Wait a damn minute! What was that remark she’d made about her crush lasting forever?
Josh’s pulse rate quickened as he went over their conversation again, or tried to. It had occurred in starts and stops, he remembered that clearly, which made it nearly impossible to recall it word for word. But the gist of it all made a crazy kind of sense. Maggie felt the same about him now as she had ten years ago!
“You are imagining things,” he told himself flatly, refusing to believe that a woman with her looks, intelligence and magnetism would carry a torch for a guy who’d never done anything but kid around with her and treat her as the teenager she’d been back then.
Driving behind him, Maggie’s thoughts were practically in the same ballpark. She’d said far too much last night. Nervous again because of Josh’s rare display of affection and watching the back of his vehicle, Maggie kept thinking of his philosophy toward women in general. After that hair compliment-or forked-tongue flattery-she probably should worry that Benton had decided she was worthy of one of those brief affairs he had professed to prefer. Or else he had put it all together and that was the reason he was being flirty and cute today. She had made herself easy prey, giving him the impression that she would go wherever he led her.
She truly felt like bawling. Yes, she’d run off at the mouth, but not just to lure Josh into a cheap affair.
Or had that been her motive all along?
Maggie gasped. Of course that had been her motive! Why else had she contrived a dinner party with Josh as the only guest? For God’s sake, stop lying to yourself! You want to make love with him so much that you would do just about anything to get him into bed. You’re just afraid of how he’ll take his being the first!
It was the painful truth, and she wished ardently that she had slept with some guy, any guy, just so she wouldn’t be in this ludicrous place now.
Maggie gave her head a small shake. Josh had made a quick right turn and she didn’t want to lose him. He had invited her to ride with him just before leaving the gym, but she had thought it best if she took her own car. How silly could she get? She was so damn cowardly with Josh it was a wonder he didn’t kick her off his team at the Bureau.
Maggie’s lips thinned in further self-reproach. Wasn’t it time she acted her age in Josh’s presence? In every other area of her life she was independent as hell and afraid of nothing. The mere thought of how she behaved around Josh sickened her. Her adolescent ploy to get him to her apartment last night was bad enough, but then she’d chickened out and called Natalie. Then she’d drunk too much wine and made a fool of herself.
There’ll be no more of that, she thought grimly, squaring her shoulders. From this moment on she was off silly games and pretense. If she felt like saying something, she would say it.
Josh pulled his vehicle to the curb and parked, and Maggie followed suit. She was getting out when she saw Josh walking toward her.
“It’s Sunday,” he said with a look of chagrin on his face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but Sammy’s Hamburger Haven is never open on Sunday. That’s why we had no trouble with curb parking. I should have remembered, but I guess I was thinking of other things.”
“Oh…well, no problem. We can do it some other time.” She got settled behind the wheel of her car again. “Do you want to talk right here about the case? You said you had something to tell me.”
“Yeah, guess so, though I don’t mind admitting I was all set for one of Sammy’s cheeseburgers and I’m feeling disappointed as hell. I’ll get in, okay? It’s too cold to stand out here.” He shut Maggie’s door and walked around the back of her car to reach the passenger door.
She realized that she hadn’t agreed to him getting in her car, but so what if he did? With lunch together out of the picture they were back to a business-only basis.
That was fine, too, she thought with a sigh, although she couldn’t help being at least as disappointed over the missed cheeseburger as Josh had said he was. But her sense of loss was more focused on what might have been said and done while they ate. Who knew where a simple lunch together might have gone?
Damn, was she back to grasping at straws?
Josh got in and pulled the door closed. “This cold goes straight to a man’s bones,” he said with a slight shiver.
“I’ll start the car.” Maggie turned the ignition key and the heater came on immediately.
“Thanks,” Josh said and proceeded to tell her about the funeral service on Tuesday.
“I think we should be there, too. I’d like to see the Gardner family for myself, for one thing. They seem to be an odd lot, if you read between the lines of Waters’s and Wilson’s reports about them.”
“You may be right,” Josh murmured. He turned his head to look directly at Maggie. “Can we talk about us now?”
She blanched. “Us?”
“Yes, us, as in you and me. I told you the latest information on the case, but I don’t want to just drive off now in one direction and watch you driving off in another.” He saw the color return to her face and knew he’d really given her a jolt. “I’ve changed a lot this week,” he said quietly. “I’ve changed because of you.”
She swallowed and realized how dry her mouth had become. Remembering her vow to be herself with him, she said, albeit hoarsely, “I…I’ve changed, too.”
“Because of me?”
“Yes.” She turned in the seat to face him. “It’s always been about you.” She watched the changing expressions on his face and within the depths of his incredible gray eyes. “Whenever we’ve been together I tried to act as though it didn’t matter, but it does matter.”
Their gazes locked and nothing short of an atomic blast could have broken their admiration of each other.
“I want to make love to you,” Josh said thickly.
“I want to make love to you,” she whispered, and had to forcibly stop herself from saying too much. It would be better for him to find out her last and final secret for himself.
“Your place…or mine?” Josh asked.
“Which is the closest? I don’t know where you live.”
“Yours.”
“Then we’ll go there.”
“Maggie…” He leaned forward, cupped the back of her head and touched his lips to hers, once, twice, a third time. And then he really kissed her, letting go of every inhibition and overwhelming them both.
She felt his tongue, the movement of his lips on hers. She inhaled his scent and realized how much bigger than her he was. The desire racking her body caused her to tremble, and she actually wondered if women ever fainted from this kind of passion.
He raised his head and looked into her eyes. “Drive safely,” he said, and heard in his own voice how deeply affected he was.
“You, too.”
“Follow me again.” He got out hurriedly and strode to his own vehicle.
“I’ll follow you anywhere,” Maggie said as a tear spilled from her eye and coursed down her cheek.
Once they got to her apartment building, she couldn’t remember actually driving home. Her mind had gotten stuck on that kiss and what they were going to do in her bed. She’d felt feverish one minute and chilled the next. Anxiety had eaten at her one minute and more happiness than she’d known existed had warmed her soul the next. She was eager and she was frightened. But most of all she was swirling in a sea of the kind of excitement she’d only been able to imagine before today.
Finally they were both parked and in her apartment. They tore off their heavy jackets and dropped them on the floor just inside, right near the door, and then they fell into each other’s arms and began kissing hungrily.
Josh picked her up and mumbled two words. “Your bedroom.”
“Next to the bath.”