And Josh shakes his head, looks at the floor, then up at the ceiling, then at the floor again. ‘I didn’t know what it was,’ he says eventually. ‘I couldn’t figure out why the pair of you had just switched off. At least now I know.’
‘Oh, Josh, please forgive us?’ I can feel my eyes welling up, and I feel terrible, and I know I won’t feel good again until I have his forgiveness.
‘What can I say?’ Josh looks first at me, then at Si. ‘You’re my oldest friends, and I suppose, at least, you’ve been honest with me. But why didn’t you say something before? I mean, if you thought I was having an affair, why didn’t you confront me with it instead of just cutting me dead? Christ, we’re not children any more.’
‘But we’ve never had to deal with this kind of situation before,’ Si says. ‘And I agree, with hindsight we were absolutely wrong in what we did, and we would never do that again, and if we ever have a problem in the future I swear to you we’ll sit down and talk about it.’
‘You mean, if you ever think I’m having an affair again?’ but Josh’s voice is soft and I can see he’s forgiven us.
But before Si has a chance to answer, the study door is pushed open and Max stands there, eyes bright and alert, the war between Pokémon and Furby completely forgotten.
‘Daddy?’ he says, climbing on to Josh’s lap. ‘Can I go to affair too? And can I have a toffee apple and a candy floss?’ The three of us start to laugh, and it is the first time I have ever wanted to kiss Max.
Chapter thirty-one
‘Not… SEX!’ Si squeals, when I finally admit everything, having successfully managed to keep it from him, and now realizing that I have to give him something to look forward to when he gets back from Tenerife, and what would be better than gossip?
‘Yes,’ I admit reluctantly, after much sighing. ‘I did it. We actually had sex.’
Si screams down the phone, and we both start laughing. ‘And what’s more,’ I say gleefully, ‘you were absolutely right about it being like a bicycle, and it was lovely.’
‘You witch! You complete witch! I can’t believe you waited a week to tell me. I knew it. I knew you looked different! So how do you feel?’
‘Amazing.’
‘And you spent the rest of the weekend with him?’
‘Yup.’
‘And you’ve seen him how many times since?’
‘Almost every night,’ I admit sheepishly.
‘OH MY GOD!’ and this time he shouts so loudly my eardrums practically pop, but then he recovers and says very seriously, ‘Now, Cath. Don’t do what I’ve always done. Don’t jump in feet first looking for a big relationship. You must take it slowly, play it cool.’
‘Oh fuck off,’ I snort, and he laughs, because this is, of course, what I have always said to Si.
‘Details, details,’ Si says, ‘I want details. Oh no. Oh bugger. I’ve got to go.’
‘I know,’ I chuckle maniacally. ‘That’s why I left it until now to call. Oh well,’ I say, letting out a dramatic sigh. ‘You’ll just have to wait for the details until you get back from Tenerife. Have a lovely time. Bye.’
‘CATH!’ he shrieks. ‘Don’t you dare. Oh God, oh God, I can’t bear this. I have to wait a whole week. Just tell me one thing, when are you seeing him again?’
‘Wednesday night,’ I say. ‘He’s taking me to the theatre.’
I can hear the awe in Si’s voice. ‘The theatre, indeed? Now that sounds serious.’
‘Look, you. You’re going to miss your flight. And I’m going to miss you. Will you take really good care?’
‘Yes, yes. Fuss, fuss.’
‘No, I’m serious. Look after yourself, and I’ll see you the weekend after next and I love you.’
‘I know, sweets.’ He blows me a kiss down the phone. ‘I love you too.’
For someone who has spent years erecting barriers around her love life, I’m doing a remarkably good job of letting them down.
But perhaps the strangest thing of all is that it simply doesn’t feel scary. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it felt right, but of course I do know better, so instead I’ll say it feels easy.
So, so easy. Although it’s been years, I well remember the men who didn’t call, who’d phone to cancel ten minutes before I was due to see them, who’d say they would phone and then never would.
And maybe it’s different because I’ve known James for a while now, or maybe it’s because he has more integrity than anyone I’ve ever met (and that’s saying something for an estate agent), but he does exactly what he says he’s going to do.
When he says he’s going to phone, he phones. If he says he’ll pick me up at seven thirty, he’s on the doorstep at seven twenty-nine. There is no messing about with James, and I always, always know exactly where I stand.
God. I could get used to this.
For the first time in my life I can see what successful partnerships are made of. Not that I was completely blind to them before, but I’d never actually experienced it for myself, and now, since James, I can absolutely see what it is that makes it work.
Because we just get on so well. I feel totally, completely, one hundred per cent relaxed in his company. There are no games, no insecurities, and I have never felt quite so comfortable being myself with anyone other than Si, Josh and Lucy.
Yes, yes, I know it hasn’t been long, but when you’re seeing someone all night, almost every night, it’s remarkable how quickly a relationship can progress.
And as for my fear of relationships, of exposing myself, even that seems to have disappeared pretty damn quickly. In fact, since the morning after the first night we spent together, I haven’t even felt a flicker of fear, but then again I suppose I haven’t had to.
James calls me in the shop every day, at least twice a day, and we’ve been, as I already said, together every night. I know it’s slightly early to say this, but it does seem that already we’re settling into a pattern. Lucy, of course, is over the moon; she was almost bursting with excitement when I first told her, and now I can’t wait for Si to get back so I can fill him in.
I wouldn’t normally drive to Heathrow to pick anyone up, not even Si, but he happened accidentally-on-purpose to leave a copy of his itinerary at my house before he left, and at the time I’d planned to ignore it, although that was before my big adventure with James.
So here I am, and the bloody flight’s delayed, and there are hundreds of people milling around, and it’s far too early in the morning for me to be doing this.
I grab a coffee from a stand and buy a paper, and when I’ve finished ploughing through I realize that the flight has now landed, and I rush to Arrivals to surprise Si.
He is almost the first one through, which doesn’t surprise me, as he’s such an incredibly neat and orderly packer that he usually manages to get away with hand luggage only. I push my way to the front so he can see me.
He’s sharing his trolley with another man, around the same age, and they’re both laughing and talking animatedly as they walk through, so animatedly they don’t see me until I’m practically on top of the trolley.
‘CATH!’ Si throws his arms around me and lifts me up, which is no mean feat, I can tell you, and when he puts me down again, a split second later, his grin is ear to ear. ‘I can’t believe you’re here!’ He turns to the man with him, ‘And there we were, about to jump on the train to Paddington. Thank heavens for large mercies.’
‘Not that large.’ I smack him, and he winces in mock pain.
‘Cath, this is Paul,’ he says, standing aside for me to have a good look at his companion, who grins at me, showing rather gorgeous dimples in his cheeks, and warmly shakes my hand. ‘I suppose you won’t believe me if I tell you I’ve heard all about you and all of it’s good?’ he says, smiling.