She bent down and brushed her lips on Bonnie’s silky cheek. “Sleep well, baby,” she whispered. “May all your dreams be beautiful.”
“Dreams…” Bonnie’s lids lifted drowsily. “Dreams are so wonderful, Mama. You can reach out and touch…” She was asleep again.
Eve turned, and the next moment, she was silently closing the door to Bonnie’s room behind her.
“She’s asleep?” Eve’s mother was standing in the hall. “I would have put her to bed, Eve. You told me you had that test tomorrow.”
“I’ll be okay, Sandra.” She’d called her mother Sandra since she was a child. Sandra had been sensitive about appearing older, and so she had never been Mother to Eve, always Sandra. It was just a sign of how much she loved Bonnie that she accepted her calling her Grandma. “I needed a break anyway.” She smiled. “And I don’t get a chance to put her to bed every night.” She headed back down the hall toward her room. “I wish I did.”
“You go to school. You work to support her. You can’t do everything.”
“I know.” She stopped at the doorway and looked back at her mother. “But I was just thinking how lucky I am to have her.”
“How lucky we are,” Sandra said.
Eve nodded. “I know how much you love her.” And Eve would have had an even rougher time keeping Bonnie if it hadn’t been for her mother. She had been with them since Bonnie had been born. “She has a school picnic at the park tomorrow. I told her she could wear her Bugs Bunny T-shirt. I won’t be able to be there in the morning. But I should be able to be there by noon after I take my test. You’ll be there until I get there?”
Sandra nodded. “Of course I’ll be there. I’m intending to stay all day. I wouldn’t miss it. Stop worrying, Eve.”
“I just want her to have family there. Other kids have fathers, and I’m always afraid she’ll feel…” She frowned. “But we’re enough for her, aren’t we, Sandra?”
“I’ve never seen a happier child.” She shook her head. “And this isn’t like you, Eve. You never question a decision once it’s made. You’re not like me, who wobbles back and forth every time the wind blows. Even if John Gallo hadn’t been killed in the Army, you wouldn’t have wanted him to have anything to do with Bonnie. You told me yourself that it was only sex, not love, between you.”
That was true, and Eve didn’t know why she was suddenly worrying about Bonnie’s not having a conventional family. It was just that she wanted Bonnie to have everything that other children had, every bit of security, everyone to care about her. No, she wanted more. She wanted her to be surrounded by a golden wall of love all the days of her life.
And she was, Eve thought impatiently. No one could love Bonnie more than she did. More than Sandra did. She was being an idiot to start worrying about something that probably didn’t bother Bonnie at all. She had never once asked about her father. She seemed perfectly happy with Eve and Sandra.
“Go study,” Sandra said. “Stop worrying about tomorrow. Bonnie is going to have a wonderful time.” She turned away. “I’m going to bed. Good night.”
“Good night.” Eve sat back down at her desk. Don’t think about Bonnie. Think about English Lit. Getting her degree was a way to protect Bonnie and give her all the things that she should have. This is what she should be doing.
And ignore this nagging feeling that something was wrong. What could be wrong?
Sandra was right. Bonnie was going to have a wonderful time at the park tomorrow.
* * *
NIGHTMARE .
Nightmare.
Nightmare.
“Let’s go over it one more time,” Detective Slindak said. “You didn’t see anyone approach your daughter?”
“I told you.” Eve’s voice was shaking. “There was a crowd. She went to the refreshment stand to get an ice cream. One minute she was there, the next she wasn’t.” She stared blindly at the three police cars parked next to the curb, the people standing around in groups, whispering and gazing at her. “She’s been gone for three hours. Why are you asking me questions? Find her.”
“We’re trying. Does your daughter often wander away from you?”
“No, never.” She stared at her mother sitting on the park bench with another police officer. Tears were running down Sandra’s cheeks, and she was leaning against him. “We were at the swings. My mother gave her money for an ice cream, and she ran to buy it. We could see the refreshment stand, so we thought it would be okay. She said she’d be right back. She wouldn’t have just wandered away.” But if she didn’t, then the other explanation was where the nightmares began. “I talked to the man at the refreshment stand. He remembered her.” Everyone always remembered Bonnie. Her smile, the way she lit up everything around her. “He sold her the ice cream, then she ran off into the crowd.”
“That’s what he told us, too.”
“Someone else must have seen her.” The panic was rising. “Talk to everyone. Find her.”
“We’re trying,” he said gently. “We’re questioning everyone. I’ve sent men to search the entire park.”
“They won’t find her here. Do you think I didn’t do that?” she asked fiercely. “I ran all over the park, calling her name. She didn’t answer.” The tears were beginning to fall. “I called and called. She didn’t answer. Bonnie would answer me. She would answer—”
“We’ll try again,” the detective said. “We’re exploring every possibility.”
“There’s a lake. I taught her to swim, but what if—”
“It’s an ornamental lake, just a man-made token. It’s only a drop of four feet in the deepest spot. And we’ve interviewed a father and son who have been sitting on the bench by the lake all afternoon. They would have seen her if she’d fallen into the water.”
“She has to be somewhere. Find her.” That’s the only thing she could say. That’s the only thing that made sense in a world that was suddenly drowning in madness. Bonnie had to be found. All the radiance and love that was Bonnie couldn’t be lost. God wouldn’t let that happen. They all just had to search harder, and they’d find her.
“We’re sending out another search party,” Detective Slindak said quietly as he gestured to the officers starting out toward the trees in the distance. “We’ve put out an all-points bulletin. You can’t do anything more here. Let me have an officer drive you and your mother home. We’ll call you as soon as we hear something.”
“You want me to go home?” she asked in disbelief. “Without my little girl? I can’t do that.”
“You can’t help more than you have already. It’s better that you leave it to us.”
“Bonnie is mine. I won’t leave here.” She whirled away from Slindak. “I’ll go with the search party. I’ll call her name. She’ll answer me.”
“She didn’t before,” Slindak said gently. “She may not be there to answer.”
He hadn’t said “or she might be unable to answer,” but Eve knew it was in his mind. Cold fear was causing the muscles of her stomach to clench at the thought. Her heart was beating so hard that she could barely catch her breath. “She’ll answer me. She’ll find a way to let me know where she is. You don’t understand. Bonnie is such a special, loving, little girl … She’ll find a way.”
“I’m sure that you’re right,” the detective said.
“You’re not sure of anything,” she said fiercely. “But I am.” She started at a run after the search team of officers heading for the trees. “This is all a mistake. No one would hurt my Bonnie. We just have to find her.”
She could feel the detective’s gaze on her back as she caught up with the search team. She knew he wanted to make her stop. He wanted her to behave sensibly and let them do their job. But it was her job, too. She had brought Bonnie into the world. In the end, that made it only her job.
I’ll find you, baby. Don’t be afraid. I’ll fight off anything that could hurt you. Wait for me. I’ll always be there for you.
No matter how long it takes or how far I have to go, I’ll bring you home, Bonnie.