"I know, Roland," she said. "I know."
"We could carry them," Jamil said.
A thrill of power flowed through the trees. It caught at my heart as if some invisible hand had touched me.
"We must go," Roland said.
"What is your problem?" I asked.
Roland looked at me with eyes that were a nice, solid darkness. "You are," he said. He spoke in a low voice, and it sounded like a threat.
Jamil moved between us so that my view of Roland was almost completely blocked, and I assumed, his view of me.
"Now, children," Marianne said, "play nicely."
"We will miss the ceremony entirely if they do not hurry," Roland said.
"If you were a true lupa," Marianne said, "you could draw energy from your wolves and give it in return like a great recycling battery." It sounded like she'd given this lecture before. I guess every pack needs a teacher. I know ours needed one sorely. I was beginning to realize that we were like children that had been raised by neglectful parents. We were grown-up, but we didn't know how to behave.
"You're psychic enough that you might be able to do it in a small way without being lukoi," Marianne said.
"I don't think I'd call being a necromancer the same thing as being psychic," Jamil said.
Marianne shrugged. "It's all much more alike than most people wish to acknowledge. Many religious groups are comfortable with psychic ability but not with magic. But call it what you will, it's either that or we call some more wolves and throw you across our shoulders."
The real trouble was that I only knew two ways to call power. One was ritual, the other was sex. I'd realized a few months ago that sex could take the place of ritual for me. Not always, and I had to be attracted to the person involved, but sometimes. I didn't really want to admit to strangers that sexual energy was one of the ways I performed magic. Even though no actual sex was involved, it was still embarrassing. Besides, doing anything sexual seemed like putting out the welcome mat for Raina's munin.
How could I explain all this to Marianne without sounding like a slut? I couldn't think of a way to explain it that didn't make me sound bad, so I wasn't going to try.
"Go on without us, Marianne. We'll get there on our own. Thanks, anyway."
She stamped her foot under that flowing gown. "Why are you so reluctant to try, Anita?"
I shook my head. "We can discuss magical metaphysics tomorrow. Right now, why don't you take your wolf and go. We'll get there, slow but sure."
"Let's go," Roland said.
Marianne looked to him, then back to me. "I was told to see if you were a danger to us, and you are not, but I don't like leaving you out here like this. The three of you are weak."
"We'll get over it," I said.
She cocked her head to one side again, hair sweeping like a white veil to frame her face. "Are you planning some sort of magic that you don't wish me to see?"
"Maybe," I said. Truth was, no. No way was I voluntarily touching Jason or Cherry again, not tonight. But if Marianne thought we were going to do something mystical but private, she might go away. I wanted her to go away.
She stood looking at me for nearly a full minute, then finally smiled, dim in the moonlight. "Very well, but do hurry. The others will grow impatient to greet Richard's human lupa. You have everyone's curiosity piqued."
"Glad to hear it. The sooner you go, the sooner we can start."
She turned without another word and started off through the trees. Roland trailed her, then took the lead. We all stood around waiting for Marianne's white dress to grow distant and ghostlike through the forest.
Finally, Jason said, "Start what?"
"Nothing," I said. "I just wanted them gone."
"Why?" Jamil asked.
I shrugged. "I don't want to be carried like a sack of potatoes." I started walking, slow but sure, towards the lupanar.
Jamil fell into step beside me. "Why not try what she was suggesting?"
I walked carefully, paying a lot more attention to my feet than I usually did. "Because outside of raising the dead, I'm still an amateur. It will probably take less time for us to walk to the lupanar than for me to do something mystical."
Jason agreed with me, which made me frown at him, but it was still true. I was like someone with a loaded gun that didn't know how to shoot. I would be struggling to figure out how to undo the safety while the bad guys shot me a million times. About two months ago, the only other necromancer I'd ever met had offered to teach me real necromancy, not this voodoo dabbling I was doing. He'd ended up dead before he could teach me much of anything. Funny how many people ended up dead after they met me. No, I didn't kill him.
Cherry stumbled and went down again. Zane and Nathaniel were just suddenly there, one on either side of her. They helped her stand, hugging each other for a moment. Cherry slipped a hand around the waist of both men, leaning her head for a second on Zane's shoulder. They walked this way through the treacherous dark, Cherry leaning heavily on her fellow wereleopards. There was a camaraderie between them that hadn't been there before. Had I done that? Had just having someone to protect them forged some sort of bond? Or had it been Richard's prickling energy? I had a lot of questions and didn't even know if there was anyone who would know. Maybe Marianne would know, if I decided I could trust her.
Jamil offered me his arm. I waved him away. I knew that Raina had slept with him, and I did not want the memory. "Help Jason," I said.
Jamil looked at me for a second, then went and offered his arm to Jason, who refused the offer. "If Anita doesn't need help, neither do I."
"Don't be a hard case," I said.
"Now, that's the pot calling the kettle black," Jason said.
"If I offered you my arm, you'd take it," I said.
"An excuse to hang all over a pretty girl? Sure." Then he seemed to think about it. "But maybe not tonight. I can't call the munin, but there's something in the air tonight." He shivered, rubbing his hands along his bare arms. "Of all the memories Raina had of me, why that one?"
We were both slowly walking as we talked. "The three things Raina liked best were sex and violence and terrorizing people. Making you lukoi hit all her buttons."
Jason stumbled, fell to his knees, and just stayed that way for a second or two. I waited with him, wondering if I should offer to help him up. "I know you wondered why I never did any of her porno movies."
"I guess. I mean you're not exactly the shy type."
He looked up at me, and even by moonlight, there was a sorrow in his face that was deeper and wider than most people ever saw. He was too young for the look in his eyes, but there it was. Innocence lost.
"I'll always remember the look on her face when she killed me."
"She didn't kill you, Jason."
"She tried. It didn't matter to her whether I lived or died. It really didn't."
That one shared memory, and I couldn't argue with him. Raina's pleasure had been more important to her than his life. Like a serial killer.
Jason hunched in upon himself. "But she was my sponsor, and I had to stay with her until my probation period was over. When I could, I got away."
"Is that why you went to stay with Jean-Claude, as his lapwolf? To escape Raina?"
Jason nodded. "Partly." He looked up suddenly and grinned. "Of course, Jean-Claude is way cool."