He nodded, still eyeing her in that too-discerning way he had. It made her skin itch, her scalp tingle. It made her wonder if she really was feeling better, if she really was able to toss aside all her earlier fear and angst and discomposure now that she had a purpose, or if she was just fooling herself. It made her wonder if the moment she walked through that door she was going to lose her shit again.
No, she assured herself. I won’t. I had a moment. But now I’m done. I’m done feeling sorry for myself, done acting like a ninny. Just done…Aren’t I…?
“I could drop you at a friend’s house, or—”
She held up a hand, cutting him off. “No need.” And to prove to herself that, yes, indeed she was done feeling sorry for herself, done being a ninny, she dragged in a deep breath—the city air smelled damp and heavy, electric, like a storm lay brewing on some distant horizon—and said, “I’m fine. I was having a bit of a personal crisis there, a momentary breakdown, but now it’s over. It’s…” She shook her head. “It’s all over.”
He swallowed again, his expression softening. Shit. “Delilah, I want you to know it’s—”
Oh, no. She wasn’t in any sort of emotional state to stomach an it’s-not-you-it’s-me speech. That might be just enough to push her over the edge. Again. “Save it,” she told him. “I’m going inside now. I’ll email the assistant at McClovern and Brown tonight, and maybe by tomorrow afternoon she’ll have had time to gather some files and records on Keystone Property Development. If I find anything interesting, I’ll let you know. Goodnight, Mac.”
She considered offering him a handshake, but that would be too weird. And leaning forward to kiss his cheek would be weirder still, especially after their little conversation. So she simply turned and walked across the parking lot, studiously averting her eyes from all that tape on the front door, to the corner of the building. She’d use the alley stairs to reach her apartment on the second floor so she wouldn’t have to go in through the bar. She might be done being a ninny, but she wasn’t ready to see the broken bottles, or the busted jukebox…or the blood…
The urge to flee once more raced up her spine to scratch at the back of her head, but she beat it back. This was her home. It’d always been her home. Since the moment her parents died and her uncle Theo brought her here to raise her. And there were too many good memories in this place to let one bad one ruin everything. She wasn’t going to run. She wasn’t going to hide. Even for one night. This is where she belonged.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
The mantra spun through her head, reminding her of The Little Engine That Could and all the bedtime stories her uncle had read to her before heading back down to tend to the bar. And see? Good memories...
She lifted her chin, squared her shoulders, and lengthened her stride. She’d just stepped onto the first metal tread of the stairs when she heard Mac fire up his Harley. The bike growled happily, all low and guttural, smooth and even. It was the sound of a well-tended machine. A sound she loved.
She was on the landing when she heard him pull up and stop in the alley below. “What is it?” she yelled, leaning over the iron rail.
When Mac threw his head back to stare up at her, the light from a nearby streetlamp caught on his face, highlighting the dimple in his stubborn chin and the hollows beneath his high, flat cheekbones. With the soft, yellow glow shining on him like that, she thought perhaps, just perhaps, he might be the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.
“If you need anything, anything at all…” He raised his voice over the sound of the contentedly rumbling engine, letting the sentence dangle.
She lifted a hand and nodded. And when he dipped his chin before pushing his helmet down over his head, torqueing his wrist, and motoring loudly down the alley, she realized, quite disgustedly, that she was a glutton for punishment. Because despite everything, despite all his rejections, she still had a thing for him. A silly, stupid, unrequited, unreturned, goddamned demoralizing thing for him.
And, shit!
But at least that gave her something to think about tonight other than the fact that one floor below her lay all the reminders of what’d happened that day. At least if she kept herself occupied and stewing over the idiotic fact that she was pining over a man who obviously didn’t return her feelings, she wouldn’t be thinking about Buzzard and agonizing over what she could have done differently. If she could have done something differently…
Chapter Nineteen
Lake Michigan
2:02 a.m.
Come on. Come on, Eve silently begged the small inboard engine as she leaned down into the cramped motor compartment, checking the plugs and the fuel lines even though she’d already checked them three times before, and they were working fine. Which mean they weren’t the reason the engine had suddenly stalled out. And it wasn’t the dreaded zebra mussels—those pesky little critters that’d been introduced to the Great Lakes by the bilge water from transoceanic vessels—that’d fouled the lines. Because there was no tell-tale sooty residue near the output port. Which meant…what?
What the heck was wrong with the stupid thing?
She wracked her brain, coming up with a big load of nada. Which wouldn’t normally be a problem. Just like being engineless on a sailboat wouldn’t normally a problem. Sailboat equals sails, after all. Sails catch wind and voila! The boat moves.
Except for tonight…
Because tonight there wasn’t a breath of wind. Tonight Lake Michigan showcased a glassine surface, not even one tiny ripple marred its blue-black expanse. Tonight it was an inky mirror, perfectly reflecting the glittering stars overhead and the minute glow of Chicago’s city lights far, far in the distance.
Please tell me whatever is wrong with you is something simple. An easy fix, she begged the motor.
But in the general way of inanimate objects, the engine refused to answer her.
Thump. She pushed up and spun around in time to see Billy toss a big, yellow waterproof flashlight onto the turquoise cushion of the captain’s chair. The softly glowing LED lights that ran the length of the sailboat’s cabin and surrounded the small wheelhouse washed his dripping form in faint, bluish light. He tugged off his sopping T-shirt using that quintessential guy-move where he reached over his shoulder and grabbed the collar, dragging the entire garment off in one fell swoop. It landed on the teakwood deck with a splat. And if the sight of his mile-wide chest with its smattering of hair, and his tan, corrugated belly wasn’t enough to make her heart skip a beat, then the stars tattooed just inside each of his hipbones, emphasizing the delineation of his abdomen muscles and accentuating the large veins that ran down into his groin certainly were.
Holy schnikes! Billy is ripped! Like seriously, brutally, cause-a-girl’s-tongue-to-hang-out ripped. And, sweet Lord in heaven, those tattoos. He hadn’t had them twelve years ago. And just looking at them now, looking at the perfection of his male body, watching the crystalline water droplets run down his chest and his stomach into the waistband of his swim trunks was enough to make the breath catch at the back of her throat, and caused most of her blood to pool hot and heavy between her legs.