Then one day they were finally betrothed and Julie told me she did love him. She insisted it was true and I must say I came to believe her. They were a handsome pair of lovers. He continually sent her white flowers. They would glance at each other and smile whenever we all dined together. Edward and I went to Paris for the wedding. Julie wore a billowing white gown. Mother had arranged everything, of course, all the details, the ceremony, a Gregorian mass, mountains of lilies. I thought my own ceremony was more impressive. I thought Julie looked too happy.
I was content that Edward's income was larger than John's. With all her scheming, Julie's house in London would not be as large as mine.
They went to Switzerland for a brief honeymoon. Then after that they came to stay with us at Edward's manor house in Surrey. We had champagne in the evenings. Julie and John smiling at each other. I imagined them together. One sees the glances of newly married lovers and imagines them together.
I came upon them one day in the wood near the house in Surrey. I'd gone riding alone, and then walking in the shadows of the wood, and then suddenly I heard them and I crept towards them as a lark.
Secret spying. How amusing it was. I heard them laughing. Two lovers on the grass in a small clearing. I watched him kiss her. I watched him fondle her breasts. This was first time I'd seen my sister in the arms of a man. In the midst of passion. One could see the passion in it. Their passion. I was envious of their frolic. Julie kissing him. Julie lying upon him. Julie's hand at the front of his trousers. Then his tool appeared. They giggled at each other like children. She fondled him. She stroked him. I adored watching it. The way she toyed with him. The sun blazed down a the small clearing. She toyed with his penis in the summer heat. Then she leaned over him and kissed it. Her lips at the tip. Her mouth kissing and licking his pink tool. Her fingers stroking him. Then her mouth closing over the knob. John's head was now back, his face hidden by the grass. She held his tool with her lips. She sucked his root. One could see the gluttony in the sucking. I was amazed at her skill, amazed at her enjoyment of it. I stood there spellbound, watching my sister's head move up and down. And John groaning as she did it. The only sounds the sounds of birds and insects and John's groaning. The only movement the movement of Julie's bobbing head as she sucked his tool.
Then she freed him. They whispered at each other. Julie climbed over him. She raised her skirt and mounted him. For an instant I saw the joining. I saw the way she took him. I watched her ride him. Now the joining was hidden and all one could see was the way she moved upon him. She made throaty sounds. She rocked back and forth.
I was envious of their happiness. I was envious of the way he held her. I watched their spending. The crying out. The shuddering as he spurted. I watched my sister shuddering.
Chapter Eleven
Shortly after our marriage, Edward and I travelled to take the waters in Baden-Baden. We had rooms in one of the large hotels near the casino. In the mornings we walked in the gardens. In the afternoon we took tea on the terrace. We listened to the birds. We listened to the muted voices of the guests. The liveried servants moved about with a quiet dignity. One had the feeling the servants, the guests, the birds, had been as they were since the beginning of time.
One evening in the dining room, we met Baron Albert von Broda and his wife, Helga. They were Prussian. They had come down from Hanover to take the baths. They seemed delighted to chat with us. Over the course of the next few days, the four of us became quite friendly. We walked together in the gardens. Helga and I would talk about flowers and clothes, while the two men walked behind us smoking their cigars. We never took the baths together, but in the evening we often dined together at the same table.
The Baron was very cordial. He seemed impressed with me and I was pleased. The four of us passed a great deal of time talking. Edward liked to tease Albert about the German adventures in Africa. Albert always remained benign. He had such red cheeks. His eyes sparkled with amusement as we sipped our wine. He said he and Helga had been taking the waters in Baden-Baden for years. He said they always returned to Hanover completely rejuvenated. “Healthy and strong,” he said. “It's pleasant to be healthy and strong.”
In our rooms, Edward told me how pleased he was that we had the company of the Baron and the Baroness. “Capital people, aren't they?”
I said I wasn't that fond of the Baron. “I don't find him appealing. I think he's too Prussian.”
“Oh yes, he's quite Prussian, isn't he? And the Baroness. They do make a pair, don't they? But you don't find them tedious?”
“Not at all. No, not that. Just a bit too Prussian.”
But as the days passed, I came to be as comfortable with Albert and Helga as Edward seemed to be. We spent so many hours together. We talked, we had dinners together, we played cards almost every evening until it was time for bed.
One morning as we walked in the gardens, Helga began talking to me about her life with Albert. She talked of her marriage, her difficulties with his family. The men were far behind us and could hear nothing. I was surprised as Helga's confidences became more and more intimate. She finally revealed that for years she'd had a series of lovers. She said she preferred men of the lower classes. “One has them and that's the end of it. The best are the grooms. I suppose it's the horses. I suppose they learn something. Or perhaps they go to the horses because of what they are.”
“What they are?”
“Larger in the parts.” She giggled when she saw me blush. She was a buxom woman and when she giggled her bosom trembled. “One wouldn't think it was true, but it is. Larger in the parts and better in the accomplishment. The best boys I've had have been the grooms. Sturdy boys. Don't you adore the study ones? Yes you do, I can tell. It's difficult to hide things from another woman, isn't it? I do have the best. One wants them healthy and well-furnished. Large in the stones and thick in the yard, isn't that it? Oh my yes. You do agree, don't you?”
I had no idea what to say. “Yes, I think so.”
I was grateful that after that we talked about flowers again. I did not want to think about grooms. I preferred to think about less disturbing things. I decided Helga had been teasing me. I couldn't imagine her with one of her sturdy boys. I couldn't imagine it and I thought all of it was a way to mock me. They were Prussians, after all. I was certain that in Hanover Helga thought about nothing but her gowns and her next ball.
Then in the evening, when we were finally alone, Edward told me that Albert was infatuated with me.
I was amused. “Infatuated?”
“That's precisely the expression he used. Quite infatuated.”
“Oh dear.”
“You sound dismayed.”
“I'm not dismayed. I think it's completely silly.”
“Do you find him silly?”
“I find him dull and pompous.”
“You might consider changing your view of him.”
“But, darling, I can't.”
“I think you ought to.”
Then he said he wanted me to encourage Albert. He said he found Helga intriguing, and that if I encouraged Albert it would be of great help to him with Helga.
“Edward, I don't understand.”
He smiled. “I want Helga, don't you see? I think it would be most suitable if Albert had you in exchange.”