Jon and Kevin stared at him as if he'd lost his mind for walking out on a bunch of naked women, and when Joel glanced at Ben, the other man was sitting very quietly in his seat with a knowing look on his face. Out of the three of them, Ben had a way of reading him the best, and Joel turned and walked toward the exit before Ben could call him on his pensive mood.
He stepped outside and dragged a much-needed deep breath of cool air into his lungs. Just as he reached into his jacket pocket to retrieve his cell phone and make a call for a cab, the main doors opened again and Ben started toward where he was walking along the side of the club.
"Hey, wait up," Ben said, picking up his pace to join him.
Joel stopped and groaned, seeing his moment of solitude, and his quick getaway, vanishing like the thin night air. "Yeah, what's up?"
The parking lot lights illuminated the concern in Ben's eyes. "I just want to make sure everything's okay. I don't think I've ever seen you walk out of a strip club before closing time," he added with a grin.
Joel sighed heavily and rubbed at the tension gathering at the back of his neck. "I'm fine. Just tired."
Ben raised a brow, clearly not believing the excuse. "It's Lora, isn't it?"
Just hearing her name aloud was enough to cause his stomach to clench, and he cut his gaze to Ben, unsure where this conversation was heading. And he certainly wasn't going to make any assumptions. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, come off it, Joel," Ben said candidly, and braced his hands on his hips. "You know damn well what I'm talking about. You've been sulking around since we wrapped everything up with Zach and you ended things with Lora."
Joel glared at him. "I don't sulk."
"Yeah, whatever," the other man said with a wave of his hand. "The point is, you're being a stubborn ass about the whole thing."
"What do you know about it?" he asked, annoyed as hell at Ben's accusation.
Ben braced his legs apart and crossed his arms over his chest. "Remember that night you brought Lora to Nick's Sports Bar?"
There wasn't a moment that he'd spent with Lora that he'd forgotten, that night especially. "Yeah, I remember."
"It was so obvious that the two of you were attracted to one another, Are you telling me that nothing happened between you and Lora while you were protecting her?"
Joel stiffened, feeling way too transparent and not liking it one bit. "That's none of your fucking business."
His friend took his reply as an affirmative, and did nothing to disguise his smug look. "Yeah, I thought so."
Joel bit back another rude expletive telling Ben exactly where to go, and how to get there in blunt, precise terms.
Ben tipped his head and studied him reflectively. "Judging by what a prickly S.O.B. you've been lately, I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you fucked things up with her, didn't you?"
If Ben weren't such a good friend, Joel would have hauled off and decked him-as much to release some frustration as to get him to back off of the subject. "Leave it alone," he warned.
"Why? Because you can't handle the truth?" Ben laughed, clearly not afraid of Joel and his threat-and he had no reason to be, since they were pretty well matched in strength. "She's a great girl. You know it. I know it. Hell, even those two womanizers in there know it," he added, hooking a thumb back toward the club to indicate Jon and Kevin. "What the hell's holding you back?"
That was the question Joel dreaded, because it dug up issues he'd been running from his entire life. Painful, emotional issues he'd been too afraid to deal with, and instead had walked away from the one woman who'd cared enough to see beyond his reckless, military façade to the real man beneath.
She'd been so fearless in risking her heart for him, and even though he knew he felt the same for her, he hadn't been able to bring himself to say the words, or stay. No, he'd taken the coward's way out and bolted for the door in an attempt to put as much distance as possible between himself and those fears that were all but strangling him.
A man on the outside, always looking in. Truer words had never been spoken. Since his mother's death, keeping himself apart had become an automatic response for him, a way of protecting his emotions as a young boy, then later in life with women and relationships. Holding himself at a distance had even served him well in the military, and had become a way to insulate himself from the pain and anguish that came from being such a vital part of the war, and seeing good men die.
Yet as he looked at Ben, a man he'd served in the war with, a man who he'd trusted with his life and more, Joel realized that the bond he shared with Ben, Jon, Kevin, and even Zach was stronger than the one he had with his own brothers. These men would do anything for him, and vice versa, but for as close as he was with them, the day had come when that comradery and friendship just wasn't enough.
And if he didn't act for himself now, one day each of these men would create lives of their own that would hopefully include wives and children, and he'd be all alone, once again on the outside looking in. Being the confirmed bachelor he'd always sworn he' would be… with absolutely nothing to show for it.
No one to love, cherish, and care for.
And more than anything, he wanted that person to be Lora. She, out of all the women who'd come and gone throughout the years, had understood him like no other, and had given him that sense of belonging he'd craved, but that had eluded him for too long. Until her, there had never been another woman whom he thought was worth putting his heart and emotions on the line for.
He scrubbed a hand along his jaw and silently cursed himself for being such an idiot.
"Don't think about it anymore, Wilde Man, just do it," Ben urged, as if sensing Joel's hesitation and internal turmoil. "Beg, grovel, and do whatever it takes, but go get the girl already, before some other guy comes along and realizes what a catch she is."
The thought of another man so much as touching Lora spurred Joel to action, and he flipped open his cell phone and made the call for a cab, and was promised one would arrive within the next ten minutes. With his decision made, and now anxious to get to Lora as quickly as possible, he knew it would feel like ten hours.
He tucked the unit back onto his waistband and turned back to Ben, realizing his friend was still standing there when he should have been inside tucking dollar bills into G-strings and enjoying a lap dance or two. Yet here he was, keeping Joel company outside where it was cold and not nearly as entertaining. Which made him wonder, once again, what was up with Ben.
"I noticed you weren't all that into those strippers, either," Joel commented, just to see what kind of reaction he got out of his friend.
The other man shrugged. "I've got a lot on my mind."
Joel grinned. "A woman?"
"Maybe," Ben replied, not giving anything away.
Joel took that as a yes, but didn't press for details, because he of all people knew and understood how a woman could tie a guy up in a dozen different knots. Instead, he laughed, needing a dose of humor to help him get through the next few hours ahead. "What a sorry pair we make, huh?"
A slight smile curved Ben's mouth. "You're in sorrier shape than I am."
Joel grinned, and couldn't argue the truth. "Hopefully not for long."
Chapter Twenty
LORA cleared off her section of tables, more than a little relieved that Sydney had cut her loose for the night first, before any of the other bar waitresses. Even though it was a Saturday evening, the initial early rush had ebbed into a comfortable pace, one that the other employees could easily keep up with. And with one less waitress on board, it meant more tips for them.
She was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and she just wanted to go home and crash for the rest of the night and through tomorrow. Thank God Sunday was her day off from both the bar and spa, and she planned to take advantage of that fact and sleep in until noon. Maybe after she got up, she and Cassie could go and rent a movie, hang out together, and order in a pizza, which would also give Sydney some time alone with Daniel, which she knew her friend always appreciated.