlfriend grew. Not only did she have to come from a large family, she also had to be able to carry on a conversation without using the word like twenty times a minute; she had to have a sense of humor about little brothers who run through the house shooting Nerf missiles; and she couldn’t be frightened by large German shepherds who had tendencies to pounce on visitors. All in all, he wasn’t having much more luck on the dating front than I was.
The thought did cross my mind that he ought to ask me out. After all, I’d already met his family and his dog. Josh and I talked so easily. And by now he had moved up on my scale to a ten and a half.
But he never asked me out. The closest he ever got to the subject was once when out of the blue he asked, “Do you know that next year when I’m in college you’ll only be a junior?”
“I had realized that, yes.”
“I’ll live out of state, and you’ll be in high school for two more years.” He shook his head. “Two more long years.”
“Is there some point to all this?”
“No, just thinking.” He shook his head again. “Next September I’ll be on my own and you’ll be what, sixteen?”
“You were a sophomore once too, you know.”
“I know,” he said, “but it seems so long ago.”
Once Josh brought Bob home with him. Bob was helping him with some computer programming. After I got in the car, it took me a moment to notice what was different about Bob. Then I had it.
“You got rid of your glasses.”
Bob nodded. “I’ve gone with contacts.”
“They look great.” It wasn’t an idle compliment. Bob had light brown eyes with a touch of gold to them. I’d never really noticed them behind the thick glasses.
“After our homework, Josh and I are going shopping,” Bob said. “He’s making me into a new man.”
“Sounds fun.”
Josh glanced over at me. “We could use a woman’s viewpoint. Do you want to come?”
I eyed Josh suspiciously. “No, I have a report for Spanish to work on, but thanks anyway.”
The next day on the way to school, I grilled Josh about his request. “Are you trying to set Bob and me up? Is that what yesterday was all about?”
“Don’t be vain,” Josh said. “Bob isn’t changing for you. He just wants a new look.”
Elise looked back and forth between us. “What are you guys talking about?”
“If you were ever around, you’d know,” Josh said. “And besides, Cassidy,” he went on, “you ought to see him before you make any judgments. He looks good.”
“You are trying to get us together, aren’t you?” I turned to Elise. “Save me.”
“Don’t worry,” Josh interjected. “Your nose is safe. He won’t ask you out again. He thinks he ruined his chances with you after the first date. But wait until you see him.”
Elise laughed. “And when do we get to see the unveiling of Bob the hottie?”
“We’re working on my program today too, so you can see him after school when he rides home with us.”
“Can’t,” Elise said. “I have plans.”