"The war, and seeing the worst in humanity, and witnessing some of your good friends dying right in front of your eyes without any way of saving them, is enough to send anyone off the deep end." Leaning forward in his chair, he clasped his hands between his spread knees, his gaze holding hers as he recounted some of those situations. "There's a lot of pain involved in war, and not all of it is physical. There's guilt and remorse and regrets for things you should have done, or things you could have done differently. There's the anguish of watching innocent people die, and the guilt of not being able to save an eighteen-year-old fresh out of boot camp who ends up getting killed in the line of fire."
Joel did his best not to dwell on the ugly, tragic aspects of the war, but he knew that some people had a tougher time blending back into civilian life than others. Like Zach. Then there were the too-high statistics of depression and suicide that had afflicted some veterans of Iraq once they returned home from the war.
"Everyone deals with that emotional upheaval in different ways," he said, and he highly suspected that Zach had some form of combat post-traumatic stress disorder, which would explain a lot of his choices and actions since being discharged. "For Zach, maybe it's the gambling and drinking that keeps him from remembering and dealing with what he'd endured. But those addictions are just a temporary Band-Aid for the real underlying issues and problems he needs to work through."
She nodded in understanding, then tipped her head, regarding him in a speculative way that made him uncomfortable. "What about you, Joel? How did you deal with what you saw on a daily basis?"
He shrugged more casually than he felt inside. "Honestly, I try not to think about it, or the split-second choices I had to make." Because if he did, he knew he'd go insane and allow the mental distress of some of those wrong choices to lead him down a destructive path, much in the way that Zach had gone. "I keep myself busy with work and don't dwell on the past." And he kept himself emotionally detached, too. That part came easily. Since his mother's death, other than Mia, he'd managed to distance himself from everyone else in his life.
Not wanting to dredge up any more of the past or his time in the war, he stood up and brushed off the bigger chunks of hair still on his shirt and jeans. "If you'll get me the broom and dustpan from that closet over there, I'll get this mess cleaned up."
Knowing by his change of subject that they were done talking about Zach and the war, she pushed away from the counter and went to retrieve the items he'd requested. "Why don't you go take a shower, and I'll do this."
Considering that the smaller hairs that had found their way down his shirt in the back were starting to make him itchy, he wasn't about to argue. "Thanks."
She stopped him before he could exit the kitchen. "Joel?"
He turned back around. "Yeah?"
"Thank you for telling me," she said softly, gratefully. "I really hope that it's not too late to get Zach the help he needs after this is over. I don't want him living like this anymore."
He felt the same way. "You and me both."
As Joel headed to the bathroom, he knew that someone had to save Zach from himself before the other man got himself killed. And that person would most likely be Joel.
Chapter Sixteen
A new storm raged outside the cabin, loud and windy and with enough furor to rattle the windows in the front rooms. The fire in the hearth had died down enough for Joel to feel confident that it was okay to retire for the night, as Lora had a few hours ago, yet he was still out in the living room, his mind, and his thoughts, working overtime.
He'd spent too much time mulling over what Lora had said about getting Zach the help he needed to overcome his problems, and Joel couldn't agree more with her. He, along with Ben, Kevin, and Jon, were ready and willing to give Zach the financial and emotional support he needed to dig himself out of his predicament, but accepting that help would require a huge dedication from Zach, personally and professionally.
But if Zach couldn't do something as simple as show up for a planned meeting, Joel had to wonder if he had it in him to make the commitment it would take to change his life for the better.
Knowing he needed to get some sleep so they could head back to the city in the morning, Joel got up from the couch and started toward the second empty bedroom down the hall. But instead of passing by the room that Lora was sleeping in, which would have been the smart thing to do, he came to a stop in the doorway and stared at her sleeping form on the bed.
She was curled up on her side, bundled beneath the covers. A flash of lightning from outside illuminated Lora's serene features, followed by a loud crash of thunder that shook the cabin and ultimately startled her awake. She came up on one elbow, her hair tumbling around her shoulders, and looked his way.
"Hey," she said, her voice soft and slightly raspy. "What are you still doing up?"
"I'm on my way to bed right now. I was just checking in on you." He forced himself to back away from the doorway before he gave into the temptation to crawl into bed beside her. "Good night."
"Wait," she called out before he could make his escape. Then she tossed back the covers, scooted over to make room for him, and patted the open spot next to her. "Why don't you sleep here with me? There's no sense in messing up two beds," she teased.
He chuckled, but there wasn't a hint of seduction in her voice. She wasn't looking for sex, and honestly, neither was he. He just wanted to be close to her, to take what he could while it lasted, no matter how selfish that might be.
More thunder clapped over the cabin, accompanied by a torrent of rain pounding on the roof, and Lora winced at the sound. "The storm is making me jumpy, and it sure would be nice not to sleep alone."
She didn't have to convince him any more than that, so accepting her invitation was incredibly easy to do. He moved into the room, and after stripping down to his boxer briefs, he slid into bed beside her. She turned to face the opposite way, and he cuddled up behind her, wrapped an arm around her waist, and aligned the front of his body to her backside.
His head rested next to hers on the pillow, and he breathed in the floral scent lingering in her hair. Interestingly enough, he discovered that she was wearing one of his T-shirts, and not her own pajamas. It appeared that she wanted to be equally close to him, in any way she could.
Smiling, he closed his eyes, and it didn't take him long to fall into a deep, exhausted sleep.
JOEL jolted awake, uncertain as to what, exactly, had disturbed him. Eyes open, he remained still, in the same position that he'd fallen asleep in snuggled up behind Lora, and listened for any unusual sounds. Outside, the storm was still in full force, but it wasn't the distant rumble of thunder or the pattering of rain against the window that had roused him. It had been something else entirely.
Then he heard it again, the rattling of the front doorknob, this time followed by a whoosh of wind as the door opened, then closed behind someone.
The noise woke Lora with a start, and she looked over her shoulder at him. "What was that?" she whispered.
Joel had a feeling that their guest had finally arrived. Considering they were out in the middle of nowhere, and he'd only given one person the directions to the cabin, he'd deliberately left the front door unlocked, in the slim hope that Zach would eventually show up. Even though it was after two in the morning, it appeared that Lora's brother had finally found his way to the place.
Still, Joel wasn't ready to reunite brother and sister just yet, not until he confirmed that what he'd heard truly was Zach. "Just stay put," Joel murmured quietly. "I'm going to check it out."