Duh!
“We each have to do our best to provide for the Clan. But as far as I can tell, you’re not even trying. You act like everything’s a chore; you scrape through your assessments, though I know you can do better. Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my time trying to teach you. You’re so bad-tempered with your Clanmates, they’re starting to avoid you. And now, when every cat needs to try their hardest, you hunt as though your mind’s filled with starling feathers and your paws are made of stone.”
His words stung like nettles, and Bluepaw found herself shrinking inside her pelt as he went on.
“Why should your Clanmates look after you if you won’t do the same for them?”
Her eyes began to prick. “I—I…” Her voice choked and she finished weakly, “Everything’s gone wrong.” There was a heavy pause. She looked up when she felt Sunfall’s tail stroke her flank.
“You miss Moonflower,” he meowed. “Of course you do. But she died defending her Clan.”
“Defending?” Bluepaw bristled. “We were attacking, not defending!”
“Only to save our territory.”
“Are you sure?” Bluepaw glared at him. Had StarClan really wanted them to fight?
Sunfall met her gaze, unblinking. “Did you believe we were defending ThunderClan territory as we headed for battle?” he asked.
Bluepaw paused, remembering, then nodded.
“So did every cat on that patrol.” Sunfall glanced at the ground. “We thought we were doing as StarClan wanted. We may have been right. We may have been wrong. But fighting for our Clan is part of the warrior code. Whatever doubts we have, we must not doubt the warrior code. The forest and our Clanmates may change around us, but the warrior code remains the same.”
Bluepaw breathed out slowly as Sunfall continued.
“Moonflower knew that. She fought bravely and died bravely.” Sunfall flicked his gaze back to Bluepaw. “Warriors die in battle. It’s a fact. But they do not leave us. They join StarClan, where they find old friends and kin, and there they watch over us.”
Bluepaw glanced through the branches at the darkening sky. Silverpelt would be out soon. Was Moonflower really there, watching? Her heart ached with wanting to believe it was true.
“Moonflower wants you to be brave, like she was,” Sunfall meowed. “To do your duty, just as she did.”
How do you know? A flash of fury washed over Bluepaw. “You think she wants us to die like she did? For nothing?”
Sunfall thrashed his tail, sweeping the snow from behind him. “Dying for your Clan is not nothing!”
Bluepaw dug her claws into the bark as Sunfall took a breath. “I wish Moonflower were still alive, too,” he murmured, with a sadness that took Bluepaw by surprise. Then he stood up and shook the snow from his tail. “But she’s not, and you can’t grieve forever. Your Clan needs you. Concentrate more on your training.” His mew was brisk as he leaped down from the tree root. “It’ll give you something else to think about.”
I don’t want to think about anything else! Moonflower’s not a thorn in my paw to be plucked out and forgotten! Bluepaw jumped down from the root, her paws so numb with cold that she landed clumsily.
Sunfall glanced around at her. “Are you okay?”
“Of course!” She straightened up. She’d show him. She’d be the best apprentice he ever saw. But she wouldn’t forget Moonflower.
As he led her through the trees, Sunfall glanced at the sky. Though the sun had not yet set, the moon hung, round and mottled, in the pale blue sky. “I’ll take you to the Gathering tonight,” he meowed. “Though I’m not sure you deserve it.”
Don’t bother, then. Bluepaw bit back the words.
“It’s good for you to see the other Clans and to get to know them in peace as well as battle.”
Yeah, right! Get to know them! The other Clans were hardly talking to them. Since the battle they’d watched ThunderClan like distrustful owls, rebuking them every chance they got for the “cowardly” attack and the destruction of WindClan’s medicine supplies. ShadowClan had even suggested they pay WindClan in prey for the damage.
“I don’t know why we bother going,” Bluepaw muttered. “The other Clans hate us.”
Sunfall paused at the edge of the ravine. “Let them sneer.” The fur lifted along his spine. “We suffered as well. Stonepelt has moved to the elders’ den, and Leopardfoot’s wound has only just healed.”
And Moonflower died. Bluepaw silently dared him to say it, but the ThunderClan deputy only slid his paws over the edge of the ravine and began to bound down the cliff.
“Don’t worry,” he called over his shoulder as Bluepaw leaped down after him. “Something will happen soon, and they’ll forget the battle. Nothing stays the same for long.”
Bluepaw followed him down the ravine and along the path to the gorse barrier. As they padded into camp, the familiarity of her home soothed Bluepaw. The clearing felt sheltered, shielded from the breeze, and after the trek through the woods she could feel her paws again.
Maybe Sunfall was right. Maybe Moonflower was watching her from StarClan, willing her to be the best and bravest warrior. So what if Stormtail ignored her? She’d make Moonflower proud instead. She’d be just as brave, just as loyal, and just as willing to die for what she believed.
For the first time in moons, some of the weight in Bluepaw’s heart lifted. She took a deep breath and felt the icy air sear her lungs, reminding her that this was leaf-bare, when her Clan needed her most.
Chapter 11
Bluepaw’s ear tips ached with cold by the time they reached the edge of the hollow. At least she’d been able to scamper across the brittle surface of the night-frosted snow instead of struggling through soft drifts. Her paws were like ice, but the race through the forest had warmed her blood.
Sunfall paused beside Pinestar and stared down the slope with his ears pricked and his breath clouding in front of his muzzle. “RiverClan’s not here,” he meowed.
Bluepaw tasted the air. “ShadowClan and WindClan are.” Their scent was sharp on her tongue.
Pinestar’s nostrils twitched. “They haven’t been here long, by the smell of it.”
“I can’t imagine any cat wanting to be out long on a night like this,” Featherwhisker commented. The medicine cat apprentice stood beside Goosefeather with his fur fluffed against the cold.
Lionpaw slid his paws back and forth over the rim of the hollow. “Can we go down yet?” he mewed.
This was Lionpaw’s and Goldenpaw’s first Gathering, and Lionpaw had been ahead of the patrol most of the way, only giving way to Pinestar when the ThunderClan leader called him back and told him to stay beside Swiftbreeze.
Isn’t he nervous at all?
Goldenpaw was shivering, and Bluepaw guessed it wasn’t just with cold. She tried to catch the apprentice’s eye to reassure her, but Goldenpaw’s gaze was fixed on the cats below, milling between the four great oaks like shadows dappling water.
“I didn’t think there’d be so many,” she breathed.
Dappletail ran her tail down her young apprentice’s spine, smoothing her fur. “Don’t worry. The truce holds, so long as the full moon shines.”
Bluepaw looked up. Not a cloud dotted the blood-dark sky, and the stars shone like chips of ice around the great milky moon.
Snowpaw circled Thistlepaw, her paws crunching the snow. “If any cat says anything about the battle with WindClan, I’ll shred them,” she vowed. “I’m bored of hearing about it.”