“Really?” Her face lit up.
“Yeah, really.” I smiled and sat up, rubbing my hand around on her head to muss her hair even more than it already was.
“Hey!” She batted my hand away and ran her fingers through the tangles, cringing. “I’ve got knots now, jerk.”
“That was the point.” I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the door. I didn’t want to go back into that room. I couldn’t. I didn’t really want to stay here either, though, pretending that things were the way they used to be. Emma’s hand settled on my shoulder.
“This is going to get better,” she whispered. “I promise.”
“I don’t believe you,” I whispered back through the ache in my throat. “I want to. But I can’t.”
“Then I’ll believe enough for both of us.”
The door creaked open and Finn crept in, settling on the end of the bed, looking uncomfortable.
Thinking about what Noah said, I didn’t know how to feel about him. I knew better than to mention
Noah, but he didn’t say I couldn’t ask questions.
“Did you work for Balthazar?” I asked him. “Before all… this?”
He looked surprised, but answered. “Yes.”
“Is he bad?
“What do you mean?” His brows pulled together.
“I mean, what is he capable of?” I asked. “Do you trust him?”
“He has the power of God at his fingertips, Cash,” he said, a hard edge to his voice. “He’s capable of anything. Do I think he’s evil? No. Do I think he’d go unimaginable lengths to get something he wants? Yes.”
I studied Finn’s expression, trying to determine if he was telling the truth. As much as I wanted to trust him, Noah’s warnings kept coming back to me, telling me not to trust anyone on this side. I knew
I trusted Emma. But this guy who had swept in and stolen her out of my life…no. I wasn’t ready to trust him yet. Not when he was hiding things from me. And even now, I felt like there was more to the story than he was telling. Maybe even more than he wanted Emma to know. The fact was, Noah was the only one being honest with me in this. He was the only one giving me enough information to make any kind of choice.
“And what do you think he’d do to get me?” I finally asked.
Finn frowned, something dark and secret flashing behind his eyes. “Why do you think he wants you?”
I stared out the window and shook my head, not really knowing how much to say. Em was sitting right here and that pretty much made my decision for me. “Just what if he did?”
“If he really wanted you?” Finn sighed. “He’d do anything.”
The nighttime air felt good in my lungs. The rest of me didn’t seem to like it so much. I pulled the scarf a little tighter around my neck and looked up and down the quiet street before stepping out onto the road. A chill pulsed through me, all the way through to my bones. My teeth chattered as I walked under the green glow of the streetlamp. My jaw felt sore. Everything did. My stomach clenched and ached from puking up the radioactive-looking shake and two glasses of carrot juice Em had forced down my throat. But I couldn’t go back in that room. Not when I wasn’t sure if I’d wake up. A warm glow spread out around me and a set of soft footsteps approached me from behind. Anaya.
“Hey,” I said brokenly, then stopped to clear my throat.
“Wow,” she said. “A real greeting. Don’t you want to yell at me some more?”
I sighed and turned around to face her. She looked like her own little sun standing there in the night.
So out of place in the dark around her.
“Don’t you ever get tired of fighting with me?” I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked up at the moon so I wouldn’t look at her. I wanted to look at her more than I should. And that scared me more than the rest of it combined.
“Yes,” she said so soft I almost didn’t hear her.
I gave in and let my eyes gravitate back to her. “So what are you doing out here, lighting up the whole neighborhood like a firefly?”
Anaya smiled. Just a small one, but it was enough make warmth bloom inside my chest.
“I’ve been out here for a while,” she said, staring at the ground. “I figured out I don’t have to be in the room with you. Most of them will stay away even if I’m just outside. I thought this might be… better.”
She bit her bottom lip and looked away. She looked…hurt. She was Death, for Christ’s sake. Was that even possible? Besides, I was the one who got rejected the last time we’d been together. I frowned at the uncomfortable twist in my gut seeing her this way and walked over to one of the big maple trees that lined the street. I pressed my back against the bark and slid down until I felt the cool grass beneath me.
I patted the ground beside me. “Sit down.”
“Why?”
I closed my eyes. “Because I want to talk to you and I can’t stand up anymore.”
Anaya hesitated for a second, then crossed over and sat down beside me. So close our thighs almost touched. So close her warmth reached out and latched onto me, making me shiver.
“What happens to me after all of this, Anaya?” I asked. “After all of this is over, what are the chances that I get the kind of peace you give to all those souls you carry over? What are the chances that I’ll get to be with my dad?”
She tensed beside me. I leaned my head back, letting the bark dig into my scalp, not wanting to acknowledge how much I wanted to touch her in that moment. Just how much I wanted the things she told me to be true. When Anaya didn’t answer me, I cracked an eye open to look at her. Her golden eyes were closed but her lids still glowed. Her skin looked like bronzed silk under the moonlight.
“Anaya?”
Anaya averted her gaze so that I couldn’t see her face and whispered, “Can’t we talk about something else?”
My heart thudded painfully in my chest. Noah was right. This wasn’t going to end well for me. I looked down the street to the dark windows of Emma’s house where the shadows waited. I should have demanded answers from her, the kind Noah was willing to give, but I didn’t. I didn’t think I could stomach it if she lied to me.
“Does it hurt?” she whispered.
“A little,” I said. “It’s hard to breathe. And I’m so freaking cold. I’m tired of being cold all the damn time.”
Anaya rested her hand on my wrist and I opened my eyes.
“Maybe I can help,” she said. “If you’ll let me.”
I swallowed and nodded. Anything. I was starting to think I’d do anything this girl asked me to.
Even with Noah’s words ringing in my ears, I was helpless when it came to wanting her. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I looked down at her hand. Hell, what did I have to lose? I was on my way out anyway.
Anaya sat on her knees and leaned in close to me. I couldn’t help but notice her white dress bunched up around her thighs. I probably shouldn’t have been looking. Probably.
“Cash?”
I tore my eyes away and Anaya was grinning. “Huh?”
She laughed and her whole face softened, taking the serious edge away, leaving just a pretty girl with gold eyes staring back at me, making my heart work a little faster. She reached up to cup my cheek with her palm and I flinched. Her fingers spread out, consuming the right side of my face.
“Just breathe,” she whispered. I took a deep breath. Exhaled. Took another breath, focusing on the feel of her open palm against my cheek. That last breath stayed stuck in my lungs when the warmth began to flow. Slow. Steady. It poured from Anaya’s palm and fingertips. Straight sunshine, seeping into my pores, setting my skull on fire. I closed my eyes and placed my hand over hers to hold it in place. God… Oh my God, she was so warm. So right. The heat spread down the left side of my neck.