I put my hand over hers to stop it, and her eyes drifted up to meet mine.
“Em,” I said. “I’m going to be fine. I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight anyway. You heard the doctor. He said I have a couple of weeks.”
“Why won’t you let them help? Operate? Something.” Her voice dissipated into a pained whisper.
“Anything.”
I looked across my room at Finn, who was leaning, arms folded, against the doorframe, watching us.
He looked tired. I rested my elbows on my knees and sighed.
“Finn, will you tell her?” I said. “Tell her it won’t do any good.”
He pressed his lips together and averted his green eyes to the stain on the tan carpet where I’d spilled paint a year ago.
“You don’t know that,” Emma said.
“He’s in an expired body,” Finn said softly, as if the tone behind the words would make it any better. “There is nothing anyone in this world could do to change that.”
The thought of being alone should’ve scared the crap out of me. But being surrounded by people whose eyes only reflected the fact that I was going to die scared me even more. Fear swirled around in my veins, mixing and melding with the last bit of life that flowed there. Black and red. Death and life.
My lungs made an attempt to keep up but it just resulted in me coughing until my stomach twisted into tense knots. When it subsided and I could breathe again, Emma was curled up beside me rubbing circles on my back. A tear slid silently down her face, leaving mascara tracks on her cheeks.
“I love you, Em,” I whispered, squeezing her knee. “But I need you to go. I just want to close my eyes and forget that this is happening. Even if it’s just for a night. Besides, I’m sure Anaya will be back soon.”
“You trust her?”
I thought about that. I thought about all the reasons I shouldn’t, and still, I found myself saying, “Yes. You should, too.”
It only took a flick of my eyes to the shadow demon swirling up the leg of the nightstand to get
Emma’s attention.
“They’re here, aren’t they?” she whispered. “The shadows?”
I nodded. There wasn’t any use denying it. Finn crossed the room, his eyes following mine to the nightstand.
Breathe. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, then exhaled. I had to keep it under control. If I could keep them at a minimum, this wouldn’t be as bad. One I could handle. If a swarm of the things decided to show up, I was screwed.
“How many?” Finn asked.
“Just one.” For now.
He nodded, stepping back to the center of the room, beckoning me to follow. “All right. Enough of this. Get up.”
“What?” Emma and I said it at the same time.
“Trust me,” he said. Those should have been the two words that kept me in place, but my curiosity got the best of me. I slid off the bed and stood beside Finn.
“Now what?”
“Get the shadow to come over,” he said. “There’s still only one, right?”
I nodded, feeling sweat break out across my bow. “Why the hell would I want to do that?”
“You’re not helpless, Cash. Open your hand and focus on the power there. If you’re a shadow walker it will be there. You just need to tap into it.”
I flexed my hand and looked up at the shadow that was inching closer with each frantic beat of my heart, like it was being lured in by my panic. It finally got close enough to wrap around my ankles and
I couldn’t stop myself from shaking.
“It’s okay,” Finn whispered. “What do you feel like you could do?”
“Finn…,” Emma interjected, sounding worried.
I held up my hand. “It’s okay, Em.”
I narrowed my gaze on my fingers and a blue shimmer sparked from the tips. The shadow slithered up the leg of my jeans and without a second thought, I reached out and closed my fingers around its neck just like I’d seen Noah do. A screech rattled my eardrums and the shadow twisted under my grip.
It sizzled under my skin but it couldn’t get away, turning from smoke to sludge under my touch. When
I couldn’t stand the pain anymore, I released it and it slithered out of the open bedroom door.
Finn stared at me, wide-eyed. “Did it work? You were able to grab it, right? Force it into a corporeal state like you did with Anaya?”
I opened my trembling palm and we both stared at the angry red burn. My fingertips were blistered and my palm looked like raw meat. I swallowed. “Yeah. It worked.”
“That’s…unreal,” Finn breathed. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“You haven’t?” I gaped. “Then why the hell did you have me try it?”
“I was part of the afterlife for over seventy years and never met a shadow walker,” he said. “But I heard stories. That they could force any kind of spirit out of elemental form. Souls, shadows…why do you think everyone wants you so badly? You’re powerful, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.”
As much as my palm hurt like hell, I laughed, the sound part relief that I wasn’t completely helpless and part terror that I seemed to have one more thing in common with Noah. I still didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. God, I wished I could talk to Emma about this, but I didn’t have a doubt that if I did, Finn would know about it by morning.
“Is it gone?” Emma spoke up, her arms wrapped protectively around her middle as she searched my room for something she’d never see.
“Yeah.” I smiled and my shoulders sagged in relief. “It’s gone.”
Emma’s phone started to ring in her pocket. She slid her finger across the screen to silence it and groaned. “It’s Mom. I’ll text her and tell her I’m going to be late.”
“Don’t,” I said. “Seriously, I’m good now, guys. And I give you permission to wake me up ridiculously early as long as you promise to bake me something.”
To be honest I doubted I would have been able to keep anything down, but I knew it would make her happy if I sounded like my old self.
Emma watched me for a thoughtful moment and then leaned up to plant a soft kiss on my cheek.
“Call if you need anything. I don’t care what time it is.”
I nodded and waved to Finn as he grabbed Emma’s hand and led her out the door.
After they were gone, I lay in bed, listening to the ragged sound of my breaths. They sawed their way out of my throat before dragging back in. The room was so dark I couldn’t see my hand in front of me. Good. If the shadow demons were here, I didn’t want to know it.
I couldn’t get Anaya out of my head. Out of my bones and veins and everywhere in between. I couldn’t shake that memory. Was it real? Had that really been me, with her? God, she’d looked… she’d felt so alive. I could still taste her, and the memory didn’t even belong to me. Or did it?
My bedroom door creaked open and I tensed, fighting the urge to curl into myself under the heavy blankets. But when a breath of warmth entered the room, like a spray of invisible sunshine, I relaxed.
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Em,” I said, watching Anaya’s shimmer appear in the dark doorway. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I’m not here to babysit you.” She stepped into the room, skimming her fingers on the doorframe, and stopped once she was inside. The door clicked shut behind her. I sat up and cleared my throat. I didn’t need her of all people seeing me like this. Weak. I took a deep, ragged breath, pushed the blanket off me, and stood up.
“Did you see what I saw?”
Anaya’s gold eyes lit up as they trailed over my bare chest. My heart was starting to pound. It felt good. It felt alive. I took a step closer.
“Y-you should lie down,” she said quietly.