“Blue.”
Turning my head, I see Tuck standing in the doorway. When we make eye contact he rushes to my side.
“What the fuck, baby?” He brushes my hair back from my face.
My sobs take over, and even if I wanted to tell him how scared I was, it would never happen.
“Here, baby.” He lifts me up with his strong hands and sets me on the counter. He starts the water in the sink and begins cleaning me up, stopping every once in a while to shoot me a questioning stare, but I don’t answer. When he brushes my teeth, I don’t protest, I just open up.
“Did you forget something?” I ask.
“Aren’t we going to breakfast?”
“I know there wasn’t a team meeting last night.” The words echo in the small bathroom, and they may be more painful than those words on that damn hate mail.
Tuck leans back against the door, running his hands through the back of his hair, not making eye contact with me. His hoodie rises just enough for the burnt piece of his abdomen to show.
“I’m trying, Blue, I’m fucking trying and don’t know what else to do.”
I pound my fists against the countertop. “Just fucking love me, be with me, and fucking protect me. Just love me.”
My voice trails off, and raging emotion that I’ve never felt before leaves my body in tears and sobs. It’s an attack I didn’t see coming and try to hide from it by bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I rock back and forth.
“Stop.”
He places his hands on each side of my face, and then his strong, gentle lips on the top of my head.
“You promised me, Tuck. You said you’d give me all of you.”
“Stop, Blue.”
He forces me to stop rocking, then picks me up from the counter.
“You’re leaving me, aren’t you, Tuck?”
He never answers my question as he places me in his truck, tosses my cheer bag in the back, and hands me my make-up bag. When I look in the mirror, I scramble to put some make-up on. The last thing I need is my parents riding my ass about my puffy eyes and tears. With everything I have, I suck it all back and focus on today. It’s game day, televised, and my parents are here, and Tuck’s here…for now.
By the time Tuck pulls up to the hotel, I have enough make-up slapped on to cover up any emotions that may be lingering on my face. Not one word is spoken between us on the drive over, but just like every single time I ride with him, he holds the door open for me, waiting on me to shuffle across the seat. He takes my hand, and for a moment everything feels like it will be all right in the world.
“Blue.”
The screech pierces my ears before I even fully enter the hotel lobby. My mom is up and on her feet sprinting toward me. You’d think she hadn’t seen me for months rather than last night.
“Momma.” I nod and hug her back.
“Oh my heavens, this must be Tuck.”
He stands frozen in place with his hands resting comfortably in his pockets. By no means did he dress up for the occasion in his black gym shorts, a long sleeve team shirt, and a ball cap, but then I look down to my warm-up suit, and I just shrug.
“Mom, this is Tuck, and Tuck, this is my mom.”
He’s wrapped up in a hug before he has a chance to even smile.
“Welcome to the family,” I joke and look around for Dad. “Where’s Dad, and where are we eating?”
I pull Mom off of Tuck and notice the tears forming in her eyes. The woman has been so damn emotional lately, and I know it’s because she’s homesick for me.
“He’s on a call. He will meet us on the patio in a few.”
I watch in awe as my mom loops her arm through Tuck’s and begins leading the way. He snags my hand, and I follow the two. If you didn’t know any better, we look like the picture of perfection. The eager, overzealous mom about to watch her only child cheer at a college game. The cheerleader with all the looks and zapped confidence. And then Tuck, the gorgeous, dreamy star player who is nothing but perfection. When in reality the two of us are nothing but a train wreck that’s already crashed, and we’re just trying to put the pieces together. The terrifying thing is the pieces will never go back.
Tuck pulls out a chair for my mom. He’s playing her just like a fiddle, and she’s eating up every second of it. I wait for him to sit by her and leave me standing and staring, but he doesn’t. With his back to my mom, he whispers in my ear, “I’m here, Blue. You’re not. You might want to wake up and enjoy this.”
His words catch me off guard, and I pull back and look into his eyes, searching for the punch line to his joke.
“I’m doing my best. I love you, Blue, and that’s the only reason I’m here.”
“Sit, kids.”
Peering over my shoulder, I see my mom’s curious and beaming face. I place a quick kiss on his lips and repeat those three words back to him.
“I love you.”
Tuck and my mom fall into an easy conversation, seriously distracting me from the worry of him running out on me, and leaving me to focus on the damn letter I found this morning. I rub the pad of my thumb over the loose skin of the paper cut and repeat the words of the letter over and over in my mind.
“Blue.”
“Yeah.” The sound of my name sucks me from the nasty vortex spiraling around in my mind. When I look up, I see my mom and Tuck both staring at me.
“Are you all right, honey?” Concern covers my mom’s face, and I know she’s just inches away from figuring out something is bothering me.
“Fine, why?” I shrug.
“I was talking to you, and you didn’t even acknowledge me.”
“Yeah, where are you, Blue?” Tuck elbows me and then pulls me into a tight side hug.
“Sorry.” I slap his broad chest. “Just going over a routine in my head. A bit nervous for this televised game.”
“Blue,” says my mom in her ‘don’t feed me that line of bullshit’ voice.
Someone grabs me from the back, tipping my chair, and then I feel my dad’s whisker burns and hear his laughter. I fight to push him away just like I did when I was kid, but then laughter hits me and I can’t get away. The more he rubs his stubble on my cheeks, the harder I laugh. My mom hollers at him to stop, but it’s not until she throws a croissant at his head that he does.
“Dad.” I stand and turn into him, throwing myself into his chest and hugging him hard. “I love you.”
Something about his presence comforts me when I’m the most vulnerable. He pulls away and goes straight to Mom, placing a kiss on her forehead, and then takes a seat. I don’t realize the stare-down that’s going on until my mom clears her throat.
“Honey, this is Tuck. Blue’s boyfriend.”
“Hello, sir.” Tuck stretches his hand out over the table.
“Have you guys had sex yet?”
Holy shit, water spews from my mouth, sending ice cubes over the tablecloth, but it doesn’t stop my dad.
“I hope you’ve been HIV tested, or I’ll cut your nuts off.”
“Dad,” I squeal and then cover my face. “I told him you’d be nice.”
“Well, if you so much as look at her in the least sexy way with those horndog lusty college boy eyes while I’m around, I’ll kill you.”
“Dad.” My voice comes out muffled between my palms, and when I look up, Tuck’s hand is no longer stretched out and he’s turned off.
“Just shitting ya, kid.” Dad’s laughter fills the tiny café. “Please take her annoying ass off my hands, and my Visa will thank you.”
I feel the blood rush back into my face and my jaw relax. “You asshole.” I toss the croissant back in his direction, but he deflects, sending it into my mom’s hair.
“Get over here, Tuck.”
I watch as my dad rises to his feet and walks halfway to our side of the table. Tuck mimics his actions and is pulled into a tight hug. Dad pats his back, making a loud thumping sound as Tuck stands rigid.
“Sorry, can never pass up scaring the shit out of someone.”